


Forever & Always

by NikkoKamiHime



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: AU, Adoption, Alternate Universe - Amnesia, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Anniversary, Broken Family, Cancer, Chris takes no shit, Coma, Comatose Child, Disability, Engagement, Flip Nishigori (OC), Fluff, Grandchildren, He needs love, Ilya Petrovich Vasiliev / Ilya Katsuki-Nikiforov (OC), Lung Cancer, M/M, Marriage Proposal, Memory Loss, Mentions of Cancer, Minor Character Death, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Victor hasn't had a good anything really, Victor hasn't had a good three years, Victor's Backstory, Victuri marriage, Victuri parents, Vow renewal, Yuuri is a sweet lil bab, because I'm a nerd, letters to a lover, promise ring, suffer, until he isn't, victuri lovechild
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-04
Updated: 2017-07-24
Packaged: 2018-09-14 16:05:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 25
Words: 72,733
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9190967
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NikkoKamiHime/pseuds/NikkoKamiHime
Summary: After the Grand Prix Final, world renowned skater Victor Nikiforov can't think of anything that could possibly get him down. He's looking forward to a return to the skating scene, excited to continue coaching Yuuri with more passion than ever, and to top it all off, he's engaged to the man of his dreams, the man who taught him the real meaning of love! He's on top of the world! What he doesn't account for is the fact that he might get a little reckless in his happiness, and make some decisions that will end up changing his world forever. What do you do when the sweetest voice you've ever heard is uttering your name for what feels like the first time? How do you pick up a relationship that you thought ended years ago? How do you stay close to a person who you believed had forgotten you all this time?





	1. Prologue: A Thousand Dollar Mistake

**Author's Note:**

> This is just the result of a very stress induced need to write angst so prepare for all the angst.. Please leave comments and ideas if you like this story as I will definitely be open to help! I hope you guys enjoy! 
> 
> Song for this chapter is called "Broken" by Helen Jane Long
> 
> I hope you guys realize just how quickly this song can go from cute and fluffy to sad and bittersweet.

# Forever & Always

### Prologue: A Thousand Dollar Mistake

The snow fell around them like white orbs of hope as the two stood together, arm in arm at last after what Victor would have then considered to be their biggest conflict yet. Now that they had fully decided what to do with there careers they were happier than ever. To celebrate, they had flown back to Japan for christmas, preferring to spend it with the Katsuki’s and Nishigori’s. After a small welcoming banquet thrown by the families, the two of them had decided to go for a short drive into the city to look at all the lights that were on display, and somehow they had ended up in the middle of the park, caught in a tight embrace. He smiled gently as he pushed Yuuri’s ever growing, unkempt black hair out of his eyes, gazing warmly into those deep brown embers. He could tell there was some kind of fire burning beneath them.

  


“What is it Yuuri?” he asked, planting a whisper of a kiss on the man’s forehead, grinning at the way the younger man blushed as he did so. He loved it when Yuuri became flustered at his public displays of affection.

  


“N-Nothing,” he tried to say, but another kiss from Victor had him groaning in protest, realizing if he wanted Victor to stop he’d have to cave and tell him. “ _Vitya_ -“ he laughed a little pushing him away slightly, “Vitya stop it! If you want me to tell you, you’ll have to quit distracting me!”

  


Victor only laughed at this. This was his favorite part. “But I can’t help it _zolotse_ , you’re always so adorable!” He reached back for Yuuri’s hands, but he withdrew again. 

  


“Vitenka!” he heard his voice climb another octave in his irritation. “I, I just wanted to tell you that I love you very much…” he trailed off a little, but reached for Victor’s hand, displaying his gold ring against his own, intertwining their fingers even though it was an awkward pose. “I want you to know that no matter what happens, I want us to be together. I want us to get married someday, even if I don’t win gold next year… This ring right here,” he kissed Victor’s hand, “This is the most important gold of my life. I want you to know that I’ll always carry it with me, never remove it, I will brand it into my heart with the love I have for you because it represents the love we two share, and it’s the one thing I know I never want to lose…” He took a breath and looked up to find tears in Victor’s eyes. He was taken aback a bit, but he continued for just a few more sentences. “I’ve been trying to figure out how to tell you this ever since you gave me the ring. I love you Victor Nikiforov, and I will forever be yours. No matter where we go, we go together, okay?” He smiled, but it was wet with the happy tears that were now slipping from his own eyes.

  


“Okay,” the reply was almost a whisper before Victor had Yuuri in a tight embrace, kissing the life out of him. Their lips crashed, passionate and wet, dancing in tune to the song in their hearts. Even though they were in the middle of a snow storm, it was hard to feel cold when they shared something so warm. “Let’s go home,” Victor said, his head just a little woozy from both the tiny bit of alcohol he’d consumed at their greeting banquet and the butterflies that were exploding in his stomach.

  


Yuuri nodded and wrapped his arm around Victor’s back, walking back to the car. The doors shut, they shared one last kiss before Victor took off into the night, heading back towards the place they had both grown to call home.

  
  
—————-  
  


Now snow felt like nothing to Victor. Cold, dead, unfeeling thing it was. It existed only as a reminder to him of the worst night of his life. Of ice, the scrape of blades against it, and the smile that could only have ever been for him. All of them were bitter thoughts. Today marked the third year since it happened. He was 31, and holed up inside his apartment in St. Petersburg trying to shut the rest of the world out. He didn’t want to answer anymore questions about what he was planning for the future, about his personal life, but most importantly he couldn’t stand the thought of someone asking him about why he never returned to skating after he’d made the promise to do so.

  


The fact was, he had tried to come back to the ice, he’d tried desperately. But nothing could change the fact that every time he heard the scrape of blades on ice, he’d heard the squeal of tires. The crash of a jump landing would become the sound of metal against metal, sharp and biting. And every time he stepped onto the ice he’d become a sobbing, crying mess. He was a broken man. And the worst thing was everyone else knew it. They knew why. Yet they still asked, looking for some kind of confirmation from him. Maybe they needed to know that he knew it was real. Maybe they wanted him to make a comment on it because somewhere out there they were hoping Yuuri was watching and would remember. But Yuuri would never remember. And he would never recover.

  


Losing Makkachin, his only sense of true friendship in those hard days had been the nail in his coffin. He wasn’t the Victor Nikiforov everyone loved anymore. He wasn’t sure he would ever be him again. Yet somehow he couldn’t bring himself to remove the gold ring from his finger. The last thing that reminded him of Yuuri, the only piece of the old victor he had left, was still right where Yuuri had put it there all those years ago. It was his Yuuri’s last promise, so even if he was gone now, Victor decided he would keep his promise for him, even if nowadays the gold had become worn down and scratched from all the bottles he’d opened and downed these past few years, in attempt to drown his sorrows.

  


Something he was attempting right this moment.

  


But it wasn’t going the way he wanted it to. He leaned over on the couch, stifling yet another scream of agony as he looked at the stream of texts he had from the other skaters. Yurio, Chris, Phichit, even JJ all had varying messages on his screen, but they all had the same message.

  


_Hey Victor, I’m sorry you fucked up and almost got your fiancé killed in a car accident three years ago today. We know it’s hard for you, but you really should go see him, even if he doesn’t remember you._

  


His head started spinning.

  


“No, no no no _no_ ,” he muttered, tears falling from his eyes. It was starting again. Always the same stupid fucking thing, every goddamn year. He threw his most recent bottle cap at the wall and broke a framed picture of him and Yuuri that was hanging by the lamp. He could barely bring himself to look at Yuuri’s face.

  


He heard tires screeching. He bent his head over between his knees, covering his ears and trying to block out the noise, but nothing worked.

  


Crash! Blood splattered across his vision, and he did everything he could to keep from screaming as he saw Yuuri’s broken figure in the passenger seat for the third time.

  


“Stop it…” he whispered, curling up into a ball, small sobs choking him as the memory continued.

  


He heard people shouting. He saw white flash across his vision and felt the sting of cuts and the broken bits of glass embedded deep inside them.

  


He heard himself yelling, screaming, flailing like a madman trying to escape from the metal and glass prison he had put himself in.

  


_Yuuri! Yuuri Please! Please wake up! YUURI!_

  


He heard Yuuri stir a little, and noticed a stream of blood from his head.

  


He felt something inside him die. He heard a name whispered in confusion, without a hint of recognition.

  


_V-Victor?_

  


He cried a little more as he slipped into the darkness as the name floated around in his head for what felt like an eternity.

  


What else can you do when the sweetest voice you've ever heard is uttering your name for what feels like the first time?


	2. Chapter One: A Flight Back Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chris and his cat Fiona go and have a talk with Victor about his life choices. And force Victor to do something about his life choices.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song for this chapter is "In My Veins" by Andrew Belle

# Forever & Always

### Chapter One: A Flight Back Home

###    


Victor’s head was still spinning when he heard a loud rapping noise coming from the door to his apartment. He rolled over, groaning and holding his woozy head as he grasped for his phone blindly. When his fingers finally found it he had to blink several times to make sure he had in fact read the time right. **December 26. 2:18 PM.** A small moan of annoyance made its way up and out of his throat as he yelled back at the mysterious visitor. “I’m coming!” he growled as he made his way to the door, which was still emanating those loud taps. He thought he heard the whisper of a meow. So it didn’t really come as a shock when he opened the door and saw none other than Christophe Giacometti standing there, arms crossed across his chest in obvious annoyance, his cat Fiona letting out a loud mewl of agitation from her cage on the floor beside her master.

  


“It’s about time you got up you lazy ass,” he said, pushing past Victor and walking into the apartment like it was his own. To anyone else it would’ve been rude, but Chris had been coming there more and more often ever since the accident to look after Victor. He was surprised the building’s manager hadn’t already given him a key. “I’ve been banging on the door for the past twenty minutes waiting for you, my dear friend, to get your ass up and let me and Fiona in,” he gestured to the ball of white fluff he was now letting out of her carrier. She licked her lips in distaste at the new environment she had been placed into and yawned, trying to pick a place to look that wasn’t so completely trashed, but after a few second of searching, she gave up and curled up on the table beside the couch where Chris had sat himself.

  


Victor couldn’t blame her. It’d been at least a month since he’d last cleaned the place. Multiple coats and shirts hung from the lamp, other various articles of clothing were littered all across the floor, mixed in with the piles of garbage that had amassed over the weeks. Some were his, some weren’t, he didn’t really check anymore. “What are you doing here, Chris?” he asked, taking a seat beside the swiss, running his fingers through his hair. He wanted to get straight to the point of whatever this was.

  


“Well, I firstly wanted to say happy birthday,” Victor snorted out a laugh, but was silenced by Chris, who gave him a look from hell. “Hey, I’m allowed to be happy on your birthday even if you aren’t. I even brought you a present, so you had better be nice to me.” He produced a small box from his coat pocket and placed it onto the couch beside him, but he drew it back when Victor reached for it. “Not so fast,” he chided, “I have questions first.”

  


Victor rolled his eyes. “You come here, to my apartment, a day _after_ my birthday, which you _know_ is the worst day out of the year for me, and then proceed to hold back whatever kind of gift you brought for me all on the pretense that I owe you some sort of answers? What kind of friend are you, Chris?” He snarled, and reached for the box again only to be pushed back by Chris once again.

  


“Clearly not the traditional kind,” the man chuckled, shaking his head a little. “And I never said I was your friend. Your ally, yes, but friend, not so much. I don’t really do the friend thing you see, people expect you to do the whole caring thing and I’m not exactly good at that either. It’s my last year in the senior division and I’ve won gold three years in a row. I don’t have time to care anymore if I want to go for my fourth.” Victor actually smiled at that. Chris and him had a lot more in common now that Yuuri was gone. Victor had no reason to care. He’d failed hadn’t he? Caring would only make him feel worse about all of it.

  


“Fine then,” he conceded, relaxing a little and picking up Fiona as she made her way to him. She purred as he ran his long fingers through her white silky fur. “What is it you want to know?”

  


Chris looked at the floor, wringing his hands a little as he did so. “When was the last time you tried to contact Yuuri, or even looked him up to see how he was doing?”

  


Something inside Victor cracked.

  


All the tentative happiness he’d had before shattered under the weight of the question. “Get out,” he whispered, his voice only barely hearable. He put the cat down.

  


“No, Victor,” Chris said, his face hardening. “Just hear me out-“

  


“ _I said get out!_ ” Victor yelled this time, and stood up, pointing to the door.

  


“ _Victor Nikiforov you complete Asswipe you need to stop being so damn defensive and listen to someone else for a change!”_ Chris yelled, and stood up too, his green eyes burning in very obvious anger.

  


“I don’t have to listen to a damn thing you have to say,” he snarled, standing closer to Chris, nostrils flaring in anger. “I don’t have to take this from you or anyone else. You know what Chris?” he asked, shaking his head. “You’re wrong. You’re not my ally. You’re my enemy. You and everybody else who won’t let me forget about that damn night. You all won’t be satisfied until its me who lies on that hospital bed in Hasetsu with my memory gone like I should have been in the first place.”

  


“You don’t dare say that,” Chris growled, grabbing him by the shirt collar. “You don’t even think about doing that to him. How can you even look at yourself, Victor?” He cocked his head as tears started streaming down Victor’s face. 

  


“I don’t,” he whispered. “I can’t.”

  


Chris’s eyes softened a little and he put Victor down, “I know.” He said simply, holding out the box. Victor took it, and stared at it blankly.

  


“What is this?”

  


“Open it,” he ordered, crossing his arms over his chest.

  


Victor nearly felt his heart beat out of his chest as he saw two plane tickets laying simply stacked together. One was from Pulkovo to Kyushu Saga International Airport and left that night at 8:00. The other was from Kyushu Saga to Pulkovo scheduled for the same time two weeks later. “I don’t understand…” he whispered.

  


“It cost me an arm and a leg to get them, but don’t sweat it. Mickey, Sara, Mila… Everyone pitched in. You have a room booked for both weeks at Yutopia Katsuki, and by god you’re going to stay there and talk to that boy. I don’t care about whatever petty feelings you have about this, you need to start considering his feelings too.” He looked Victor in the eye with an intensity he’d never seen on him before. “It’s been three years, and it’s a damn crime for you to keep shutting him out all because it hurts you. Have you ever considered that he might be hurting too? He acted all sweet and unconcerned on TV after everything, even if he was confused about what was going on, but anyone could look at him and could see he was clearly in pain and wondering why nobody else was there to support him.”

  


Victor couldn’t do anything but watch Chris as he talked with an open mouth. His words were failing him.

  


“I’m not saying you have to stay for good, it’s up to you whether or not you use the second ticket, but you are going to give him a chance. I know it’s not easy, but you need to try and find a way to open your heart to love again,” he glanced down at the ring on Victor’s hand with a knowing look, “and if going to Hasetsu and seeing Yuuri again can do that, then you need to give it a chance.” He held out his hand to Victor to help him up from the couch that he’d sat himself on yet again.

  


A new kind of emotion flooded through Victor’s body. A slight twinge of something good. Was this hope? It’d been so long since he’d felt it, it had become strange and foreign to him. But now that it was here, he knew he wanted more of it. “Okay,” he said, his voice barely above a whisper as he took Chris’s hand and stood back up.

  


“Good,” Chris said, gathering Fiona in his arms from her hiding spot under the couch. Victor guessed she’d flown there when they’d started yelling. “Let’s get you packed up.” 

  
  
————-  
  


Twenty four hours ago Victor had thought soon it was going to be the beginning of yet another year spent drowning himself in alcohol and sex to numb the pain away. Eighteen hours ago he’d felt the first sparks of hope to fill his soul in three years. Thirteen hours ago Victor had boarded a flight from St. Petersburg to Saga Prefecture. Ten hours ago he’d fallen asleep in his plane seat, dreaming of Hasetsu, Yutopia, and even small glimpses of Yuuri’s smile.

  


Now, Twenty Four hours later, as he heard the yells of “ **VICTORU!** ” coming from Okukawa Minako and Nishigori Yuuko, he knew. Today was only the beginning of something completely new. And for the first time in three years, he dared to hope.


	3. Chapter Two: A Boy In Blue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Victor goes back home, but home isn't exactly welcoming to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song for this Chapter is "Down" by Jason Walker ft. Molly Reed
> 
> PLEASE! PLEASE COMMENT IF YOU LIKE IT! AND WHAT YOU LIKE! IT HELPS ME WRITE! :) Thank you guys so much for the reads and kudos on this work! It makes me really happy to see people loving my brainchild as much as I do! I should also mention this will be a slow burn. If you guys want to talk to me or want updates comment and I'll link my Tumblr!

# Forever & Always

#    


### Chapter Two: A Boy In Blue

###    


The car ride back to Yutopia was one filled with questions, but thankfully they were all the usual sweet and loving kind he had grown used to from Minako-San and Yuuko-Chan. Victor couldn’t help the smile that was slowly plastering itself across his face at the last one, suppressing a chuckle as Yuuko turned around in the passenger seat to look at him, a grin on her face while she asked, “So have you been eating well? You better have been! If you haven’t I’ll make sure to have Hiroko-San make you an extra large bowl of Katsudon when you get there!” She threatened, a good natured sternness about her.

  


“I’ve been eating just fine Yuuko,” he replied, and smiled at her warmly, the gesture not at all forced. “Now you must tell me how those three boisterous girls of yours have been,” he inquired, turning his head a little to look out the window at the small village of Hasetsu around him, memories flooding over him. Yuuri and him exploring the village together. Yuuri sitting beside him on the beach. Yuuri laughing at him after his latest drunk escapade. Everything here was Yuuri, and it pierced his heart like a honeyed thorn, sweet but deadly.

  


Thankfully Yuuko started talking again, ever happy to provide him with the distraction he so desperately craved. “They’re great, thank you for asking!” she beamed and her face became bright with pride in her daughters. “They’re nine now, and Axel and Loop have been starting to get into playing Hockey, but Lutz is still mad about figure skating. She doesn’t really want to go into competitions just yet, but she’s getting to the point where she can do more complex moves on the ice. She’s really good.” Yuuko looked away from Victor at the last part. “She reminds me of how Yuuri used to be when she skates.”

  


Victor only nodded back, the words failing him. _So she skates like Yuuri, huh? She must be pretty good then, for Yuuko to say that. She wouldn’t have brought him up otherwise. She hasn’t brought him up once outside of then._ “I’m sure she’s wonderful,” the words were like ghosts on his lips and he could feel the sadness already starting to set in.

  


“Well anyways,” Yuuko continued, “It’s not like they won’t have some competition soon.” She gestured to a picture of a baby that she had pulled up on her phone screen. “I don’t exactly know if anyone told you this, but I gave birth to a fourth daughter two years ago. Her name’s Flip, and she’s the sweetest thing in the world. You should see how she lights up whenever we take her to the rink to watch the girls practice. She’s gonna be just like her sisters.” Yuuko pulled the phone back and smiled at Victor reassuringly, but he only managed a small smile back.

  


This was a terrible idea. Why had he agreed to this? Why had Chris even thought of this? Everyone was expecting him to be someone he just wasn’t anymore, and the weight of that threatened to crush him. He couldn’t do this. This whole thing, he’d have to act through all of it. Force a smile for Yuuri’s parents, and avoid Mari at all costs because he knew she’d see straight through him. It would just be one miserable experience on top of another. How could he make it through these two weeks without coming apart at the seams? 

  


“We’re here,” Minako said, pulling Victor back from the precipice in his mind, and he took a few moments to clear his head.

  


“I’ll be in soon,” he said as he got out of the car, and took a few minutes to adjust to the cold air. He watched intently as his breath swirled up to meet the clouds in the sky, promising snow.

  


Snow.

  


Was it cold? Dead? Victor wasn’t sure anymore. Here, people still looked up at the winter sky with hope. Could he dare to try and do the same? He shook his head a little, ridding himself of such thoughts, and reached inside for his duffel, stuffed with the rest of the clean clothes he and Chris could find, It wasn’t much, but he hadn’t forgotten to bring Omiyage for everyone, even if said Omiyage was only small parts of a Matushka doll set. He had told Minako and Yuuko to tell everyone that he was giving them all only one piece of the set because he wanted the doll to be complete only when they were together, as a family should be. It was a good idea really, a good sentiment, but it was really just a last minute thought as he’s stepped out of his apartment. It was a gift he’d meant to give Yuuri a long time ago, but somehow it just kept evading him.

  


“Vicchan!” He heard Hiroko’s sweet voice call from inside Yutopia and couldn’t help but smile.

  


“Coming!” he replied and walked inside the retreat for what felt like the very first time. Everything was just how he remembered it, down to the soft pillows under the tables, and the many banners hanging from every post. Some still proclaimed their enthusiasm for the Katsuki’s son’s skating. It took all he had in him to keep it together as he saw one he had made himself the very first time he’d came here, just a day before the very first competition.

  


Hiroko ran and met him at the entryway, and bowed politely as he did the same, slipping on his house slippers, still right where he had left them the last time. He was surprised they had never moved them back to the guest side, but they still sat beside Yuuri’s on the family rack. That meant Yuuri was still out. Good.

  


“How have you been Vicchan?” she asked, tilting her head ever so slightly. He could tell she had picked up on his vibes. Perhaps he had stared a bit too long at Yuuri’s shoes, where they sat on the rack. Old habits die hard.

  


He debated on whether or not he should just come clean, but to save the poor woman an earful, he decided to lie. “Fine,” he said simply, walking past her, and looking down the hallway to the guest rooms.

  


“Oh no honey!” Hiroko cautioned. “You won’t be staying there! When Chris called and said you were coming we thought you might like your old room back. So we cleaned it out and made it look as similar to last time as we could. You’re like family Vicchan. We couldn’t ever treat you like anything else.” She smiled, and Victor took the woman in his arms, in a tight hug, arms shaking from the effort.

  


On the inside he was crying at her sweet words, but on the outside he just simply whispered, “Thank you.”

  


“Don’t mention it, really it was nothing.” She laughed a little, and rubbed his back like his mother used to when he was a little boy. She held him like the fragile, breakable thing he was, yet never pushed him past what he could take. Sometimes he wanted to thank God himself for Yuuri’s mom. She really was an angel. “Now, while you get settled in, I’ll fix some dinner. Katsudon is house special tonight. I hope you still like it, but if you’d rather have something light like Sushi, I can see what we have.”

  


He smiled at her as he pulled away from the embrace, picking up his bag once again. “Katsudon sounds amazing. Don’t trouble yourself over me. I’m nothing special.” He winked at her, and she rolled her eyes as she headed back to the kitchen where he could hear Toshiya yelling in Japanese over what he could only assume was a Soccer match going horribly wrong. Things never really changed did they?

  


He made his way back to his old room, and stopped for a second before letting himself in. It was like walking into a memory from almost four years ago, when he’d first moved here. The futon still sat in the middle of the floor, but other than a lamp and a small table there was no other furniture. He’d taken it all back with him to St. Petersburg before Yuuri had came home from the Hospital. Yet, somehow this place still felt like home. He tool a deep breath and felt himself relax when he heard a small rapping noise outside his door.

  


“Like a flashback isn’t it?” he looked up to see Mari standing there, a cigarette in her mouth, lit but almost barely burning.

  


“Good evening Mari,” he bowed to her and she rolled her eyes, a stern look on her face.

  


“Stop that bullshit, and cut the formal attitude,” she ordered. “We were never formal before, so no need to start now.” She stepped inside his room and leaned against the doorframe. “Why are you here, Victor?” she asked, taking another draw from her dead cigarette, a small stream of smoke trailing as she exhaled.

  


“I was sent by Chris-“ he started, but she cut him off.

  


“I already know that much,”she sighed. “I want to know what you hope you’ll gain from this, because I can guarantee its not going to go the way you want it to. If you think he’s gonna remember you, you’re out of luck. We tried everything, but he never responded to anything. Eventually people just stopped asking because the constant questioning gave him anxiety attacks. It’ll only hurt him if you push him like you used to. I don’t know if you can say the same, but he’s happy. He might not remember anything past the age of 20, but he’s done well. He has a job, a life, friends! He’s bounced back, so don’t think for a second about making him relapse, because I won’t let that happen. Your best bet is to act like a tourist and get back out in two weeks. Unless you want to ruin his life all over again.” She started to leave the room, but he spoke up, almost choking on his words.

  


“You’re wrong,” he said, his voice full of confidence. “I won’t ruin his life. He’ll ruin mine.”

  


“I hope you’re right,” she repied, turning away. “Don’t look for him to be back tonight, he’s out with Minami and a couple friends. And he doesn’t live in this part of the inn anymore anyways. He moved to Yurio’s old room when he moved back in. He needed his own space, and we all respected that. You should too.” With that, she left, clearly not having the time to deal with him and went back to serving the other customers. He faintly heard Hiroko’s voice calling him from the other side of the inn. He went and followed the only voice who seemed truly happy about him staying, holding onto it like a life rope. Those kind people like Hiroko were the only sense of happiness he had in a place that reminded him only of his deepest, darkest regret.

  
  
———  
  


The next morning, he went straight to Ice Castle Hasetsu, and was met with three loud screams. “VICTORUUUUUUUUUU!” Two of the triplets screeched as they threw themselves into his arms.

  


“Hey girls,” he smiled as he patted each of their heads. “How have you been?”

  


“Nevermind how we’ve been!” Axel and Loop started dragging him towards the rink. It was a good thing he’d already managed to lace up his skates before they’d found him.

  


He was hit with a blast of cold air as he entered the rink area, only to hear _his_ voice.

  


“That’s very good _Zolotse_ ,” his heart ached as he heard the voice say that word to a girl who was spinning on the ice in front of him, who could only have been Lutz. A line of little girls and boys flocked around the 27 year old man in a blue coat and tan scarf. He didn’t even have to turn around for Victor to know who he was. But he did anyway, gold ring flashing in the light as it bounced on the chain around his neck. “Oh good work, you two!” he congratulated the two nine-year-olds holding Victor hostage. “I’m sorry they brought you here in such a fashion, but they swore they knew you so I thought it would be best for you to see familiar faces first. I’m Yuuri Katsuki, head skating teacher here at Ice Castle Hasetsu,” he blushed a bit and nervously ran his hair through his choppy black hair. “I heard you’re hear on a tourist visit, but some part of me knew you’d still show up here. Nevertheless, it’s very nice to meet you Mr. Nikiforov.”

  


For the second time in his life, it felt like Victor’s heart stopped.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Zolotse - (Russian) "my gold" 
> 
> (NO YUURI DOES NOT KNOW WHAT HE IS SAYING HE IS JUST PAROTING)


	4. Chapter Three: A Faerie's Curse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yuuri and Victor bond over what they know best, and Victor decides he wants to be of help. (Kind of lighthearted.... who am I kidding its cry your eyes out sweet angst)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song for this Chapter is "Somewhere Only We Know" by Lily Allen
> 
> Songs for skates are as follows (You should really look these up because they really add to the story): 
> 
> Lutz's debut ~ "Waltz" by Lindsey Stirling
> 
> Victor's Routine ~ "Blue Rose" by BrunuhVille
> 
> Yuuri's Routine ~ "Memories" by BrunuhVille 
> 
> (No their programs don't have opposing theme to what each is going through...???? I'm playing dumb on this one because I already know I'm horrible)
> 
> Pair Skate ~ "The Purple Forest" by Poucet (Look up "The Purple Forest - Lucia Satalina if you want to see the story play out for you)
> 
>  
> 
> PLEASE COMMENT SOMETHING YOU LIKE AGAIN PLEASE! ALSO, SHOUTOUT TO VINCE FOR BEING AWESOME. THANK YOU FOR MOTIVATING ME!

# Forever & Always

### Chapter Three: A Faerie's Curse

###    


“D-Don’t call me that,” Victor stuttered, “I-I mean, Ah! Damn it!” he covered his mouth as he expected the kids to gasp before he realized he was speaking in English so the only one who would understand him would be Yuuri, “S-Sorry,” he blushed. “Call me Victor.”

Yuuri smiled, clearly holding back a laugh. “All right then,” he held out his hand for Victor to shake. “You can call me Yuuri.”

Victor took his hand, holding it like it was the most fragile thing in the world as he shook it. “ _Yuuri_ …” he mused before catching himself, “A-Ah.. It’s nice to meet you Yuuri. That’s what I meant to say.” Yuuri rolled his eyes at Victor, and turned back to the skaters around him, sending them onto the ice one by one. His touch with them was a gentle one, as if each and every one of them were precious to him. As if each of them were in a way his children.

He understood the feeling and watched Yuuri with a small prideful smile. He really had moved on, huh? It was a bittersweet thought, but watching Yuuri muse over his skaters brought out something in Victor. It was almost like watching a completely new Yuuri, and he couldn’t help but be happy that he had finally found confidence in something. Perhaps not remembering that first Grand Prix Final was a better thing than he thought. Grand Prix Final…

Before Victor could get lost in that thought he felt something whizz past him, tottering with incredible speed for her size, screeching all the way.

“OJISAN!” she yelled, her black hair falling into her face as she tumbled towards Yuuri, who looked down at her lovingly as he scooped her into his arms.

“Flipper Dipper!” Yuuri grinned bigger than anything Victor had ever seen on him before as he playfully tossed the child up into the air. She completely erupted into a fit of giggles, as if she was the happiest child on earth. It was a beautiful scene to watch, even if it did sting Victor’s heart a little.

He raised an eyebrow at Yuuri, “Oji-san?” he asked, crossing his arms over his chest. Yuuri’s face turned three shades of red as he realized the position he was in.

“R-right!” he switched to holding Flip in one arm so he could run his fingers through his hair again. It was his nervous tick. “You know the Nishigori’s… I forget that they told me it’s been a while since the last time they saw you, so that must’ve been strange, huh?” he rocked the baby a little in his arms as she babbled. “Well I’m Flip’s godfather, so I’ve been helping them raise her whenever I could. She’s almost three now, and she’s smart for her age, so when she started calling people names, we decided it would be easier for her to say ‘Oji-san’ than ‘Goddufaza’… It sounds strange even coming from my mouth. It’s not even a popular practice here in Japan, so we just decided it’d be best for her to think of me as more of an uncle…” Uncle, huh? Victor thought to himself. If things had gone the way they were supposed to, then perhaps that child would have called him _Dyadushka_.

“Ah,” was all Victor could say, and he just went back to watching Lutz skate. She was working on her combination spin, but something was a little off. “Try that again for me,” he yelled at her, coach mode taking over and she smiled happily at him.

“You got it!” She winked at him and went into her spin again, but a little too fast, her feet wobbling under the pressure. The way she moved flowed well with the song she had picked, and Victor could easily tell what Yuuko had meant by saying her daughter skated like Yuuri. It wasn’t like she was simply skating because she loved it. It was like her body was a part of the music, using it to tell a story. It was everything Victor wished his own skating could be and a complete echo of the very thing that he knew Yuuri still held deep inside himself.

“Excellent!” he praised her, but kept his face stern. “Now, I noticed a few things about your form. You need to raise your free leg a little higher, and check your grip on your blade. You don’t need to be scared it will cut you, because it won’t if you’re holding it correctly. That beautiful angelic form is what will win you big points with the judges.” He remembered something Yuuko had said about her daughter not being ready for competitions yet and took a moment to correct himself, “When you start competing that is.”

Yuuri looked at him with confusion behind the frames covering his eyes. “That sounded so natural coming from you… Wow,” he breathed, still gently rocking Flip, who had eventually fallen asleep on Yuuri’s shoulder. “You ever coached before? I-I mean have you ever coached before that is, a skater I mean?” Victor felt a small tug at his heartstrings at the question.

“Just one person, it only lasted for a season though.” He explained, “Things ended between us rather abruptly. We haven’t talked for years.” He struggled to keep his voice level.

Yuuri only nodded, turning his gaze back to Lutz, “I knew you were really famous for skating because I used to skate a little myself, but when you give advice on it, you sound like you’re stepping on ice you haven’t touched for years. Natural, but still a bit slippery.” His gaze was intense, filled with some sort of knowing, as if he was looking straight at Victor’s soul and Victor’s heart cracked a little.

“Why don’t you let me worry about that, okay _Zolotse?_ ” he said, tilting his head a little and forcing a smile.

Yuuri’s face contorted with confusion as he handed Flip off to Yuuko, who had walked up to them in search of her baby daughter. “You say _Zolotse_ too huh?” he fingered at the ring on his necklace absentmindedly. “That’s odd,” something much deeper flashed in his eyes. “I don’t even really know what it means…” he chuckled darkly. “I only say it to my skaters when they do something good because Yuuko told me that someone who used to love me very much used to call me that whenever I did something good or made them happy. So I figure it can’t be something bad if they used to love me…” he trailed off.

Victor looked at him astounded, and encouraged him to continue on.

“A-Ah I’m sorry for going off on a tangent like that,” he blushed again, looking away. “I had a big accident three years ago on Christmas Day. I can’t remember anything past the age of 20, hell, I don’t even remember the accident except for one thing that I know has to be a dream. The whole Zolotse thing happened the year before the accident, but for some reason I just can’t remember my _Zolotse_.. They’re probably the person who gave me this ring… I hope to find them someday… Even if they abandoned me..” His face spread with a warm smile.

Victor felt himself almost choke.

“It means ‘my gold’,” he looked away and began to walk away, “They’re probably looking for you too, you know?” he faked a smile as he reached the door. “I hope you find them. Oh, and believe in your dreams. They have more meaning than you could ever know.”

———

It was late at night at the rink, and Victor felt himself enveloped in the dark and cold of the rink just like it always used to be. The ice was a cold and sharp monster as he dug his skates into it for the first time in weeks. Even though he’d never been able to return to competitive skating, he’d still taken to composing routines when he needed an outlet, and this most recent one was the result of his recent obsessing over the fact that it was almost three years since the accident. The music was soft and flowing, the exact opposite of what Victor was feeling as he glided across the smooth white surface in front of him.

He felt the tears start to flood his eyes as he went into his first jump, a triple flip, and followed it with a combination spin that slowed to a stop before he threw himself into a quad salchow followed by a step sequence of turns and spins that matched the inner turmoil of his soul. He imagined that Yuuri, _his_ Yuuri was watching this as launched straight into a quad lutz, followed by a triple axel and another spin. Eventually he lost himself in the music completely, not caring about which moves he used, and simply skating the love he had for his yuuri, his _Golubaya Roza_.

When the song reached a close he heard loud clapping coming from the side of the rink.

“That was amazing!” he saw none other than Yuuri standing at the edge of the rink, wearing nothing but a black T-shirt and jeans with his skates on.

Victor did everything he could to compose himself as fast as he could. “Ya?” he asked, forcing a smile as he wiped the sweat off his forehead. “If you really think so, why don’t you give it a try?” He asked like it was the most natural thing in the world.

“How did you know I came here to skate?” Yuuri asked in a teasing tone, his face lit with a bright smile. Thankfully he didn’t ask Victor about the tears drying on his face as he stepped off the ice, trading places with the younger man.“We must have the same instincts.”

_No we don’t, I just learned them from you._

“Watch me, please,” Yuuri asked, laying his hands on top of Victor’s before he slid to a starting position.

_How could I do anything else?_

  
The music started and Victor wanted to cry immediately. The way Yuuri skated, paired with the music that was pouring from the speakers was like a mirror into Victor’s soul. It was like all these years, somehow Yuuri had felt Victor’s soul crying out for him, and had placed all those emotions out onto the ice. He couldn’t even bring himself to try and name the moves, the jumps, the technical value of it all just fell away like summer melting snow until it was just Yuuri, the music, and the ice. Like it was supposed to be all along, and Victor felt more tears flood from his eyes as the skater continued his waltz. The piece was like an ocean of emotions, some bitter, some sweet, all crashing into one another at once, swirling together, painting a picture of heartbreak. It was all so vivid. He could see the snow around him again, except there were no sirens in the distance, and now when he looked up from the drops of blood that spattered so vividly against the white, he could see it was coming from the knife in Yuuri’s heart instead of a blow to the head.

Yuuri had been heartbroken, and here was the only place he could show it.

“That was beautiful,” he breathed as Yuuri slowed to a halt at the end of the song.

“R-Really?” he stuttered, taking deep breaths, pride showing in his eyes. It was all so familiar, this scene.

“Of course!” he smiled again, this time much softer, because he was losing the energy to fake it anymore. He moved to leave, but Yuuri skated over to him, grabbing his hand before he could leave.

“No, wait!” he begged, face alight with hope and happiness. “I have one more. It’s kind of a secret so please don’t tell Yuuko or Minako. Especially don’t tell Mari, she’ll kill me if she finds out. I heard the song and started remembering some moves. I’ve been skating to it for years, every night a little more, trying to remember the rest of it, but something just feels different.. Missing. If we skated together at competitions, you might have seen me do this routine before, and I want to know if perhaps you might help me remember it. We must have met before, but no one will ever talk about you with me anymore here because they say that when they tried to get me to remember my obsession with you,” he blushed at that last part, “I started having panic attacks and asking if you were okay. Apparently I thought you were in the car with me, but as I got better I realized that couldn’t have possibly been true. I was just confusing you with someone else, but I do know that I must have met you before then. I used to be a figure skater so we must have bumped into each other at least once, so please, just for this once more, watch me.”

He looked at Victor with those same intense brown eyes filled with longing, and it was all Victor could do to keep from kissing him then and there, he looked just like an echo of his past self. But instead Victor forced one more smile and nodded his acquiescence. “Alright,” he said, “Your secret’s safe with me.”

Yuuri grinned and slid back to the center of the ice. Victor recognize the music immediately. _The Purple Forest._ It was a piece of music that they had choreographed together for a pair skate at their last Grand Prix Finals, but had scrapped it in favor of _Stammi Vicino_ as Yuuri already knew those moves and it would be easier to tweak since they both had the framework solid. But, _this_ out of all the things to remember, it was astonishing to Victor. No wonder he had felt like something was missing. It was a duet.

The story started out with Yuuri acting out the part of a traveller, lost deep in the forest, searching for a way out, only to find that he is surrounded completely by his own melancholy and solitude. Yuuri played the part beautifully, even the way he moved the tips of his fingers echoed the traveller’s inner agony, so it wasn’t hard for Victor to step out onto the ice, completely taking the man by surprise, dancing his part, the girl’s (or the tempting Fae as they had decided, as far would be more gender neutral) part, enticing the traveler to his arms, skating in circles around him, putting him under his spell.

Thankfully, Yuuri went along with it and responded, skating around Victor too, until they were revolving around each other, as Victor reached to lift him on the peak of the high note, and returning to their separate positions, now mimicking each others movements.

They danced around each other in perfect harmony, even the jumps were perfectly landed, it was like they were becoming a part of the music. It began to slow a little and he took Yuuri into his arms as he fell like a deadweight, gliding gracefully as Victor slowly spun in circles. This was the part where the Traveller is put under a spell by the Fae, lulled to sleep by his song. He helped pull Yuuri up a little and slowly increased their speed until they were spinning at top speed as the voices on the track gently crescendoed into the climax of the piece.

They separated again, each jumping and dancing their own part, colliding for Victor to throw Yuuri into a jump at the middle of the climax, only to collide again, this dance now becoming a waltz they two shared. Victor couldn’t help but smile at Yuuri lovingly as he dipped him a little, moving him in for a gliding position. Yuuri blushed, but shook it off and continued to skate, suppressing whatever brief emotion he’d just had. Victor’s expression faltered, and he moved on with the routine, which was almost at its conclusion.

This was the part where the Fae revealed his evil true self and began to seduce the Traveller even more, dancing only for him, who now stopped skating entirely, only to make movements in the Fae’s direction, truly under his spell completely. He had become the Fae’s slave.

Finally, easing his dear Traveller’s lust, he touches Yuuri’s face, and they dance together one last time, and Victor always gets the feeling that right here, is where their two hearts become one, never having to separate from each other again. He lifts Yuuri one last time before eventually reaching the ending position, with both of them touching each other’s cheek, revolving around each other like they did at the beginning, but this time more in tune with each other. As if their story was truly one that would continue on forever just like that, with them spinning around each other infinitely like clockwork, like Yin and Yang, and Victor couldn’t help but picture them as just that. They were truly each other’s opposite. Even opposites in this program. Yuuri was the Faerie now, threatening to lure Victor in and trick him into believing that somewhere deep down he still loved him.

“It was a duet,” Victor explained as he skated to the Kiss and Cry, leaving Yuuri behind speechless. “I’ll help Lutz with her debut program because its something I want to do, even if she won’t use it this year, not because I’m grasping at straws for a career I lost a long time ago.” He glared at Yuuri, referencing his earlier suspicions that Victor was a little rough on his coaching skills. “See you tomorrow, and prepare to skate as well. You make an excellent example of all the things she should be doing.”

And with that, Victor left. Ice and Yuuri, and Faeries, his career, all of it be damned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oji-san ~ (Japanese) Uncle
> 
> Dyadushka ~ (Russian) An affectionate way of saying "Uncle"
> 
> Golubaya Roza ~ (Russian) Blue Rose


	5. Chapter Four: An Old Friend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Victor enlists the help of an old friend, and chaos ensues.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Songs for this chapter is "Philadelphia" by Parachute 
> 
> Yurio's Free Skate is "Witch Hunt" by Fukurou & Mac 
> 
> I HAVE PROVIDED SOME CUTENESS FOR YOU GUYS! THANK YOU FOR THE COMMENTS LAST CHAPTER! I WILL TRY TO RESPOND TO ALL OF THEM AS YOU GUYS POST THEM, AND PLEASE KEEP POSTING THEM! I HOPE YOU ALL LIKE IT! :)
> 
> (I have changed the title from "Stammi Vicino" to "Forever & Always" as I feel that song more closely represents the feeling and overall the plot points of this fic in general. It's called "Forever & Always" by Parachute, and you really should listen to it sometime! It really helped bring the Fic to life for me so maybe it might do the same for you!)

# Forever & Always

### Chapter Four: An Old Friend

Victor’s hands shook as he held onto the phone’s receiver, “I’m not joking around this time,” he begged, his voice full of despair. “I can’t do this. He- He’s perfect. He’s happy. He doesn’t need me anymore.” He felt the tears sliding down his face like tiny daggers digging into his face with each one.

“Oi,” the rough deep voice on the other end chuckled a little bit. “You give yourself too much credit. It was always you who needed him anyway and you know it. But if you’re sure this is what you want, I suppose taking a few days off can’t hurt. I’ll help the little munchkin with her program. But I’m bringing company.”

Victor’s heart soared and he felt his heart pull itself together a little more. “Bring whoever you want, I’m sure Yuuri won’t mind.” He replied so fast it was as if he’d already knew Yurio would accept his request. Of course he would. Anything to help Victor. They’d truly grown close after Yuuri’s accident. Something about him changed since then, and he was a bit more gentle with people now. Victor guessed perhaps losing Yuuri had made Yurio realize that people really could just disappear one day. It was a sobering thought, but one he knew was infinitely full of truth.

“Oi Beka!” he heard the blonde yell across the room, “Get your duffel ready! No don’t give me that look, we’re going to Hasetsu, we can tell Yakov when we get there.”

Victor smiled at the domesticity between the two. It was a familiar feeling. “Thank you.”

“Hey don’t go getting all mushy on me, you hear?” the younger man scolded, “Just because I’m coming to help you doesn’t make it all special, okay?”

Victor smiled knowingly. _Yes it does._

“Okay.”

—————-

The next morning the air was chilled with the sharp coldness of snow, and Victor had to wrap two scarves around his neck before he felt adequately protected from the breeze as he biked to Ice Castle Hasetsu. He had woken up extra early that morning, but when he had went down for breakfast he’d been informed by Hiroko that Yuuri had already ate and left for that morning. He’d thanked her with a quick hug and taken his toast to go, which in hindsight maybe wasn’t the best idea as his body wasn’t quite used to eating so quickly before strenuous activity anymore. He’d really let himself go, hadn’t he?

As he reached the rink he noticed a small line of fans coming from the door, all wearing cat ears.

That was weird. News really did travel fast in the skating world, especially among Yuri’s Angels, but they had no real reason to be there that early anyways, as Yurio wouldn’t be in until tomorrow. Silly girls.

“Hey girls,” Victor nodded to Loop and Axel who were helping their parents try to deal with the ever growing crowd. Almost exactly like last time, except now it wasn’t his autograph they were looking for anymore. But that didn’t matter to him anyway. So what if the fans had all flocked to the other skaters? They deserved just as much support as he did, and he was happy for them.

“Vicchan!” they all squealed in unison, trying to caution him about something, but he just walked inside the rink, his skates still in his hands.

He heard him long before he saw him.

“No! Nope! Wrong!” the voice snapped, thick with an accent similar to Victor’s own. “Do it again.” He was standing at the edge of the rink, arms crossed across his chest sternly, almost an echo of Yakov, except, Victor noted, he was much skinnier. His blonde hair had grown now so that it was past his shoulders, held back on the left side by braids, one that fell down behind his ear. It was a good look for him.

Lutz screeched in her annoyance. “Just tell me what I’m doing wrong so I can fix it!”

Now that sounded way too familiar.

“If he did that, then what would be the point of you discovering the story you want to portray with your skating?” Victor butted in, taking a seat to lace up his own skates, holding back what he really wanted to say.

“Why are you taking his side Vicchan?!” she asked, throwing her hands up in defeat.

“Because he’s right,” he heard Yuuri say from the other side of the rink, he looked up to see him leaning against the wall, deep in thought. “You have to feel it, become it, or else it can destroy you. If there’s anything I remember from skating, its that.” He took the opportunity to skate over to the Kiss and Cry, and put his skate guards back on. He looked from Yurio to Victor questioningly. Ah. That.

He hadn’t gotten a chance to tell Yuuri he was inviting him.

He didn’t even know he was coming so soon anyways.

Shit.

“Anyways,” Victor said, “I think you deserve a quick break, so go ahead and grab some water and meet us back here in five minutes.” Lutz nodded and left the ice, heading to the break room where she kept her bag. He waited until the coast was clear and then elbowed Yurio in the ribs as hard as he could.

“What was that for you old prune?!” he cursed in Russian, rubbing the injury lightly, his eyes filling with agitation as per normal.

“What the hell are you doing here?!” Victor exclaimed, making wide frantic gestures with his hands, trying his best not to make a fool of himself.

“Did you or did you not ask me to come here and help you and your precious Katsudon perfect this _Siryn’s_ little program?” he spat, looking at Victor with accusing eyes.

He rolled his eyes, throwing his hands up, “Don’t say it like that!” he growled. “And yes I did, but I didn’t expect you to hop the next plane and get here the next morning!”

“Well he did,” a new voice said, it was Otabek, walking in casually, his hair also longer now was thrown up haphazardly into a bun. “In fact he insisted on it. Usually it’s him, but no, Victor, you have the sole pleasure of being the reason I didn’t sleep at all last night.” He winked at Yurio, and Yurio turned five shades of red, yelling back at his boyfriend in rapid-fire Russian.

Yuuri cleared his throat behind them, and they both stopped yelling to look at him. “Excuse me, but who exactly are you?” He asked standing beside Victor, almost as if it was a second thought, natural movement of his body.

Yurio’s face relaxed a little, a small smile appearing on his face as he walked up to the man whom he now towered over. “That’s right, you don’t remember do you?” he tilted his head a little, “That’s alright. My name’s Yuri Plisetsky; we skated in the same bracket twice before you had your accident.” he ruffled Yuuri’s hair affectionately. “I used to be rink mates with Victor here, too. He asked me to help him with your student’s debut program. That over there is Otabek Altin. He’s my current rink mate, room mate, and boyfriend. You also skated with him once.”

Otabek nodded at his name, raising his hand in a small salute.

“Ah,” Yuuri smiled back, his eyes closing as he smiled warmly. “Alright then, Welcome to Ice Castle. I never got a word in before you started barking orders.” He laughed a little. “You must be pretty good to have been coached by Yakov Feltsman.”

Yurio laughed at this, “Good,” he chuckled, a warmth beneath it. “I beat Victor’s longtime world record for a Short Program!”

Yuuri laughed too, his face turning red with a slight blush at Victor’s name. “No kidding! That’s a great accomplishment!”

Victor felt the annoyance start to bubble up inside him. _He was right here!_

“Okay I’m ready!” Lutz ran back, ending the brief moment between them. Victor smiled in relief.

“Good,” Yurio smiled at her, “Now, I would advise you to find that part of yourself that is vulnerable, and use that to convey what it is you’re feeling when you listen to the music that you chose.”

She stamped her foot in agitation.

“But I don’t know how to be vulnerable!” she balled her hands into little fists.

Yurio chuckled a little, and ruffled her hair too. “I had that problem too when I was starting in the senior division, but once I discovered it, I was able to unlock a whole new side of myself that I’d never explored before. It was really an awakening for me, and it could really help you as well, if you want to make it major one day.”

Victor threw his hand up, quieting Yurio, having had a thought. “Perhaps it would be better if you showed her.”

Yurio grinned at that. “Is that a dare, _starik_?”

Victor grinned back. “Only if you want it to be, _kotyenok_!” He teased him back, and Yurio sped to the center of the ice, grin still plastered to his face.

Otabek pressed play on the music player he had brought, and instantly the arena was filled with the sound of two men singing, a choral piece. That was unusual for him, but as he watched Yurio skate he could instantly see why he had chosen this piece.  
As he skated, the story was obvious. Yurio was no longer himself, but he was a witch being tortured for her crimes of love. Each sweep of his hands, every jump, even the way his feet moved all portrayed the intense internal agony the skater was going through, and Victor thought to himself that Yurio was truly the ever evolving monster they had called him all those years ago. He was so beautiful, so damaged on the inside that Victor could practically hear the witch scream as she burned to death at the end of the program. He was truly remarkable.

The whole arena was filled with the applause coming from Otabek, Yuuri, Victor, and Lutz as Yurio stepped back off of the ice.

“Ah, it was nothing you guys,” he mused, taking a swig from his water bottle. “Now do you think you can try a little harder to discover the vulnerability within you?” he looked over at Lutz who was practically bouncing on her toes she was so anxious to get back on the ice.

“Yes yes yes yes _yes_!” she squealed, taking off as fast as she could back to her starting position.

They all laughed and rolled their eyes at her, Otabek now resting his head on Yurio’s shoulder, nuzzling into him a bit.

“Oi!” Yurio snapped at Yuuri and Victor, “What are you two _bolvani_ staring at, huh?” he grinned. “After we’re done here I want you to take me out to the best club you have around here, as a favor for coming all the way here!”

————-

“Wow, he’s really something else isn’t he?!” Yuuri exclaimed, laughing as they left the rink to head back to Yutopia together, preparing for a night out on the town.

Victor laughed at this, smiling at Yuuri and placing a hand on his shoulder, truly feeling that he could open up a bit more now that he wasn’t alone in this anymore. “Yes I suppose he is,” he smiled down on the younger man and felt his pulse speed up ever so slightly.

“R-right,” Yuuri stuttered as he blushed at Victor’s small affectionate touch.

Victor frowned and removed his hand, only for Yuuri to grab it and hold onto it tightly. He felt his heart do a turn in his chest at his touch.

“Don’t stop just because I blush,” he whispered, his voice barely audible as he held Victor’s hand in his, fingers trembling. “I know it’s sudden, but something about you makes me happy. And when you touched me just then, I- well.. I liked it,” he smiled up at Victor and squeezed his hand gently.

Victor felt his heart shatter completely.

_I love you Victor Nikiforov, and will forever be yours._

He felt as if he was being reborn, his new heart soaring and stinging at the same time as it fought against the shards of his old heart. He smiled as the words replayed in his head, as he intertwined their fingers like it was only yesterday that they’d been together like this.

_No matter where we go, we go together, Okay?_

**_Okay_** , he replied to the Yuuri in his mind.

“I liked it too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Vocabulary:
> 
> Siryn ~ (Russian) Lilac
> 
> Starik ~ (Russian) Old Man, Creaker, Graybeard
> 
> Kotyenok ~ (Russian) Kitten
> 
> Bolvani ~ (Russian) Blockheads


	6. Chapter Five: A Night To Remember

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Victor and Yuuri have a little fun... and Victor discovers something about Yuuri he never expected.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys didn't actually think I'd keep this beautiful madness from you, did you?! ;) 
> 
> Songs for this chapter are: "The Story" by Brandi Carlie and "You Found Me" by The Fray (I like to Imagine this song being sung by Yuuri). 
> 
> As for the club music at the beginning, pretty much any good dancing music, but I used the classics like "Right Round", "GDFR", "Turn Down For What" (What can I say? I'm simple in my taste).
> 
> For the Viennese Waltz: "Earned It" by The Weekend
> 
> For the Group Dance Off: "Candy Shop" by 50 Cent

# Forever & Always

### Chapter Five: A Night To Remember

###    


The music of the club threatened to drown Victor in it’s volume, surrounded by all the couples dancing, people cheering, and the noise of glasses clinking and hitting the bar. Like his latest shot, he’d lost count at five, but he was always a heavyweight so he was only getting a buzz at this point. Yurio and Otabek were all over each other, Yurio having sat himself on his boyfriend’s lap at the bar, demanding another round of Vodka from the bartender. He looked so much older with his hair long like it was so it didn’t surprise him that they hadn’t even blinked at letting the 18-year-old into the club, offering him his first drink of the night, and, never one to turn down a drink, Yurio had downed it without even a second thought. Although that carefree attitude towards drinking was catching up with him.

 

Victor laughed at him, yelling furiously in Russian at the poor Japanese man. “Stop!” he yelled at Yurio in Russian, turing to the bartender, using hi best Japanese considering he was extremely rusty. “ _Betsu no u-okka, shite kudasai!_ <” The man must have gotten what he meant and nodded, pouring another drink for the angry Russian kitten and his big brooding boyfriend. He even threw one in for Victor, who smiled in gratitude. “ _Kampai!_ ” he yelled and took the shot, turning to look at the club around him.

 

“It’s a mess isn’t it?” he heard a voice say eerily close to his ear. He felt all the blood in his body travel to his cheeks and the tips of his ears. “Hey I didn’t know you spoke Japanese!” He giggled a little, the air sending sparks of fire down Victor’s neck.

 

“ _Yuuri!_ ” he scolded, taking in the man before him, the button down black plaid shirt he’d worn to the club had somehow over the course of the night become unbuttoned, exposing the white tank underneath, his ring still around his neck, dangling like a hellish reminder to Victor of the last time this had happened. Except then it had been Victor unbuttoning the shirt instead of some random stranger in a bar. It set his possessive side off.

 

“Victor,” Yuuri mockingly slurred his voice as the music changed to a particular song, Victor could hear from just the notes that this was a provocative song, slow and drawn out. Which only turned Yuuri up two more notches. “Watch me again?” He asked, grinning evilly, rolling his hips a little.

 

Victor reached out and grabbed Yuuri’s shoulder, “No,” he growled, stepping closer to Yuuri, the alcohol he’d been consuming clouding his better judgement.

 

Yuuri stopped dancing a little and looked at Victor questioningly, “What’s wrong?” he asked, a deadpan look on his face, he reached for Victor’s hand. “Are you okay?”

 

Victor looked down, trying to hold it together, “Not really,” he felt himself say before he had the chance to make an excuse. It surprised him. He hadn’t been this open to another human in years. Everything about this situation was strange. Here he was, at a club surrounded by couples, with a couple, and the man he loved more than any other, and yet he still felt numb to it all. He knew himself well enough to know that it wasn’t the Alcohol that made him like this. He’d shut out all his emotions a long time ago, as dealing with them all had been too much work for him. Too painful. He felt tears start to stream down his face.

 

“Hey,” the voice brought him out of his haze, and he felt two soft lips gently touch his cheek. “Stop that now, I’m here.”

 

_Yes you are. And yet, you’re still so far away._

 

“Vitya!” he immediately broke out of his haze at that. But when he saw who it was, his heart faltered. It was only Yurio yelling about him from the bar at whoever would listen.

 

“Victor?” Yuuri asked apprehensively.

 

“Yuuri?” he asked, his voice full of agony. He felt as if he was staring into a sea of Yuuri’s but he couldn’t see the one right in front of him anymore. It was as if he was lost in them, all of them either laughing or yelling at him. All of them realized just what a mess he’d become. But suddenly none of that mattered. Brown eyed met Blue and for a moment Victor felt safe.

 

Because for a second it all stopped.

 

Yuuri began to dance with him slowly, making long languid movements with his body. It was a waltz. A Viennese Waltz to be exact. Victor slowly responded, making the same exaggerated movements. The floor cleared and the world fell away as the two began to dance.

 

He took Yuuri’s hands loosely and led him into a small twirl, the dance starting slowly, painfully slow. He felt as if they were the only two people in the room as Yuuri started to pull him close, touching his cheek and staring directly into his eyes. His feet made small circles as they moved in slow arcs around the room, hands linking them together both body and soul.

 

It wasn’t Ice. It was far from ice, but Victor realized that Yuuri could be just as expressive off the Ice as on it. The dance was filled with a fiery passion so hot that it blazed hotter than a thousand suns, but somehow the fire was contained only in the tiniest minuscule movements of their bodies. The music washed over them and Victor felt almost as if he had become possessed by some past version of himself as he brought their bodies closer together, he could feel Yuuri’s heart beating through his chest, and he smiled down lovingly at the man as he dipped him, bringing him back up for a series of twirls.

 

Yuuri broke apart from him, dancing for him, his hands, his legs, his torso, everything moved as if it was liquid, in beautiful arcs as he twirled back towards Victor, who caught him easily in his grasp, turning him around so his back was against Victor’s chest, as he gently swept his hand up Yuuri’s outstretched arm, linking their hands as he moved them to waltz in that position.

 

Someone in the crowd whistled.

 

The air was full of the electric energy between the two of them.

 

He brought Yuuri around to face him again, and their faces were mere inches apart as they twirled into an ending position as the song started to swell again before fading.

 

“Thank you for the dance,” he said plainly, stepping away from Yuuri before he could let his emotions cloud his vision even further. He couldn’t take any further advantage of Yuuri just because he was in love with him. Yuuri didn’t know him anymore. He was better to stop while he was ahead.

 

Yuuri reached out and grabbed his hand again as the song changed to a faster paced song. “Hey, I’m not done yet.” He looked up at Victor innocently as he started rolling his hips.

 

Victor thought his heart would melt, as Yuuri placed grabbed Victor’s hands and placed them on his hips as he danced. A whole new surge of energy filled his body and he felt his earlier shyness completely fall away as he, in one move flipped Yuuri around again, grinding up into him a little.

 

Yuuri blushed furiously, and Victor laughed.

 

“ _Zolotse_ , you’re so easily excited!” he purred in Russian, and Yuuri blushed even further, but pushed off of Victor, dancing away from him.

 

“You’re the one whose easy if you were thinking about that only on our first date,” he teased, a sly grin on his face as he began to lean up against a table, rolling his hips forward, winding his way through the crowd, dancing around with the people, making Victor furious.

 

“That’s not fair!” He whined as he follows, but it was all in good fun as he laughed as person after person took their turn dancing with him. He hadn’t had this much fun in years. He swirled through the crowd, a grin on his face as he watched the crowd wind their way into a circle, leaving the middle open.

 

People started pushing each other forward, each person taking their turn as they danced in a dance off. He remembered a moment not at all unlike this one, four years ago. If Mila had been here he knew she’d have her phone out ready to record and post everything that happened.

 

No.

 

Scratch that.

 

Mila, Chris, and Phichit would all have their phones out, ready to eternalize this moment on the internet, feeding their rabid fans’ obsessions.

 

He cracked a grin as Otabek got up from the bar, carrying his angry boyfriend to the center like a doll as he kicked and screamed.

 

“Beka!” he groaned as he started dancing with him, spinning him in small circles, grinning as Yurio blushed when he rolled his hips a little. Oh he would pay dearly for that later, Victor could guarantee that, based on Yurio’s previous pattern of behavior.

 

Before Yurio had a chance to respond he heard a voice over the loud speaker, “Come on! I know we have a better couple in here than that! What happened to those two who just finished dancing? Can someone find them for me, maybe they can show us how its done?!” The DJ requested and Victor erupted into spontaneous laughter as the crowd pushed him and Yuuri back together in the center of the circle, everyone laughing and whistling and clapping to the beat.

 

Yuuri met Victor’s eyes and there was a hardness behind them. His face was serious, possessive even as he rolled his hips forward, slowly approaching Victor. It felt almost as if Yuuri was still 24 and performing eros for the last time on the ice. It was a thought that Victor normally would have pushed out of his head as soon as it entered, but seeing the man here before him was so different from the nightmares that he couldn’t help himself for indulging in what he considered to be dancing on thin ice.

 

He danced behind Yuuri, spinning him in tiny circles, doing some kind of mix between hip hop and a samba. He loved how they didn’t need the words to communicate with each other what they each wanted. Yuuri body rolled closer to Victor, and he hooked his hands behind the younger man’s back, dipping him, then rolling him out into a badass pose as the song faded out.

 

The crowd erupted into applause as they took partners and spread back out over the floor as a slow song started playing. Both of them laughed as Victor pulled Yuuri back up to him, resting his arms around his neck as they continued to dance, but now in small, swaying movements like a middle school dance.

 

“That was so much fun,” he laughed and bent forward a little, their foreheads briefly touching. Yuuri blushed and nuzzled up into him, a happy smile plastered on his face. He smiled back, admiring the ring around his neck. “Are you okay?” he asked.

 

“Yeah,” Yuuri giggled, moving so he could stare into Victor’s eyes. “How about you?” he reached up and brushed Victor’s shoulder off a little.

 

He grinned like an idiot and chuckled, leaning down so his mouth was at Yuuri’s ear. “I’m perfect,” he breathed, and for a brief moment he felt whole again. He didn’t feel like an echo anymore, but rather a living, breathing human being. And now when he looked down at the man before him, he felt real for the first time in years.

 

His judgment was on the other side of the earth, locked up in a room in St. Petersburg.

 

Everything he knew he shouldn’t have done was no longer relevant.

 

He bent down, caught up in the moment, meeting his lover's eyes for the first time in three years.

 

So he did the only thing he knew how to do.

 

He kissed him.

 

Their lips met in a passionate embrace, dancing in all the ways their bodies couldn’t, telling each other all the things they couldn’t find the words for. For a second, they were lost in each other, the pieces of their hearts completely one again, painfully shoved together, haphazardly sewn, a mess of pain and longing. That’s when Yuuri bit him.

 

It wasn’t a cute, loving bite asking for more of him. It was a stinging wound that poured blood into Victor’s mouth. He didn’t even have to guess what he’d done. When he’d kissed this Yuuri he’d been imagining his Yuuri… He hadn’t asked for his permission, even if he’d kissed back at first it didn’t matter.

 

“Yuuri, Oh my god I’m so sorry!” he stepped away from the younger man to see tears streaming from his eyes. He tentatively stepped towards him. “Are you okay?”

 

He stepped back, away from Victor, a tortured look in his eyes. “No, you’ve done enough,” he said, looking away. “I’m going back home. See you tomorrow. Don’t stay out too late.” He started walking out of the bar and Victor followed him.

 

“Yuuri!” he begged, running behind him. “Yuuri wait, I said I’m sorry! Please just tell me what’s wrong! I want to fix it!”

 

Yuuri turned around and rolled his eyes, an evil look in them, and he kicked the pavement in anger, his hands shoved in his pockets. “You never really were good at comforting me, you know that?” he spat, eyes alit with fury.

 

“What?” Victor breathed, taken aback by the comment. “H-how…?”

 

“How do I know you’re complete shit at empathizing with other humans? How do I know that it was me you used to try and empathize with? Or How come I never took this damn ring off if I couldn’t remember the person who gave it to me?” he brandished the ring like a medal as he shouted at Victor while tears continued streaming down his cheeks. “You only have to pick one because they all have the same answer!”

 

“B-but I don’t understand…” his voice was barely audible as tears started streaming from his own eyes.

 

“ _I don’t understand?!_ “ Yuuri’s voice raised three pitches higher in his fury. “I thought I could do this,” he growled. “I thought I could pretend to be the damaged little memory-less child that I’ve convinced everyone else I was for just two weeks. Just to see if you’d even try to get me to remember anything, just to see if you’d want me anymore, but every time I try you push me away.” He cried, ugly sobbing sounds as his words caught in his throat.

 

Victor was at a loss for words. “But you bit me…” he pointed to his mouth. “What else was I supposed to do?”

 

Yuuri screamed at him, “You weren’t really kissing me! You were kissing the me in your memory! He’s probably the only me you want anymore!” He sobbed again and Victor moved to wipe a tear, but Yuuri pulled away again. “No! Don’t go trying to be romantic to me now. Not when you abandoned me. I waited for you after the accident. I might not have remembered much, but those memories that I did have were everything to me. I asked for you after I woke up the second time, but they said that you were gone. I started freaking out, having panic attacks. I thought you were dead! Eventually I realized that in order for everyone to think I was better, I’d have to stop asking where you were because I’d realized that you weren’t coming back for me. They tried to convince me that we never met because of when I woke up the first time and didn’t recognize you they thought I never would again.” he breathed. “But I did. I kept writing letters to you every day, even if I wasn’t sure if my memories were real, writing to you helped me gain my memories back. Once I had them I started waiting, month after month for you to call me, message me, even ask someone I knew about me, surely they had been mistaken. You couldn’t have just left me there on my own. Surely you’d tried to contact me, but there was nothing for three years! Can you imagine how that felt to me?! I felt like you didn’t want me anymore because I was broken! It hurt like hell because even if I was broken, I was still me!” he choked again and Victor felt his heart shatter into a thousand tiny shards.

 

“Yuuri, I don’t know what to say,” he cried. “To me it felt like you were dead!”

 

Yuuri screeched, “ _Don't say that!_ ” he fumed. “You have no right to say that to me! Would it make you happier if I was?! I bet you still wouldn’t take that ring off! Why are you still wearing it if I’m dead to you?!”

 

“Because I love you dammit!” Victor yelled back, finally having reached his breaking point, anger boiling inside of him. “If you’re so angry with me then why are you still wearing yours?!”

 

Yuuri seethed. “I made a vow! I promised you I’d never take it off, but if you really want it back, you can have it.” he reached his hand for the chain around his neck, breaking it in one swift move.

 

“Yuuri, no…” he sobbed.

 

“Here! Have it.” he threw the ring back at Victor, who immediately searched the ground desperately for it until he had it in his hand. “You’re pathetic,” he said darkly, in a serious tone. “Why do you care so much about my promise when you broke yours years ago?”

 

_No matter where we go, we go together, okay?_

 

He started walking away, Victor looked up at him, tears flooding him. “Please…” he choked, his body and mind racked with the pain of torture.

 

Yuuri only turned around to look down on him. “I’m going home. Don’t follow me. I’ll see you tomorrow. Or not. I don’t really care.”

 

And with that, Yuuri Katsuki walked out of Victor Nikiforov’s life for the second time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Vocabulary:
> 
> Betsu no u-okka, shite kudasai ~ (Japanese) Another vodka, please. 
> 
> Kampai ~ (Japanese) Cheers!


	7. Chapter Six: A Real-Life Nightmare

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Victor reads all that Yuuri has been going through and receives some shocking news.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THANK YOU FOR ALL THE COMMENTS AND KUDOS OH MY GOD I LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH! 
> 
> ~Song for this chapter is "Say You Won't Let Go" by James Arthur
> 
> IF YOU LOOK UP ANY OF THE SONGS I HAVE LISTED IN THE NOTES, PLEASE JUST LOOK UP THIS ONE! IT'S VICTOR'S THEME FOR THIS FIC AND ITS SUPPOSED TO BE FROM HIS POV! 
> 
> BEFORE YOU YELL AT ME I PROMISE THIS IS THE LAST TIME I DRAW THIS SLOW BURN OUT! 
> 
> I apologize in advance for how short this is going to be. It's mainly supposed to be Exposition of the back plot and a segway into the next part of their story. So please find it in yourself to forgive me for how horrible I am, but WARNING GIVEN. THIS HAD TO HAPPEN. IM SORRY. I LOVE YOU ALL. 
> 
>  
> 
> LET THE CHAOS ENSUE!

# Forever & Always

### Chapter Six: A Real-Life Nightmare

###    


Victor felt his chest heave with every breath as he sat in the corner of his room the next morning, a river of tears streaming down his face. He had been so close. He’d had him in his hands. He’d kissed him! But still, just like in the nightmares that still haunted him, he’d lost him. Hell, maybe he never even had him. The ring in his hands, was still halfway on a broken chain he’d haphazardly tied in a knot to put it back together again. He’d become obsessive after the accident, it was a part of the mental trauma. To him, having the ring off the chain would be worse than even the fact that it was no longer around Yuuri’s neck. Having the chain broken would remind him of his own broken heart. Having it broken would remind him of the broken relationship he and Yuuri had. Broken, it would be real that Yuuri didn’t want him anymore.

 

That was the thought Victor couldn’t bear.

 

He heard footsteps outside his door, and a short knocking sound, but his brain didn’t register it. He was too focused on examining the ring in his hands.

 

The door opened and Yuuri stepped in, tapping his foot impatiently.

 

Victor jumped and sucked in a breath so quickly it almost choked him as he sobbed. “Y-Yuuri,” he choked out the name, but Yuuri refused to even look at him.

 

“Are you coming to practice today?” he asked, an annoyed tone in his voice, arms crossed tightly over his chest, not allowing even the tiniest bit of Victor to affect him. He was still shutting him out, like thick iron bars placed so tightly together not even Victor’s words could reach through to him.

 

Victor looked away, his heart hitched in his chest, another wave of sadness washing over him. “No, I don’t think so.” He breathed. “I don’t think I’d be welcome there anymore…”

 

“Oh for God’s sake Victor I don’t care what you do!” he yelled at him, his cheeks flushed, and his eyes were red and puffy. “My opinion of you has nothing to do with the Nishigoris and their relationship with you,” he huffed. “You made a promise to Lutz, are you going to break that promise too?!” he yelled cruelly, before immediately covering his mouth.

 

Victor glared at him with unmeasurable fury, “get out.” he whispered.

 

“Victor, I’m so sorry,” Yuuri apologized profusely, a couple tears spilling down his own cheeks. “I had no right, I-I shouldn’t have-“

 

“ _GET OUT!_ ” Victor got up and pushed him out slamming the door behind him, slumping on it, screeching in agony as he did so.

_No matter where we go, we go together okay?_

 

Victor whimpered at the thought, turning the ring over in his hand.

 

_I tried to come to you, Yuuri. I really did. But you shut me out too._

 

Victor sniffled, another bout of tears coming.

 

_What do I do now?_

 

There was another set of footsteps, then a small thump outside his door, before the footsteps faded away.

 

He waited until he was sure they were gone before he opened his door again, looking down to find a pile of letters in the floor, all addressed to him, but never sent. All arranged haphazardly in a cardboard box labeled “To: Vitya” in Yuuri’s neat, clean handwriting. He bent down to pick up the box, choking back the tears so he could open the first one.

 

His breath hitched in his throat.

 

_Victor,_

 

 _It’s been two weeks since my accident, and they just won’t leave me alone. I know they mean well, but they all crowd me, making me feel pushed into a box. They told me to stop asking about you, stop thinking and talking about you because that will only encourage my delusions, but I just can’t. So, for now, I’ll write these letters to you. I probably won’t send them, but its a nice thought that someone like you might actually be listening to me, might actually care about me considering a loser like me might never be able to skate again if my brain injury doesn’t show signs of improvement in the next couple of days. I should be devastated. I should be a mess right now, and honestly I am, but my injury isn’t what’s bothering me. I’m happy now. I’m ridiculously happy, as if something good was happening before I lost everything. It does bother me that I can’t remember my entire skating career, and that I might never be able to pick it up again, but I kind of want to move past it now. It’s like I’ve been given a second chance at life. I can be with the people who matter most now, where I couldn’t always do that before. The strange thing is, I keep having this feeling that You are someone who was important to me, as crazy as that sounds. Ah! I’m blushing now! Mari is giving me a weird look, she’s trying to read the paper. It’s a good thing I’m writing this in_ english _. I’m so terrible at writing these things, geez. How’s Russia this time of year? I hear its cold there, even colder than Japan, which seems impossible to me. I might go visit one year. I might even run into you there, how fun would that be? Remind me to pack a coat, will you? That made me laugh. I hope wherever you are, you’re laughing too. You deserve to smile, you’re so perfect. Oh, there go my cheeks again! I better stop writing now, the nurse came back in ready to give me my brain scan results for today._

 

_Until next time,_

 

_Yuuri Katsuki._

 

Victor stopped crying and smiled a bit, the letter was so much like Yuuri, blushing over the slightest things. Even like this he was adorable.

 

He opened the next letter, dated two months later.

 

_Victor,_

 

 _It’s been three weeks since I moved back home, and two since I started working at Ice Castle_ Hasetsu _, and I love it! I get to teach kids how to skate, and it’s the best job you could imagine! The faces the kids make when they step out onto the ice for the first time, they’re all so priceless! You should see them! You can tell who’s going to be a skater as soon as they step out, because they light up like a_ christmas _tree! It’s honestly the most beautiful thing in the world. How are things going with you? I had a memory yesterday of us together at a competition. You were hugging me so tight I thought I’d die from how tight you were holding me. I thought I was dreaming that I remembered it, so I pinched myself pretty hard. I have a big purple bruise on my wrist that proves I wasn’t. Mom and Mari think its a hickey and demand to know who I’ve been seeing. I only laugh to myself because if they knew that it was because of you I have that bruise they’d all riot, maybe even Dad. You know, the strange thing is there’s a sign in the living room that says “GO YUURI!” surrounded by mini hearts in handwriting I don’t recognize, and a pair of slippers beside mine that my parents refuse to move back to the guest rack. My heart can’t help but hope they’re yours. But I’m getting ahead of myself. Now all I know is that we did know each other and that everyone was lying to me before saying we didn’t. I’m not going to confront them though. I don’t want to worry them. I can do this on my own, because now I know that I wasn’t wrong. I do have you. Even if for now it’s just like this. I know someday you’ll come back for me, and help me remember the rest. Even if all we had was a friendship, I have a feeling you’d be happy to see me again. I know I’d be happy to see you._

 

_I’ll write again soon._

 

_Yuuri._

 

Victor felt tears well up again, but these were happy tears, and his heart started beating out of his chest. He frantically opened the next letter, grabbing whichever one he could get his hands on. He wanted, no he needed more.

 

One year later, Christmas Day.

 

Vicchan _,_

  
_How are you, my love? Are you smiling? I am, it’s your birthday today. I’m blushing as pink as a sakura blossom as I write this. I’m sitting in your old room, trying desperately not to get caught by either mom or Mari. If they do catch me I’ll just pretend that I’m checking off inventory, preparing for an overflow rooming situation. I convinced them all that I didn’t remember you. I think the exact age they put it at was 20, but even that was loose, as there are still some things I might never remember. But they’re wrong. I remember. Maybe not all of it, but I remember a lot of things. I remember you showing up, but ass naked and uninvited, just as idiotically endearing as ever at my parents’ onsen, declaring yourself as my coach, not even asking me for my opinion. I remember us sitting together on the beach, you telling me I was strong, and just as unceremoniously stealing my heart for your keeping. I remember when you kissed me for the first time, not even asking (rude) and taking all my breath away, leaving me to think that I really was a goner for you. I remember the first time we skated Stammi Vicino together, and how you kissed my forehead after we ended, saying that you loved me more than anything else in the world. I remember how months later I held your hand in mine as I asked you to be mine forever. That’s where it all stops. I hate it. Am I forgetting something else? Wasn’t there more after that? Certainly there must be more, some reason why you’re not here with me. You couldn’t have just left me, right? No. I need to stop thinking like that. Of course you couldn’t have. Maybe I’m just dreaming. If I am, I hope someone never wakes me up because I never want to see a word where I never met or fell in love with you. I love you more than words can possibly convey, but I’ll still try. You’re my one and only, Victor Nikiforov. I’ll forever be yours, so I’ll keep waiting for you to come back to me, no matter how long it takes. Days, months, years, I can withstand the pain as long as I know I’ll have you again._

 

_Aishteru,_

 

_Your Yuuri. XOXO_

 

He wailed at the last one, crying louder than last time, but before he could turn to grab another letter, a different one caught his eye.

 

It was dated the day before he arrived.

 

He felt the breath leave his body.

 

Vitya _,_

 

_My parents say you’ll stay in your room downstairs. Of course they don’t know I know its your old room, but its still yours just the same. Its an eerie thought, honestly, that something I wished for years ago could possibly be coming true now. I had given up hope years ago, looking back on all my old letters I realize just how bad I am at actually keeping up a project. I can barely even keep an exercise journal, so what made me think I could write letters to you every day? Especially if I was never sending them? I should take that one back, really. I thought about sending them several times, so its not fair to act like I never intended to. I guess over the years I became sloppy, just like the broken failure I am. I thought I could do this, but I was wrong. It’s killing me pretending to be someone I’m not, and its started showing in my skating. I know now you’re never really coming back for me, and I’ve accepted that. I thought I could wait for you, I really did. But I’m slowly figuring out that I can’t last much longer. So, please, If I can ask one last thing from you, as a friend, a past lover, someone you might still care about… Save me please, because I don’t know if I can save myself this time. I’ll be waiting for you, one last time. One last chance to try and make you stay close to me, like you promised all those years ago. Please keep your promise, like I’ve kept mine. I meant what I said when I said I never wanted to see a world where I never met you, and now that I have, I don’t want to live in it anymore. I’m ten feet away from the edge, and you’re the only one who can pull me back. So please, Vitenka, rescue me one last time._

 

_I’ll be waiting for you,_

 

 _Zolotse_.

 

Before Victor could even react to this letter he heard a muffled scream come from downstairs. He heard loud frantic footsteps coming towards his room and he took a moment to compose himself, shoving the letters aside as Mari opened the door, practically ripping the paper off,

 

“Victor come quick,” she panted, her face contorted with immense worry and pain, “We have to go to the hospital, Yuuri’s been hit by a car.”

 

Victor’s heart stopped.


	8. Chapter Seven: A Second Chance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Victor begs Yuuri to stay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I received a lot of comments on the last chapter, and I can't possibly respond to all of them without blowing up the feed, so I just want to take the time to thank all of you who have been with me for this ride. It's not over yet, but this has been a hard journey to get here, there has been so so much pain, and a deadly cliffhanger at the end of the last chapter so Thank you for staying with me and loving me after all of that. I really do put you guys through hell. But your comments made me want to cry in happiness and I absolutely adore every single one of you who read this work.
> 
> This chapter is for **you**. 
> 
> ~Song for this chapter is "The Reason" by Hoobastank. 
> 
> Link to [One Foot In Front of the Other](https://youtu.be/OORsz2d1H7s)
> 
> {IF YOU HAVENT HEARD THIS SONG OMG LOOK IT UP!!! YOU NEED TO HEAR IT TO FULLY IMAGINE IT! I KNOW IT SOUNDS FUNNY AND LIKE A PRACTICAL JOKE BUT IT IS FOR A GOOD CAUSE AND IT WILL MAKE SENSE AFTER YOU READ!}

# Forever & Always

### Chapter Seven: A Second Chance

The coldness of the hospital air had no effect on Victor as he ran as fast as he could through the halls, looking for someone, _anyone_ who could tell him where Yuuri was at. “ _Where is he?!_ ” he grabbed a nurse, yelling in frantic english, forgetting only he and Yuuri could understand each other in that language, but he didn’t care as he shook the poor woman, screeching again, “WHERE IS HE?!”

 

He felt an arm wrap around him, “Victor _niet_!” he heard Yurio yell as he dragged him away, kicking and screaming.

 

“Yuri you have to let me see him,” he begged, pulling against him. “H-He could be dead! He could be gone forever… I could lose him again and it’s all my fault…” He sobbed again, the breath coming out like fire, burning his throat. He felt as if he was in the middle of a tornado, the wind ripping everything apart as he yelled and screamed, but nobody looked up or even noticed. He could feel the walls coming down around him, the sirens outside and voices around him were all muted, he didn’t even notice the fact he was walking as Yurio led him to a small room at the very back corner of the building.

 

When he saw him he just about died inside.

 

There he laid, the tiny figure broken and covered in bloodied bandages, on a bed that was tilted up a little, his head lolling ever-so-slightly to the side, his glasses pushed to the side by the weight of his head on the pillow. His legs were covered in white, but even the sheets beneath them had been stained by the blood that had been seeping through them. He looked like his skin was made of bruises, the skin torn off in places was held together by jagged stitches. He looked like a broken skeleton, the echo of a man.

 

“Yuuri,” he breathed and slowly walked over to his bedside, falling to his knees there as he took Yuuri’s small, fragile hand in both of his, kissing it gently. He bent over him, weeping. His words were wet and shaky as he said them, burying his face in the blankets beside him. “Please don’t leave me,” he begged. “I know I’m late, maybe even too late, but I promise this time I won’t leave. I’ll do whatever you want, try my best to be the man you loved back then, I’ll be better, I’ll stop being so weak.” he sobbed, squeezing the hand softly. “I’ll save you, _Zolotse_. Just please, one last time stay with me. _Stay close to me! Wherever we go, we go together, right?_ ” he kissed the hand, shaking like a leaf. “I’m here now, so you have to keep that promise too, okay?”

 

He felt his heart explode as the hand twitched back, slowly escaping his grasp and rubbing his hair gently. “I was only sleeping, silly,” he said, a warm smile appearing on his face. “Geez, you really are hopeless. I take a nap and you think I’m dead or in a coma or something! These drugs they give you make you sleepy, you know?”

 

“ _Yuuri!_ ” he screeched, and Yuuri winced as he vaulted himself onto his lover’s chest, covering his face with kisses.

 

“H-Hey now, Vitya!” he protested, but erupted into a fit of giggles. “Th-That _tickles_! Get off!” he laughed, gently nudging him off, gesturing for him to sit beside him, but instead he gently scooted Yuuri over, and laid beside him, softly taking the younger man in his arms.  
  


 

"What happened?” he asked, looking him up and down. “I-I just… I was reading your letters and all of the sudden I heard Mari scream and she came to get me immediately. She said that you had been hit by a car! You begged me to come save you, and the next thing I knew, I thought I was too late.”

 

Yuuri looked down, a melancholy look on his face as he avoided Victor’s gaze. “I thought you were too,” tears started welling up in his eyes and Victor kissed his cheek as he tried to crawl away from him. “After you pushed me away this morning, I just lost it. I knew I’d gone too far, and I thought you might never forgive me. I realized just what a mess I was. I was on my way to Ice Castle Hasetsu, and for a minute, my thoughts just all stopped, and before I knew it I was standing in the middle of the road while a car came barreling straight at me. I got lucky though, because they slowed down significantly before they hit me. It was a mom and her two kids. One was a baby, Flip’s age.” he cried, his body racking with the sobs that he choked out. “I could have killed them…” he whispered.

 

“Yuuri don’t think like that,” he moved to kiss him, but Yuuri placed his hand over Victor’s lips.

 

“No, Victor,” he continued, “Let me finish.” A tear fell. “I was being so selfish, thinking that I could just give up on life like that… I thought that maybe if it all just ended, I could be free. But you know what the funny thing is?” he chuckled darkly. “Before the car hit me, I thought I’d see all my memories so they could torture me one last time, but I didn’t. I just saw your face, broken and crying over my coffin. Just as the car hit me I screamed because I realized it. I don’t want to die. I want to stop being in pain, yes, but its not worth it if I just end up putting you through more of it. I want you to be happy, and I want us to overcome this distance between us. My life isn’t my own, it hasn’t been for quite some time. My life is yours, Victor.” he reached his hand and kissed it sweetly, right on the ring. “I’m so sorry for putting you through this… I should’ve sent those letters, I should’ve called, texted, done _something_!” he started bawling again.

 

Victor took the man in his arms, embracing him as tightly as he dared. “No, _Zolotse_ , don’t say that now, it’s going to be okay. Everything will be okay now. I’m here. We’ll figure this out. We’re together now, and I don’t plan on that changing for a very very very long time… maybe even eternity,” he kissed Yuuri’s hand back. “I’m the one who should’ve stayed… But I was foolish, and let my own pain cloud my judgement so I couldn’t see the pain you were going through. Hell,” he chuckled a little, “It took Chris and his cat yelling at me and forcing me on a plane to get me here. But all that’s over now. We can do this. We just have to take it one step at a time.”

 

Yuuri nodded and nuzzled into Victor a little. “Okay,” he whispered, a smile full of warmth plastered across his face. “One step at a time.”

 

Victor heard a whistle coming from the doorway, and looked up to see Yurio standing there with Otabek behind him. “Oi, will you two _bolvani_ stop being so cute so I can come in already? It’s grossing me out. I think I might have to borrow Katsudon’s vomit bowl.” He chuckled, stepping inside. Otabek followed behind him, taking a seat in one of the chairs. “This is for you,” Yurio held out a small box in his hand to Yuuri. “It’s nothing special so don’t go getting all mushy on me.”

 

Yuuri opened it. Inside, plainly wrapped was a cookie shaped and iced to look like a gold medal.

 

Yurio looked away, his face red with embarrassment, “Since I stole yours and all…” he trailed off.

 

  
“Thank you, Yurio,” Yuuri smiled at the younger man, accepting his gift. “You’re awfully quick to get here with a gift like that. I only got here an hour ago. How’d you get it?”

 

Otabek snorted a little, “he went to the nearest baker and berated her to make it. He wouldn’t leave or stop yelling until he had it in his hands. It was actually kind of cute.” He nudged his boyfriend, who had sat himself on his lap, a little with his knee.

 

Yuuri laughed a little, his eyes doing that crinkling thing that Victor loved so much. “That sounds like something he would do…”

 

Yurio turned three shades darker, and balled his hands into fists. “Hey!” he yelled. “Will you two quit harassing me already?!” he glared at Yuuri. “What are you looking at _porosyenok_?! Shut up and eat your damn cookie!” He huffed and looked away.

 

They all burst out laughing when they heard a sharp knock before the doctor came in.

 

“We need to talk,” she said.

  
—————-

 

Twelve hours later Yuuri was complaining as Victor struggled to get him to use the walker in front of him.

 

“Just _use it_ Yuuri!” he begged, his face stern. “We need to get you downstairs so we can take you home.”

 

Yuuri looked away, crossing his arms, leaning against the wall, his legs shaking from the effort of standing. With the face he was making, Victor could tell he was in immense pain, yet he still glared at Victor. Not harshly, but with determination. “I’m fine,” he grunted as he tried to take a step, only to find himself slipping, so Victor had to run forward to catch him. “Dammit,” he cursed, a tear sliding down his face.

 

“Hey now,” Victor said, brushing away his tear. “None of that. You can do this, I know you can. You just have to put one foot in front of the other.” he hummed the theme from _Santa Clause Is Coming To Town_. Yuuri laughed a little.

 

“What are you on?!” he asked, overcome with a fit of giggles. “S-Stop!”

 

“Ah! He doesn’t like my singing!” Victor grasped his chest dramatically slipping to the floor. “I’ll just have to change his mind. Now come on sing with me!” he grasped Yuuri’s hands and placed them on the walker, moving him forward slightly.

 

“V-Victor,” Yuuri stuttered, unsure of himself.

 

“Ah, I am Victor no more! I am Kris Kringle, and it is time for you to sing with me, come on. You can do it!” he took another step, “ _You put one foot in front of the other, and soon you’ll be walking cross the floor. Put one foot in front of the other, and soon you’ll be walking out the door_.”

 

Yuuri started laughing, “People are judging us!” he wheezed as he walked a little more.

 

“So?” Victor laughed, continuing with his song. “ _You’re never gonna get where you’re goin’,” he started dancing a little, “If ya never get up on_ you’re _feet. Come on, there’s a good tailwind blowin’! A fast walkin’ man is hard to beat!_ ”

 

Yuuri laughed a little, but joined in on the song, now walking on his own, following Victor, who had started walking backwards so he could entertain Yuuri as he danced. “ _You put one foot in front of the other, and soon you’ll be walkin’ across the floor. Put one foot in front of the other, and soon you’ll be walking out the door!_ ” He busted into a fit of giggles, walking after Victor, a huge smile on his face as the two continued down the hall towards the elevator.

 

Everything was going great.

 

Everything was going fantastic.

 

Until Victor accidentally bumped into someone in the hallway.

 

“What the hell, man?” the young man asked, brushing off his coat sleeve as Victor turned around to apologize. The man looked about 20 years old, and angry about it. He scratched at the small patch of stubble on his face as the two men approached him cautiously. When he saw Yuuri his eyes filled with rage. Yuuri’s fragile smile fell.

 

“Vic-“ he reached for Victor’s arm, gently pulling it as he started but the man cut him off.

 

“You’re the idiot who my mom hit this morning, aren’t you?” the man growled, stepping closer to Yuuri, but Victor stepped in front of him protectively. He spat at Yuuri, “You’re a son-of-a-bitch, you know that?!” he yelled. “She has a heart condition, and because of you, she’s here, yet again because she almost had a fucking heart attack.”

 

“That’s enough-“ Victor started in as well, but the man ignored him.

 

“You shut up, asshole,” he yelled at him, and Victor had to hold himself back. “You should be the one on that bed in there,” he pointed at Yuuri, who had now began crying.

 

“I-I’m sorry,” he whispered.

 

“Sorry doesn’t fix my mom, dickhead!” he screamed at him. “I oughta make this right, right here, right now.” he rolled up his sleeves and Victor pushed Yuuri behind him.

 

“You don’t want to do that,” he warned, flexing his fingers into a fist.

 

"Stay outta this, _Fag!_ ”

 

The world went white as Victor felt all the fury he’d had pent up over the past decade, maybe even in his entire life, it was all so ugly, red, burning as he unleashed it onto the man in front of him, punching the man in front of him straight in the face. He felt his knuckles start to bruise after the fifth punch, but he threw in one more for good measure.

 

“Y-you ass!” the man stuttered, struggling underneath Victor, who had him pinned to the floor with his knee, only held up by the other fist which Victor had knotted in his shirt. “I’m gonna need stitches, he said as he reached his hand to touch his busted lip and his fingers came away stained crimson from his own blood.

 

Victor’s voice was eerily level as he replied, “Well it’s a damn good thing we’re at the hospital.” He smiled evilly, but it slid from his face as he roughly dropped the man, snarling, “Stay the hell away from my fiancé.”

 

Yuuri only watched with an open mouth as Victor grabbed his hand, helping him walk to the elevator.

 

“Come on,” he said plainly, having lost his earlier cheer. “Let’s go home.”

————-

 

The car ride home was one filled with smiles, tears, and a couple laughs from Yuuri’s parents and sister as they told them what Victor had done, both the singing and the punching. Mari actually high-fived Victor for that, a grin on her face.

 

“You still got it, huh, _Jiji-san_?” she asked, playfully punching him in the shoulder.

 

“H-Hey!” he laughed, pretending to be hurt as he rubbed his shoulder.

 

“You two stop it, now!” Hiroko said, a smile on her face as they reached the Onsen. “We’re here!”

 

They all piled out of the car and onto the pavement, except Yuuri, who had struggles getting out of the car, and started cursing under his breath. “Damnit, I can’t do it..” he whined.

 

“Yes you can, _Lyubov Moya_ ,” Victor encouraged, reaching to hold onto Yuuri’s hand as he stepped out of the car, almost slipping, his legs so shaky with the effort.

 

“I’m so weak,” he said, looking away. “You heard what the doctor said…” he started crying again. “My legs are so severely bruised that it’ll be a struggle to be able to walk normally again. I might never skate again, and what am I going to do about Lutz if that happens?” he asked. Yuuri’s family went back inside to give them their privacy. They’d learned long ago that Yuuri didn’t like an audience when these things happened. “I’m her coach, Vitya! What am I going to do now? What am I going to tell her if I can’t teach her her routines anymore? What can I possibly say for myself if I can’t even have the coordination to choreograph them?!” He wailed, leaning into Victor.

 

Victor collapsed the walker and slipped it onto his arm, picking Yuuri up in one swift move, carrying him bridal style through the doorway, covering his face in kisses.

 

“V-Victor!” Yuuri whined in protest but started smiling. “What was that for?”

 

Victor smiled down on the man lovingly, kissing his lips gently. Yuuri responded by hooking his arms around Victor’s neck. “You forget, my love,” he kissed him again as he reached Yuuri’s door. “We’re her coaches, remember?” he chuckled. “Even if you can’t skate anymore, which I know you _can_ and you _will_ ,” he interjected before Yuuri had the chance to protest. “I can choreograph the routines and teach them to her, while you can critique us both from the sidelines with your arms crossed and hunched over, just like Yakov.” he grinned. “I’ll even get you a fedora so it will be kindof official.” He kissed his forehead.

 

“You and I both know I would _not_ look good in a fedora,” Yuuri laughed as Victor nudged Yuuri’s bedroom door open with his foot.

 

“Oh I don’t know about that,” Victor chuckled, sitting him on the bed and setting the walker beside it. “I think you’d look quite dashing.” Yuuri blushed at that. “Now, its 1:00 AM, and I know you’ve been up since probably 5:00, so I suggest you get some rest. I’ll see you tomorrow bright and early for practice, and then Physical Therapy at lunch.” He kissed Yuuri’s forehead and moved to leave but Yuuri reached out and latched onto his arm.

 

“Y-You can stay with me,” he stuttered, blushing. “I-I mean if you want. I just thought maybe you’d want to move back in and all since you did call me your fiancé earlier,” he turned even redder, looking away.

 

Victor smiled warmly and bent down, kissing Yuuri sweetly. “Of course I do. Just let me go get my things.”

 

Yuuri smiled and slowly moved himself into a laying down position as Victor left the room, barreling down the hall like a madman until he reached his own. When he reached it, he practically ripped the door open in his anticipation while he opened it. He looked to his bag in the corner and the letters in the floor and he greedily stuffed them into his bag, not caring if some of them spilled the first time. He only picked up those fallen ones and shoved them in along with his clothes. A small piece of paper floated down from one of his jacket pockets.

 

It was a plane ticket.

 

 _Kyushu Saga to Pulkovo._ Four days from now. 8:00 PM Departure time, 10:00 PM arrival time the next day.

 

He smiled to himself like an idiot.

 

He knew just what to do with this.

 

As he made his way back to Yuuri’s room he saw a shredder by the doorway to the office.

 

  
He took the piece of paper in his hand.

 

And without a second thought.

 

He shredded it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Vocabulary:
> 
> Niet ~ (Russian) No
> 
> Bolvani ~ (Russian) Blockheads
> 
> Porosyenok ~ (Russian) Piglet/Piggy
> 
> Jiji-San ~ (Japanese) A casual way of saying Ojii-San (Old man) Very informal. 
> 
> Lyubov Moya ~ (Russian) My Love


	9. Chapter Eight: A Step In The Right Direction

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Victor and Yuuri try to move past their most recent obstacle, but they begin to realize that isn't going to be as easy as they'd hoped.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEY GUYS! 
> 
> I hope you all liked last chapter, I really worked hard on that one, as with this one. I Just want to take a moment and thank Users IWriteStuffAndThings, Vince, and Kuhaku_Kaien for being my loyal commenters! I read all of your wonderful comments, but you three have been faithful on giving me feedback on each chapter, and that really makes me smile. I didn't get as many comments on the last chapter and that made me a little discouraged, but you three always make me smile! So thank you! 
> 
> The song for this Chapter is "Never Say Never" by The Fray
> 
> Here is the link to Sakura, Sakura

# Forever & Always

### Chapter Eight: A Step in the Right Direction

Yuuri grunted in pain as he tried to take another step, panting hard as he fought against the gravity that threatened to pull him down, but with that same determination he held inside himself, he forced himself onward. One step, two step, then another. He squinted his eyes, focusing hard, his hands white knuckling the bars on either side of him and Victor could practically hear what he was thinking.

 

_I can’t do this._

 

_I have to do this._

 

 _For Victor, I have to be stronger than this_.

 

And so he pushed himself forward, one step in front of the other, until he had completed the short distance, collapsing against Victor who was waiting at the end. Victor smiled proudly, rubbing his back gently, kissing his cheek.

 

“Why don’t you give yourself a break?” he encouraged, trying to lead him towards the bench in the small gym in Ice Castle Hasetsu, but Yuuri refused him, putting his hand on Victor’s shoulder.

 

“N-No,” he stuttered, wiping futilely at the sweat that was beading up on his face, his hand shaking, his legs looked as if they might buckle. “I want to do it one more time.” he forced a smile.

 

“But you’ll hurt yourself,” Victor begged, but Yuuri had already turned around, and was grasping the bars again.

 

“Then so be it,” he grunted, taking the first step, wincing from the pain he was in. Victor wished he could just translate his thoughts into Yuuri’s brain.

 

_You’re perfect, Zolotse._

 

_You don’t need to be more than what you are._

 

_I love you._

 

That’s when Yuuri let go of the bars.

 

Victor reached forward to catch him, expecting him to fall immediately, but he didn’t. Instead he walked forward. Completely on his own, he walked to Victor again, legs shaky and his face contorted with immense agony, but on his own. No bars. No walker. On his own.

 

“How’d I do?” he chuckled a little as he leaned against Victor the second time, this time letting him guide him to the bench. “Was that what you were expecting?” He smirked, taking a towel and dabbing his face with it. It was as if he was mocking him, four years ago all over again, when he’d added the quad flip to his free program. The same prideful expression, full of happiness and yet still holding a bit of doubt.

 

Victor kissed him sweetly, grabbing his shirt tightly, pulling him closer.

 

“V-Victor,” Yuuri mumbled in protest against his lips when they broke apart, but Victor only took a short breath before kissing him again, this time with much more fervor.

 

“You could’ve hurt yourself!” he chided, a huge grin plastered on his face. “But that was brilliant!”

 

Yuuri blushed intensely at this, only scratching his head absentmindedly. “It was nothing, really,” he looked away. “I just wanted to surprise you…”

 

Victor smiled down on him lovingly, bending down to speak in his ear, kissing his cheek on the way, “Well you certainly did that, _Zvezda Moya_ ,” he breathed, smirking as he felt the heat rise in Yuuri at the small touch. “Howabout you and I make a deal?” he smiled innocently as he pulled away to find that Yuuri had become completely red.

 

_Gospodi pomiluy menya, he’s so perfect._

 

“W-What’s that?” Yuuri asked, trying his best to calm down from the recent excitement.

 

Victor bent down, placing a hand on either side of the man, pleased that he was getting so worked up again. Man this was still fun. “Every time you do something so incredible,” he slowly brought his lips to Yuuri’s jawline, planting a small kiss there, working his way up to his lips, pulling back just as he reached them. “I’ll reward you with something as equally surprising.”

 

Yuuri blushed again, completely red, but he reached his hand, burying his fist in Victor’s shirt, yanking him down, “Deal,” he raised his eyebrows in a challenge, smirking as he planted a kiss right behind Victor’s earlobe, making him just as red. It was only fair. “But you’re gonna have to work _really_ hard to surprise me,” he pulled back kissing Victor briefly before getting up, and gripping the walker, swiftly moving away, moving his hips tauntingly.

 

Victor slid to the floor, fanning himself off a little.

 

_No, scratch that._

 

_Gospodi pomiluy menya, because he’s gonna be the death of me._

 

That was two months after the accident.

 

—————————

 

A month later they were at a skating event with Lutz, when Victor heard a loud inhuman screech from the other side of the skate rink. There was only one person who that could be. He smiled to himself.

  
Kenjirou Minami came barreling through the crowd like a madman, screaming the whole way. “Yuuri-Kun!” he smiled as he reached them, bowing to Yuuri and Victor politely, who did the same.

 

“Hello, Kenji-Chan,” Yuuri smiled warmly, holding his cane in one hand and reaching out his arms for a hug. “How have you been, it’s been far too long since we’ve spent time together?” Minami practically melted at the gesture, but happily accepted the hug, squeezing Yuuri gently.

 

Victor blanched. “ _Kenji-Chan?_ ” he asked, looking to Yuuri, who only blushed.

 

Minami scratched his head as he pulled away from Yuuri’s hug, laughing awkwardly, “Ah, s-sorry Victor that must’ve sounded weird. Yuuri and I grew close after his accident three years ago. I helped him get back skating again. We met each other twice a month for almost a year after he moved back in, trying to teach him how to skate. I can’t really take any of the credit because way before he was supposed to, he was skating circles around me," he laughed a little, his eyes crinkling. “We kept talking afterwards, and eventually developed a close friendship. We stopped being formal pretty quicker than normal, but he’s a pretty special guy so I don’t think normal applies to Yuuri-Kun,” He looked at Victor, and Victor thought those sunshine filled eyes of his were just a little too happy. That was because he was pretty sure it was the way _he_ looked at Yuuri.

 

His face hardened a little and he stepped in between the two of them. Not enough to be particularly aggressive, but enough to give Minami the message of _back off_. “How nice of you,” he said curtly. Yuuri glanced at him apprehensively. He could practically hear him asking, are you okay? Victor was absolutely _anything but_ okay. It hurt like hell to think of someone else taking his place in Yuuri’s life, but he swallowed those feelings as Kenjirou continued talking.

 

“What’s the cane for, Yuuri-Kun?” he asked, taking in the simple walking stick made of stained cherry wood, a simple ring of silver at the top attaching the black tip to the rest of the cane. He furrowed his brows in confusion, “I thought you were walking on your own most of the time now, or at least that’s what Mari said on her Instagram posts of you…”

 

Yuuri avoided his gaze. “I supposedly don’t have to have it for much longer due to how quickly I’ve been recovering, but for some reason whenever I’m in stressful situations it feels like the pain in my legs gets worse. So Vitya bought me this really nice one, with a padded handle.” He looked up at Victor with a big smile and Victor returned it. “My doctor called it something like ‘psychosomatic’ pain, but I just can’t bear to think of it as all in my head. That only makes me feel worse about myself, which in turn,” he stumbled a little and winced, “makes it worse.” He couldn’t bring himself to look at either of them as Victor caught him. “I know it sounds stupid, but it’s just something I have to deal with.” He forced a smile.

 

The 20-year-old only shook his head, a stern, serious look appearing on his face as he placed a hand on Yuuri’s shoulder. “Hey, don’t say that,” he smiled, full of warmth. “You can’t make fun of me anymore, remember? If you make fun of yourself you’re making fun of me for looking up to you…” Victor looked from Minami to Yuuri confused. Nobody but Yuuri’s family was supposed to know about his recovered memories yet. Not until he made a full recovery from the recent accident, when he would be ready to deal with the media. Thankfully they called Kenjirou’s name and he spirited away, screaming “Wish me luck!Just like old times, Yuuri-Kun!”

 

“ _Ganbatte ne_!” Yuuri yelled as he watched Minami hit the ice. “He’s really grown up, huh?” he smiled to himself, clapping and cheering with the crowd.

 

Victor just turned away, crossing his arms. “Close friends, huh?” he asked, his voice heavy with suspicion. He hated feeling this way. Jealousy was a monster within Victor, an ugly, greedy creature that threatened to overcome him entirely.

 

Yuuri’s smile fell and Victor instantly felt his heart drop. “What’s wrong?” he asked, putting a hand on Victor’s shoulder. “Come on, _anata_ , you can tell me,” he gently rubbed the spot and Victor felt the tenseness he’s been holding there dissipate, and his stress eased.

 

“It’s just, _Kenjirou Minami_?!” he asked, incredulous. “He, of all people was your rebound boy?”

 

Yuuri started laughing, wheezing out sharp breaths. “Y-you think I hooked up with Minami?” he chuckled, leaning up against his boyfriend. “That’s hilarious.”

 

Victor pushed him off and Yuuri had to use his cane to keep from falling, his smile falling again, his big brown eyes filling with hurt. “That’s not funny. I know I messed up bigtime, but if you really had all your memories then how the hell could you fool around with someone else while my ring was around your neck?!” he yelled.

 

Yuuri clenched his jaw in agitation, “I didn’t fool around with anybody okay? What did you expect me to do, fly Phichit all the way in from Thailand to help me recover from the fact that I was never gonna be the same again?!” he yelled back. “I had to find someone I could trust to help me try and remember, and while Phichit was a nice idea, he had his own life, his own career to think of, so I went with the only person I could think of that would be completely willing to keep what we were doing a secret. Yes, we did skate together, and that helped me get back on my feet, but mostly he’d tell me stuff and see if I remembered it. We never even flirted once, okay?! I knew he had a crush on me, but I made it clear that we were to be strictly friends and he grew to accept that.” he growled. “He was underage and I’m not that kind of disgusting pervert anyway. I loved _you_ Victor, and I still do, so please don’t let something as little my friendship with Kenjirou Minami get in the way of how far we’ve come.”

 

Victor nodded slowly, shaking his head, but he was still angry. “Just make sure he knows that,” he said, his voice had a hard edge to it. “I see the way he looks at you, Yuuri, and I don’t like it. I don’t want anyone else but me to look at you that way.”

 

Yuuri nodded back, taking his arm again. “Let’s just get through this competition, we can talk about this later, okay?” he pulled them towards the sidelines where Lutz was getting ready to perform. “Lutz needs both of our support today, and that means we have to put all the focus on her.”

 

Victor smiled at that. He really did make a great coach. “You’re right. Let’s go cheer for our girl.”

 

——————————

 

_That night he saw him._

 

_He was standing in the middle of the road, his body thin, just skin and bones._

 

_Blood soaked through his white collared shirt, torn and ripped to shreds like his black business slacks._

 

_His shoes were missing._

 

_His gray socks were black with the blood seeping through them._

 

_It left footprints of black on the pavement, shining red in the places the streetlights hit it._

 

_He stumbled as he tried to walk, his legs shaking in that all familiar way._

 

_His arms shuddered with the weight of his body, his cane making rattling noises as it hit the pavement, as he dragged it behind him._

 

_His brown ember eyes were dead as he locked eyes with Victor, tears streaming down his face, staining his beautiful cheeks._

 

_His glasses were cracked._

 

_His hair was muffed up, matted in places with blood that streaked from his hairline just like it had three years ago._

 

_That’s who he was._

 

_It was him from three years ago, somehow miraculously brought here, to now._

 

_He locked eyes with Victor as the car approached him._

 

_Victor couldn’t make a noise. No matter how hard he screamed, the words wouldn’t come._

 

_He heard the word, shaky, thick with agony and wet with tears._

 

_“Goodbye.”_

 

_A whisper before_

 

**_SCREEECH!_ **

 

**_CRASH!_ **

 

_The car collided into him at full force, throwing him up into the air like a doll, and he fell, hitting the pavement with a dull thud._

 

———————————

 

“ _YUURI!_ ” Victor screeched, waking up covered in sweat and thrashing around in his and Yuuri’s bed. “Yuuri! YUURI NO! _Yuuri, please_!” he writhed, searching for Yuuri but the sheets only wrapped themselves around him tighter, slowly suffocating him. He felt as if the room was coming down around him. He felt blind and deaf, alone in the world as he continued fighting, his heartbeat climbing at alarming speed. The only thing going through his head was Yuuri’s name. He couldn’t calm down.

 

Suddenly, two strong arms wrapped themselves around him, pulling him closer and he felt himself come down a little from his panic induced high. “Victor,” Yuuri’s sleepy voice mumbled, “Vitenka I’m right here.” he took Victor into his arms, “Hey! Listen to me, shhh.” He began to gently caress his cheek, singing softly “ _Sakura, Sakura. Yayoi no sora wa, mi-watasu kagiri. Kasumi ka kumo ka, nioi zo izuru. Izaya. Izaya. Mini Yukan._ ”

 

The song’s slow, repetitive tune gently eased Victor as he cried, “I’m so sorry, Yuuri… I’m so sorry..” he sniffled, burying himself into Yuuri’s chest. Yuuri only moved so he would be more comfortable but continued stroking his head softly. “I’m such an idiot. I shouldn’t have yelled at you earlier. You couldn’t have just stayed in one place while I was gone. You had to move on too, and I shouldn’t have been angry with you about that.. I’m so sorry, will you please forgive me?”

 

Yuuri smiled gently and placed a small kiss on his forehead, “Of course I will.”

 

Victor felt himself almost fully calm down and nuzzled into Yuuri a little more. “Hey, where did that song come from?” he asked when his heart had fully returned to a normal rate. “How did you know it would calm me down?”

 

Yuuri smiled, blushing a little from embarrassment. “It’s a children’s song that they teach you when you start learning to play Koto… My mom used to play when she was a kid. It used to be her favorite song. She used to sing it to me when I was a baby, and then when I got diagnosed with anxiety, she’d always sing it to help me get over my panic attacks. And for some reason it worked.”

 

Victor smiled at that. “Your mom really is amazing, you know that?”

 

Yuuri grinned, closing his eyes. “I do.” He kissed Victor’s head again. “Now you should get back to sleep. We can’t show up to practice with bags under our eyes, walking around like zombies. People will think we’ve been… _up to something._ ”

 

Victor blushed but chuckled. “Okay, Goodnight. _Ya Tebya Lyublyu_.”

 

“ _Goodnight, Aishteru._ ”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Vocabulary: 
> 
> Zvezda Moya ~ (Russian) My star.
> 
> Gospodi Pomiluy Menya ~ (Russian) God have mercy on me. 
> 
> Ganbatte Ne ~ (Japanese) Good luck! Do your best!
> 
> Anata ~ (Japanese) A word a woman usually calls her husband (I HATE using a gender specific word, but I figure we can just ignore that part because Victor is basically that figure to Yuuri, and its the closest I could come for finding a word for dear).
> 
> Ya Tebya Lyublyu ~ (Russian) I love you. 
> 
> Aishteru ~ (Japanese) I love you.


	10. Chapter Nine: A Yes Or No Question

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two weeks later, after the next competition, Victor finds he has a very pressing question.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hola~
> 
> I'm so glad that you all like my story so much! I love these two so much and I really want to do them justice even if they're not my original characters. This fic has been one of my absolute favorite projects to keep up with, and even if it takes me a long time, I greatly enjoy writing each chapter. 
> 
> Song for this Chapter is "Marry Me" by Jason Derulo. 
> 
> The slow song mentioned near the end, playing in the background is "Flightless Bird/American Mouth" by Iron and Wine.

# Forever & Always

### Chapter Nine: A Yes Or No Question

###    


Lutz performed her program flawlessly, and her smile was so full of pride as she held up her gold medal to her two coaches. “Go on,” she ordered, placing a hand on her hip, dangling the medal tauntingly. “Kiss it. You both promised you would!”

 

Victor winked at Yuuri, who blushed as they both bent down to kiss it, in tradition. Cameras flashed and people clapped as their lips both touched the metal for a brief second before Lutz grinned and jerked it up quickly, sending Yuuri flying forward, his lips locking with Victor’s as he fell into his lover’s arms. The crowd cheered as Victor bent forward a little, dipping him, kissing the blushing man passionately.

 

“Lutz!” Yuuri whined in annoyance as Victor returned him to a standing position. “What was that for?” He clapped his hands over his reddening cheeks.

 

Lutz laughed handing her medal to Yuuko, who was behind her, taking pictures of the couple in each other’s arms. “Well Vicchan is always calling you _Zolotse_ , so I figured if you’re really his gold, then what’s the difference?” She chuckled and hugged both of them tightly. “Thank you guys, really. I never would have made it this far if it weren’t for you. Both of you, I mean.”

 

Victor laughed a little, patting her head a little. “Anything for you _Siryn_ ,” he smiled warmly down on her. “You know…” he trailed off, kissing the top of Yuuri’s head. “If what you say is true, then perhaps every time you win a gold medal, I’ll just kiss Yuuri for the crowds instead of the medal….” Yuuri blushed and buried his face into Victor’s chest, mumbling a _no, God please._

 

Lutz grinned, and let go of her two coaches. “Perfect!” she ignored Yuuri’s mumbled complaints that it was absolutely _not_ perfect, and went over to her family, picking little Flip up and making her wave to the two of them.

 

She babbled something close to “DaDuKa!” as Lutz moved her little hand, and Victor practically died inside, he was so giddy. They were still working on it, but soon enough the toddler would be calling him Dyadushka. It all felt like a fever dream, it seemed so surreal and amazing. He made a mental note to thank Chris and all the other skaters profusely for making him do this. Like Bigtime Thanks.

 

“Come on,” he rubbed Yuuri’s shoulder gently, “let’s go home.”

 

Yuuri nodded, “Okay,” he held out his free arm and Victor happily accepted it, linking their arms so he could help him walk.

 

As they reached the doors, he saw a long line of reporters outside the door and shook his head. This was always the hardest part of coming to competitions. Once they’d officially announced their recent reconciliation, the crowds just couldn’t get enough of them. They’d push their microphones and cameras in their faces and demand to know about their personal lives. They always asked the same questions, and their constant presence didn’t do much for Yuuri’s self esteem. It wasn’t like he didn’t appreciate the fans, but their constant questioning made him nervous, and the nervousness affected his psychosomatic symptoms, and that only made his confidence plummet, making it a downward spiral. Victor wished he could hate them, but he knew they meant well, and that was always the bad side of being so popular. You just couldn’t pick fights with the paparazzi. That was the one big no no. And if Victor ruined Yuuri’s reputation he’d never forgive himself.

 

He pushed the door open and almost instantly he was met with the ever present set of recording devices, a perky looking woman with blonde hair and red lipstick that was too bright for her complexion pulling the two of them aside.

 

She started speaking into the microphone in her hand once she was given the thumbs up from the cameraman, “I’m here with the two men of the hour, the talk of up and coming skaters, we have the two legendary lovebirds, Yuuri Katsuki and Victor Nikiforov. Now, I think I speak for everyone here when I say that I was very touched when I heard that you two were back together after three years’ long separation.”

 

Victor and Yuuri forced smiles, and Victor mumbled a curt, but friendly, “Thank You,” to her, wrapping a hand around Yuuri protectively.

 

She continued on, keeping her eyes mainly on Yuuri, almost ignoring Victor. Her eyes were hungry as she asked, “With the accident that prompted your initial split, how ever did you manage to keep it together after your most recent accident?”

 

Yuuri laughed nervously, his leg shaking as he leaned on Victor for more support as he forced a smile, “It was actually my most recent accident that prompted us to get back together. We both came to the conclusion that life was just too short for us to dwell on past mistakes, so we decided to put it all behind us and continue on with our relationship normally.”

 

She held a confused look on her face, asking again. “How can that be possible with your injury? That must be difficult for you both, especially the one who has to constantly look after the other.”

 

_Oh no. Don’t you dare go there. Don’t you dare make him think that._

 

She continued on her berating the poor man, “I hear the doctors called it Psychosomatic, so why do you still use the cane? Certainly you must be able to walk on your own without it.”

 

Yuuri continued to smile, but it grew weaker with every word. “That’s what they tell me, but I’m still mentally very fragile, so I haven’t been able to stop using it yet. Honestly I don’t know when I’ll be able to, but I do hope to be able to discontinue it eventually,” he laughed, his voice full of all the insecurities that he was trying to hide.

 

The reporter only clicked her teeth, shaking her head in disappointment. “But how can you possibly be the coach of such a prodigy as Lutz Nishigori? If you can’t skate, then can you really be as good of a coach as someone who could skate and teach her all the things she’ll need to know if she’s going to make it as major as you or your fiancé one day? Are you truly that confident in your abilities and expertise on the sport that you don’t think you need to physically be on the ice in order to teach your student and lead her to such success?”

 

Yuuri frowned and Victor decided he’d had enough, so he pulled Yuuri away from the woman, giving her one last answer, his voice clearly full of anger. She’d crossed the line. “I teach Lutz her routines, and Yuuri and I both choreograph them, me skating while he gives me ideas and tips from the sidelines. He’s one of the most intuitive minds I’ve ever seen when it comes to skating, and he has impeccable eyes for fine detail, and I can guarantee that even with this cane, which is _not_ something to be ashamed of, he could still skate circles around the likes of you who have probably never set foot on the ice aside of group skate. That’s all I have to say on the matter, now if you’ll excuse us we have a previously planned engagement that we have to get to. We will take no more questions.” He led Yuuri away from the crowd, and Yuuri didn’t fight him as he did so. That wasn’t a good sign. Usually Yuuri would protest at letting someone else help him, because it hurt his fragile pride. The fact that he wasn’t fighting meant that he simply didn’t have the energy to do so anymore. Someone had stolen all the fight from him. Victor didn’t even have to guess who that was. He already knew.

 

What the reporter had said had gotten to him, and Victor could practically feel his heart crumbling into little pieces as he watched the man he loved so much slowly cave more and more inside himself, filled with anxiety and doubt.

 

That’s when he knew he never wanted to let anyone hurt Yuuri like that again.

 

That’s when he knew he wanted to be beside him forever, protecting his precious gold.

 

Seeing how hurt he was, then and there, feeling so unlovable.

 

That’s when Victor made his decision.

 

————————————————-

 

Later that night, as they were cleaning up Ice Castle Hasetsu, Victor put his hand over his mouth to stifle a laugh as he watched Yuuri and Yuuko argue over who got to show Lutz her new plaque on the wall of fame in Ice Castle Hasetsu, next to Yuuri’s as another award winning figure skater who came from the rink.

 

Yuuko stood resolute, her arms crossed over her chest tightly as she insisted in a stern voice, “I am her mother and the owner of Ice Castle Hasetsu, so it should be me who gets to show her the plaque tomorrow!” She huffed, turning her nose up.

 

Yuuri’s brown embers filled with determination, his right hand curling into a fist around his cane. “I’m her _coach!_ Her accomplishments are the best type of reward I could get, and plus it’s next to _my_ plaque, so it should be me!” He screwed his face into a playful scowl and shook his cane at her like an old man. “Besides, someone has to hold the camera, and I can only use one hand, so that counts me out!” He smirked.

 

She opened one eye, and started laughing. “You’re so stubborn, Yuuri,” she shook her head. “How do you and Victor agree on anything?”

 

Yuuri laughed at that, “We do,” he smirked over at Victor, who was finishing putting up pairs of skates, winking. Victor blushed, but sent a kiss back. “We find ways…” he smirked and Victor had to look away. Ok, so Yuuri had grown in the confidence department over the years. It was a blessing and a curse.

 

“Anyways,” Yuuko said, turning away. “I’ll let you show her the plaque tomorrow-“ Yuuri’s face lit up, “But, _BUT_ , you and Victor have to close the rink for the next two weeks.” Victor winked at Yuuko, giving her a thumbs up. The plan was working.

 

Yuuri didn’t even pay the least bit of attention to him, he was so excited. “It’s a done deal!” he shook her hand quickly, running over to Victor, forgetting his leg for once, and Victor had to force himself to keep it together so he wouldn’t trigger another onset by revealing what he had done as he looked down on his boyfriend who was tugging against his arm excitedly, purring his name, “ _Vitenka_ , you wouldn’t mind helping close the rink in exchange for giving me the once in a lifetime opportunity of presenting our student her new plaque?” He batted his eyelashes cutely, really laying it on thick as he nuzzled into him.

 

Victor smirked down on him, playing innocent as he said the words, “Alright, but you owe me something in return for making me work overtime, _Yura_ …”

 

Yuuri turned three shades of red at the nickname, but released himself from Victor’s arm. “Alright,” he smiled, and turned to go tell Yuuko the news, but looked around confused when he saw she wasn’t there anymore. “Huh,” he said, scratching his head, “She must’ve left right as I went to go get you… Oh well, take your skates off, we need to get started now if we want to make it home at a decent time.”

 

Victor only walked out of the rack room dangling Yuuri’s old pair of skates by their black laces, the red and white skate guards still on as he made his way over to the younger man. “You need to put your skates _on_ , _Lapotchka_ , because we’re gonna try something tonight.” He fingered the ring in his pocket, still on its chain like it had been months ago, and tried to shake his nerves.

 

“V-Victor,” Yuuri whispered, his voice full of fear. “You know I can barely walk. What makes you think I can skate without falling flat on my ass and making a mess of myself,” he looked away, refusing to take the skates. “I’m sorry, I just can’t do it.”

 

Victor only pulled him close, kissing the top of his head tenderly and dropping the skates in his hands. “I’ll hold onto you the whole time. We’ll do this together, and I won’t let go.” he lifted Yuuri’s face up by his chin gently, stroking his cheek with his thumb. “I have faith in you.”

 

“R-Right,” Yuuri mumbled and hobbled over to the bench, lacing his skates for the first time in four months, but to Yuuri this had to have felt like the very first time he was being tossed out onto the ice, and he must surely think that the ice wouldn’t be forgiving, but that’s where he was wrong. Victor had decided that he wouldn’t let anything hurt him ever again.

 

He made his way over to Victor slowly, his feet wobbling on the blades a little, but he made it to the Kiss and Cry intact. Victor took his arms in his hands, gently sliding him onto the ice, “Hi,” he whispered, looking down on him lovingly.

 

“Hi.” Yuuri blushed back, and Victor heard some slow music come on, softly spilling from the arena’s speakers. Damn, Yuuko had good taste. “You’ve been planning this haven’t you?” the man asked as Victor slowly dragged him in a circle across the rink.

 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Victor said, continuing skating. “It must be a friendly ghost playing music for us.”

 

Yuuri laughed at that, and started to glide a little, taking small steps. “Ghosts in Japan aren’t normally nice ghosts, you know?” he picked up the pace of his steps, gliding naturally, as if he’d only been on the ice yesterday.

 

“Yeah, I think I got that from you the first time I made you watch Poltergeist with me,” Victor chuckled, and gently squeezed Yuuri’s hand. “I’d never seen you so absolutely terrified of something in my life!”

 

“Well when you grow up here, spirits are typically the type of things your mom tells you about before you go to bed at night, to make you behave properly.” Yuuri giggled, leaning into Victor a little.

 

“Well I didn’t know that!” Victor busted out laughing. “All I knew was all of the sudden you were clawing at me in every direction, clinging to me like a koala, screeching at me to turn it off. You didn’t sleep for a week after that, I bet. I can’t know for sure because you shut me out of the room during that week.”

 

“Well you deserved it, you arrogant ass,” Yuuri smirked.

 

“Oh, bite me. You know you missed me.” Victor grinned back.

 

“Maybe,” the younger man smiled, and Victor briefly let go of his hand to scratch an itch on his face absentmindedly.

 

That’s when Yuuri hit a rough patch of ice.

 

His legs wobbled, and before Victor could catch him, he fell right on his back, only narrowly avoiding hitting his head.

 

“Y-Yuuri!” he screamed, and immediately bent down to kneel beside him, as he held his head in one both hands, covering his eyes, his shoulders shaking. He was crying.

 

“Y-You promised you wouldn’t let go,” he sniffled, tears slipping down his cheeks. “Look at me, I’m so weak I can’t even skate on my own anymore…” he cried, his voice thick with the emotional pain he was in.

 

Victor held his face in his hand, gently wiping his tears with his thumb. “I know,” he mumbled, “I know, I know, I know. I’m so stupid, I’m sorry, Yuuri. It’s just that you were skating so naturally I forgot about your injury for a minute and went to scratch an itch. “I should’ve been more attentive instead of in my own mind, will you forgive me, _Lyubov Moya_?” he kissed his cheek.

 

Yuuri stopped crying and nodded, his body shuddering from the effort of sobbing. “Of course. Let’s just get up and continue, okay?” he actually smiled and Victor smiled back, pulling him up.

 

“Okay,” he replied, pulling them into a slow dancing position, swaying them gently.

 

“What are you doing?” Yuuri asked, a small chuckle coming from his lips.

 

“Dancing,” Victor replied quickly, thinking back to the ring in his pocket, his nerves getting to him again. Man, why was this so hard? It wasn’t like he’d never done it before.

 

_What if I can’t do it?_

 

_What if he says no?_

 

_No, don’t think like that._

 

_Now’s the time, no backing out now._

 

“Yuuri I have to ask you a question,” he said the words so quickly they ran together and it would be a miracle Yuuri even understood them.

 

Clearly he was a miracle worker as Yuuri nodded his head. “Ask away. I’m here to listen.”

 

Victor slowly got down on one knee, grasping both of Yuuri’s hands.

 

Yuuri blushed profusely.

 

“Yuuri Katsuki,” he started, his voice a little shaky. “We’ve been through a lot these past four months together, and even more the four years before that. Through all of it, both the bad and the good, I honestly can’t believe I survived those years I lived without you. Because after being with you again, I realize it. You aren’t just the person I love. You’re a part of me, our hearts are one. You’re the very thing that keeps me breathing, and pretty much the only thing that gets me out of bed after a particularly bad night. You don’t look at me and see a someone else, or someone you thought I’d be like so many before. You see me for who I am, and still somehow you love imperfect, selfish me even when I’m going through one of the ugliest phases yet. And to me that astounds me, because in a world where everyone either wanted me for my success or wanted to be me, I never thought I’d get to enjoy Life or Love, but somehow you come quite literally waltzing into my life drunk off your ass and asking me to uproot my life and come be your coach. And for a second it all stopped. I wasn’t _Victor Nikiforov_ , I was just _Victor_ , and it felt like the first time anyone had ever called me that, because you were staring at me with those big beautiful brown eyes of yours, and I knew then I was gone. And here I am, four years later, wearing the ring you gave me back then and still just as gone for you.” He smiled, a tear falling from his eyes as he reached for the ring, slowly breaking the chain and slipping it into his hand. “A lot can happen in four years, A million Sakuras could bloom and fade in that time, but somehow our love stayed even when we didn’t. And that means the world to me because I’ve learned pretty quick that, to me every year I get to spend with you is an eternity filled with happiness. My prayer for us is that even though over the years these rings may become faded and worn down,” he glanced at his own scratched ring warmly, “We’ll remember that the true gold is the love we hold in our hearts, because there, I will keep you buried for many more eternities.” he slipped Yuuri’s right hand into his own, holding the ring up, the light glinting off it. “ _Lyubov moya, Lapotchka, Zvezda Moya, Zolotse_ ,” he said them all with all the tenderness in the world. “ _Yuuri_ , my love, _my world,_  Will you marry me?”

 

Yuuri nodded, his own eyes filling with tears. “Y-Yes!” he hiccuped the word as Victor slipped the ring on his hand. He barely pulled himself up in time to catch him as he vaulted himself onto him, knocking them both back to the ice. “Of course I’ll marry you.” He kissed him passionately.

 

Victor chuckled, running his finger’s through his hair affectionately as they broke apart, “Ya?”

 

“Yes.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Vocabulary: 
> 
> Lapotchka ~ (Russian) Sweetie Pie


	11. Chapter Ten: An Unending Duet (Part One)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yuuri and Victor work out some problems before the wedding.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song for this Chapter is "Count on Me" by Bruno Mars
> 
> The song they dance to later on in the chapter is "Rhythm of Love" by the Plain White T's

# Forever & Always

### Chapter Ten: An Unending Duet (Part One)

###    


It was two weeks until the wedding ceremony and Victor was absolutely, positively panicking as he waited for the person on the other end of the line to pick up. He practically jumped in his skin when he heard the rough, low voice answer, a light tone of annoyance in his voice at being disturbed.

 

“ _Da_?” he asked, “Vitya what is it?”

 

Victor curled up into a ball in the corner of the living room of their new apartment, hoping his fiancé was still in the shower and couldn’t hear him. “Yakov,” he muttered, softly. “I’m scared.”

 

The old man chuckled a little, but it was warm and fatherly. “Well I’d think you were crazy if you weren’t. If I’m remembering correctly before my first marriage to Lilya, I was so nervous I hit the nearest pub and got so drunk I actually convinced myself that I was the bride and went out looking at dresses. But you have nothing to worry about, Vitya. That man loves you with all his heart. How else could he have taken you back after all that? You should see the way you two look at each other. I’d say if anyone in this world has a chance at getting it right, it’s you two. You know that right? It might have taken longer than usual, but the fact that you found your way back to each other… that means something right there. You’d be a fool not to see that.”

 

Victor could practically hear his smile through the phone and he knew he was probably looking at Lilya as he said those words. “That’s not the problem,” he explained. “I just… I want our ceremony to be perfect, but no matter how much Yuuri says it is, and that I don’t need to worry about it, something feels missing. Yuuri’s having his father walk him down the aisle, and Yuuko is his maid of honor. But I have nobody for my grooms party… It just feels so empty. And I know this is a lot to ask, but, please Yakov….” he shook a little as he uttered the words. “You know I don’t talk to my family anymore after they shut me out, and you practically raised me since then. You’re like a father to me, so will you please walk me down the aisle? And will you ask Yuri if he’ll be my best man?” He waited for an answer nervously.

 

Victor heard the man sigh a little. “Vitya, it’s the middle of the season…”

 

“ _Please_ ,” he begged.

 

“Alright,” he heard the old man, and his voice sounded happy. “But I can’t answer for Yuratchka,” he started but he heard a yell from the other end of the receiver.

 

“Tell Vitya, I say yes to his proposition,” he heard Yurio say, “But I’m offended he didn’t want to ask me in person. Tell him he owes me three bowls of Katsudon.” He heard the younger man laugh.

 

“Yuratchka says-“ Yakov started but Victor cut him off, laughing.

 

“I heard him,” he chuckled, “Hey Yurio, how come you can hear me when I’m on Yakov’s phone?”

 

He heard Yurio chuckle, “How could I not? The man keeps the volume on his phone up so loud it might-as-well be speakerphone. I’m surprised he’s not deaf yet.”

 

Victor laughed. “Of course he still does that. You know I’ve come to the conclusion that Yakov is just beyond the human limit of what is possible.”

 

He heard Yakov growl, “You both are so mean to me when you claim to love me. I don’t know what to believe. Now you,” he heard him say, and he guessed he was probably pointing at Yurio. “I told you we have an early practice tomorrow. So get to bed now before you regret it in the morning.”

 

“ _Da, Da, Da_ ,” he heard Yurio say, his voice getting further away. “Goodnight you old prunes.”

 

“Goodnight Yuri,” he and Yakov both said at the same time and they laughed again.

 

“Well I better get back and go to bed as well. Just try and relax, okay? Everything will be okay.” The old man yawned.

 

“Okay, Goodnight Yakov. Thank you,” he said, beginning to release the tension e’d been holding inside himself.

 

“Goodnight, Vitya,” the old man replied warmly. “Don’t mention it.”

 

The phone clicked and the sound of dialtone meant that Victor was alone again. He sat and took in his surroundings for the thousandth time that week. Everything was so beautiful in their apartment. He loved everything about the place they’d moved into at the beginning of the week, from the tan, off-white color of the walls, to the red sofa they’d placed beside the fireplace. It was one of the newer, more westernized apartments that Victor had spared no expense in decorating it to his and Yuuri’s taste. As you walked un the door, the kitchen on the right, was fairly normal in Japanese style, with all Yuuri’s favorite cooking utensils in the cabinets, waiting to be used again. Directly across from that was the dining room, set with enough room for twelve guests if needed. Just past the dining room was their bedroom, on the left. It was in the classic western style, with a big bed in the middle, a huge mahogany wood closet with a floor length mirror was on the right side of the room. It led straight to a large bathroom, so they could use it whenever they needed without having to walk all the way out to the hallway where the guest bath was. It was set in both Western and Japanese styles, which Yuuri enjoyed because he could enjoy an onsen soak whenever he needed to relax. It was fully equipped to meet his need as well, and finally such things were stopping to make him nervous. It had a door that led back to the hallway, exiting into the living room on the left, behind the kitchen, separated by a thin wall. It had a small red coach and a couple chairs, with a television on the wall, next to a window that looked out one the sea. Back through the hallway were two more guest rooms, and the other guest bathroom at the end. It was perfect.

 

He heard the doorknob start to turn and he quickly shoved his phone into his pocket as Yuuri opened the bathroom door, standing in front of the mirror in a bathrobe, toweling off his dripping black hair a little with one hand as he waved some steam out. He was leaning up against the sink to keep himself from falling and he absentmindedly asked Victor, “Who was that?” as he hung the towel up, using a hand to push his hair back and out of his face. He squinted in the mirror as he examined his complexion closely, before slipping on his glasses and grabbing his cane, walking into the room, through the hallway to their room.

 

“No one important really,” Victor assured, following him into the room to help him get into his pajamas. He’d already taken off his robe when he arrived in their room and was shimmying on a pair of fuzzy sleep pants. Victor smiled. He was getting more independent, but Victor still insisted on helping him when it was needed. “How was onsen?” he asked, picking out one of Yuuri’s white t-shirts from their dresser.

 

“It was fine,” he whined as Victor pulled the shirt over his exposed chest. “I can do that much for myself you know,” he giggled. “That better not have been the wedding planner, because if I don’t get my strawberry daifuku decorated white chiffon cake, I swear I’m going to turn into bridezilla.”

 

Victor laughed at that. “You already were bridezilla,” he kissed his fiancé’s nose gently, smiling as he blushed. “If I remember correctly, you and I spent three days arguing over the colors. _But, baby I love light blue. I think light blue should be our color! That and white, grey, and black!_ ” He mocked Yuuri’s voice and Yuuri rolled his eyes.

 

“I still won didn’t I?” He smirked, pulling Victor down to him by his shirt, kissing his cheek.

 

Victor rolled his eyes back. “Technically no because I negotiated you down to baby blue, which is in between light blue and lilac, which, by the way,” he kissed Yuuri’s cheek back. “I think lilac would have made a great color, but you’re just so stubborn…” he laughed a little.

 

“Well,” Yuuri released him and laid on his back, rolling himself over onto the bed, searching for the TV remote. “There’s still plenty of things for us to decide on together. Besides, I liked watching your face when you went into the florist’s and were presented with all those flowers. You already knew you wanted lilacs for our table toppers, but she just wouldn’t stop handing you things to look at.” he laughed. “I honestly think she must be a fan or something. She was blushing like a tomato the whole time. It was annoying honestly.”

 

Victor smirked as he watched Yuuri’s face. It was twisted with hidden annoyance. “You were jealous, weren’t you?”

 

Yuuri looked away. “I don’t know what you mean…”

 

Victor pounced on him, tickling his sides a little and he began to kick and screech as he fought him, laughing, “V-Victor stop! I’m serious I will unleash a gas bomb on you so bad you won’t be able to sleep in here for the next three months.”

 

“No lying,” he picked his fiancé up and dragged him to the center of the bed, pinning him there. “Why were you jealous of her?”

 

Yuuri blushed and looked away. “I’m always jealous of people who look at you like that. I know you love me, but I guess that seeing that I’m not the only person who loves you, I don’t know how to handle it.”

 

Victor looked down on him with all the warmth and love he could muster, “You’re the only one I care about…” he bent down and kissed him softly, blinking through his silver locks as they drooped down when he pulled back up. “I mean that. I’d give it up, everything. Just to be with you.”

 

Yuuri reached his head up to kiss Victor again. “Okay…” he muttered, a smile on his face. He yawned and Victor chuckled a little.

 

“Tired?” he asked, rolling off of him, and pulling the bedcovers down.

 

Yuuri nodded and yawned again, crawling into bed with his fiancé, cuddling up close. “Yeah… I’m just so exhausted from worrying over this wedding.”

 

Victor snuggled closer, pulling the covers around them so they would be warm. “Everything will be just fine. I have faith.”

 

Yuuri smiled, “Me too,”

 

Victor nuzzled into him a little. “Good. Now get some sleep, _Zolotse_. We have all the time in the world. And before you know it, I’ll have your last name.”

 

Yuuri shook his head. “No.. We’re hyphenating. Katsuki-Nikiforov.” He scowled.

 

Victor rolled his eyes. “Katsuki-Nikiforov” he agreed, chuckling. “Goodnight, my love.”

 

“Goodnight.”

 

“I love you.”

 

“I love you too.”

 

———————————-

 

Two weeks later, the night before the wedding Yuuri was freaking out. He was sitting on the couch, his eyes searching the room like a madman, muttering to himself in Japanese. Victor shook his head, wishing his fiancé would let him in when he was going through these tough bits.

 

“ _Zvezda Moya_ ,” he started, “I would love to help you, but I can’t if you don’t tell me what’s going on.” He bent down in front of him and took his hands in his own, gently caressing them with his thumbs.

 

“I-It’s just…” he looked away. “I’m so scared something’s gonna go wrong.”

 

Victor sighed in relief. “I thought something was seriously wrong with you. You were just muttering to yourself and I couldn’t tell what you were saying. You scared me..” He chuckled, getting up. “Everything’s gonna be fine.” He reached over and turned on the radio, soft, flowing music coming through the speakers.

 

Yuuri frowned again. “But what if I fall.”

 

Victor frowned back, but stopped when he heard a particular song come on the radio. “Come on!” he reached out his hand to Yuuri. “I love this song.” Yuuri shook his head, but Victor just continued dancing, reaching for Yuuri’s cane, picking it up and dancing with it, jazz style.

 

Yuuri started smiling. “Come on, give it back now!” he laughed, reaching for the cane. “Victor I’m serious, I need that!” Victor only shook his head no, and continued dancing. Yuuri got up from the couch with a struggle, but reached Victor, tapping on his shoulder. “Now. Give it!”

 

“Nope.” he sat the cane down and took Yuuri’s hands in his own, twirling him. It was a bit shaky, but he stood on his own, and landed back in Victor’s arms, laughing a little. Victor stared into his eyes. “I’ve got you. One step at a time.” Yuuri nodded and Victor began to dance to the song, a gentle sway, that slowly evolved into them just fully galloping across the living room.

 

“That was fun,” Yuuri said as they stopped.

 

“I know,” Victor agreed with him, laughing as they rested their foreheads together to catch their breath. That’s when Yuuri’s phone rang.

 

“H-Hello?” he asked and all Victor could hear from the other end was garbled and slurred Russian. “Victor I think its for you… I think it might be Yakov.” He tried to keep from laughing.

 

“Yes, Yakov is everything alright? Is the hotel you’re staying at okay? I meant to meet you at the airport today but I never got the chance. Your and Yuri’s suits are here and ready for you guys tomorrow morning.”

 

Victor heard an impatient growl come from the other end of the line. “Let me get a word in first,” he heard his former coach slur. “I have some news.”

 

“For christ’s sake, _just tell him what you did_ Yakov!” he heard Yurio screech, his voice so full of anger he could tell that something had sent him into seething fury.

 

“What’s going on?” Victor asked confused, and he could tell Yuuri, in the corner was still laughing internally though he dared not do it out loud and face the wrath of an angry Yakov.

 

“I got ordained as a priest. I can marry you guys! I figured that I might as well go the extra mile for you Vitya, but Yuri here doesn’t seem to think it was a good idea, but what does he know?” Yakov explained, his voice full of as much innocence and sincerity he could muster.

 

“ _No,_ “ he heard Yurio seethe,“He got _drunk off his ass_ and _paid some online forum to ordain not only him but me as a priest_!”

 

Victor busted out laughing, and whispered to Yuuri, “Yakov got him and Yurio ordained as priests.”

 

Yuuri immediately erupted into a fit of laughter, “We already have a priest! They both knew that!” 

 

Victor took the phone in his hand again and talked into the receiver, “Yuuri thanks you for your concern, but we already have a priest booked for our ceremony, so it seems your pastoral cervices will not be needed.”

 

“It was just incase you needed it you _BOLVAN_!” Yakov yelled. “I just wanted to tell you. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

 

Victor laughed as both he and Yurio asked at the same time, “Will you even be sober enough to walk me/him down the aisle?!”

 

Yakov boiled, “That’s ENOUGH you two! Now off to bed both of you, especially you too, Vitya. You are gonna have a long night in front of you tomorrow if I remember correctly.”

 

Victor blushed. “Okay,” he agreed. “Goodnight Yakov. Goodnight Yuri.”

 

Both of them replied, “Goodnight, Vitya,” before the line went dead.

 

Yuuri was still giggling, “Your coach really is a special man isn’t he?” he asked, shaking his head.

 

Victor agreed, shaking his head as well. “Him I can see being ordained as a drunk thing, but Yurio? When will he use it?”

 

Yuuri laughed, “Maybe he’ll just marry himself to Otabek. He doesn’t seem to like people any more now that he’s grown up, so it might actually be better that way.”

 

Victor laughed at that. “I can see that happening. I can see him right now, clinging to that man like a scared kitten, growling ‘ _my Beka_!’ for the rest of eternity.” He cleared his throat. “On the other hand, he was right you know,” he smirked picking Yuuri up and carrying him to bed.

 

“W-What do you mean?” he asked, blushing.

 

“I mean, you, _Mr. Katsuki_ , have a long night ahead of you tomorrow. So you better get some rest and enjoy your last night with that name.” He smiled, tucking him into bed and climbing into bed behind him, wrapping an arm around him.

 

He heard him whisper it back as he intertwined his fingers with Victor’s. “Same to you, _Mr. Nikiforov_ ,” he purred. “Now let’s get some sleep. See you tomorrow.”

 

Victor blushed but felt himself grinning like an idiot.

 

Oh yeah.

 

He could definitely get used to this.

 

He flipped over to turn the light switch, powering off the lamp and throwing the room into total and complete darkness.  
“See you tomorrow,” he whispered back, turning so he could leave the ghost of a kiss on his fiancé’s cheek, and relished the thought that tomorrow he would get to finally call him husband. He felt as if a whole new world had opened to him as he flipped over and curled up to enjoy one last night with just one name.

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Vocabulary:
> 
> Da ~ (Russian) Yes/Yeah


	12. Chapter Ten: An Unending Duet (Part Two)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Victor and Yuuri begin a new chapter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! So the long awaited (I'm sure) part two of "An Unending Duet" is finally here. I know I usually post a chapter a day, but as I'm moving on into the next part of the fic, the second arc if you will, I will need more time to fully develop the storyline, so I might have to change my update schedule from once a day to twice a week. I hope you all won't mind, as I really hope you enjoy my writing. To give a teaser, the next arc is going to follow their journey as a married couple and the process of starting a family, but they find out that it isn't going to be quite as easy as they thought it would be. If any of you have suggestions on what I should do with that storyline, I would greatly appreciate them. I love having feedback and ideas! 
> 
> ~ Song for this chapter is "All I Want" by Ellie Goulding (If you listen you can pretty much pinpoint the point in the song that I imagine as the Vows and the Kiss ;) )
> 
> Grooms' Party Processional is "Coming Home" by The Pianissimo Brothers
> 
> Grooms' Processional is "River Flows in You" by Yiruma

# Forever & Always

### Chapter Ten: An Unending Duet (Part Two)

The next morning Victor awoke from his slumber nervously. He looked up to find Yuuri had already gone, but there was a note on the bed surrounded by a heart made of rose petals. Light blue rose petals. He smiled to himself as he saw Yuuri’s neat handwriting sprawling across the small piece of paper.

 

“Hello, _anata_ ,” the note read. “I love you very much, and today I get to prove that to the world. I hope you’re doing well as you wake this morning. I watched you sleep a little as I left, but you knew I’d do this. It’s bad luck for the groom to see the bride before the wedding. Or the groom to see the groom in our case. I’ll see you soon. Don’t forget, okay? I’ll be waiting for you to be mine. Ever yours, my darling, Yuuri.”

 

Victor smiled to himself and stuffed the note inside the pocket of his pajama pants. Of course he knew Yuuri would be gone. He would be on his way to his parents house to get ready, while Victor would be staying at the apartment with Yurio and Yakov. They weren’t met to see each other until the ceremony started, which, by the time on his watch, was starting in three hours. He heard knocking at their door and moved to open it, yelling, “I’m coming!”

 

Yurio did not look the least bit impressed as Victor opened the door. “You are really something else, you know that?” he complained as he entered, Yakov behind him. “It’s your wedding day, or are you so forgetful you forgot that as well.”

 

Victor rolled his eyes. “ _Dobroye Utro,_ Yuratchka,” he said, rummaging through their closet to find three tuxes. “Here, I hope you took some time to eat before you got here because it’s going to be a very long day from here. I need you to try yours on, you too Yakov,” he nodded to the older man, handing him his suit. “We have a lot of work to accomplish before the ceremony.”

 

“Yeah yeah, let me get settled in first,” Yurio waved him off and sat on the couch in the living room. “This is the first time I’ve been in your new place and you’re just gonna swat me away like I’m some fly? We have plenty of time to change into tuxes and rehearse your vows. Besides, we brought what you asked us, so you owe us.” He nodded to the large box in Yakov’s hands.

 

Yakov nodded, handing the box to Victor, “You’re lucky the girl let us have her, she wasn’t sure it was actually you who sent us to pick her up. We had to show her a picture of the three of us together for her to trust us. I’m surprised she didn’t call you to confirm, but I guess even she can have her faults. But you did a good job picking this little one. She’s adorable, and sweet tempered. Yuuri will love her.”

 

Victor nodded and pushed the lid off the box, to find the small animal sleeping, curled up into a ball, “I sure hope so… I hope Yuuri took the rings to Lutz. She’s gonna need them for the ceremony.” He looked around the room for the box with their rings in it, where they’d put them last night. He smiled a little in relief when he found it gone. It was a little sad and his finger felt empty without the familiar weight of a ring on it, but he was glad that they’d decided to keep their rings instead of buying new ones. To him, those rings were the ones that held all the meaning, the ones that held their stories. It was a happy thought.

 

“Vitya,” he heard Yurio scold him a little as he walked back into the living room to find the younger man pulling his hair back on one side in braids. “You need to stop freaking out for a little bit, okay? Everything is gonna work out. Now, as to whether or not it will go exactly as you planned it, I cannot say.” He pinned up the first braid. “But I can say that you freaking out is only gonna make this whole thing a whole lot more stressful than it needs to be. Now we need to all get changed so we can get on with it.”

 

Victor nodded. “You’re right. I’m sorry for making you worry.” He watched as the man slipped on the grey vest over his button up white shirt.

 

“Don’t mention it, now suit up. You have a damsel to go save from his solitude.” Yurio winked.

 

Victor blushed a little at that, but smiled as he heard Yakov come out of the bathroom and turned around to find his coach come out wearing his outfit. Identical to Yurio, he was wearing a black suit, with a grey vest, and baby blue tie, small bits of baby’s breath in his lapel.

 

“How do I look? I swear if I look hideous I’m taking this off and I’ll wear my fedora and overcoat.” The older man asked, and Victor only laughed a little.

 

“No you look amazing Yakov,” he assured the man. “Now I guess it’s my turn.” he moved to go get changed.

 

“Hurry up then!” he heard Yurio laugh. “Time is money, and currently you’re breaking my bank.”

 

“Yeah, sure,” he waved the younger man off and went to change, making sure he was ready for today. When he had gotten dressed, he remembered something. He took Yuuri’s note from this morning and stuffed it into his jacket pocket right over his heart.

 

There.

 

Now he was ready.

 

————————————

 

The ceremony was about to start and Victor could hear the small crowd of people who were there to witness the marriage. The garbled slur of Russian, Italian, Swiss and other languages told him that all the other skaters were here as well. He looked around and found Phichit, camera in hand, snapping away. He smiled at that. He and Yuuri had really made a good choice in their photographer. In fact, if he remembered correctly, Phichit hadn’t even been offended that Yuuri hadn’t asked him to be best man. As soon as Yuuri’d uttered the word “photographer” he’d immediately jumped at the chance and said he’d bring only the best equipment, and wouldn’t charge a thing. Victor couldn’t help but think that even if he wasn’t getting money, he was still getting epic bragging rights, not to mention all the juicy photos he’d get to spread around the internet and claim as his own talent. Everyone had a different price, that was for sure.

 

“Say cheese!” the thai skater smiled and snapped a picture of Victor, as he was absentmindedly staring out at the crowd. Everyone was filing into place.

 

Victor blinked and screwed his face up at the sudden flash of light. “At least get me while I’m looking at you,” he laughed, trying to regain his vision which had been momentarily impaired by Phichit’s camera. He heard music start to play and everyone started settling down.

 

“What’s the fun in that?” Phichit smirked, and chuckled a little, but once he saw the worried look on Victor’s face he stopped. “Hey,” he put a hand on Victor’s shoulder. “If it helps, Yuuri’s just as nervous to see you. So don’t worry. It’ll be over soon, okay?” He smiled, and Victor smiled back.

 

“Okay.” He hugged Phichit momentarily and then let him go so he could set up to record the procession.

 

The preliminary music stopped.

 

There was complete silence except for the waves crashing into the shore.

 

Someone flipped a switch.

 

A song started playing, and from where Victor was standing, he watched.

 

First, Yurio stepped forward from the partition that blocked Victor from seeing Yuuri and he saw Yuuko step out to meet him, taking his arm and stepping out into the middle aisle of the three set up on the beautiful beach in Hasetsu. She looked beautiful, wearing a simple baby blue dress with a sweetheart neckline, that gathered into a fabric rose at the middle, where the skirt cascaded like waves down to her knees. Her hair was gathered into a low bun, accented with small crystal appliqués made to match the rest of her jewelry which consisted of a small necklace and a bracelet. Her white heels completed the outfit, and Victor couldn’t help but smile happily at the two as they stepped in time to the music. When they had reached the end, she gently kissed Yurio’s cheek in sisterly affection before taking her place on Yuuri’s side of the alter.

 

Next, Axel and Loop stepped out from either side, wearing their baby blue dresses that had a high lace neckline that extended into short sleeves, a bow at the place where their mother’s rose was on her dress, and pleated silk skirts that reached their knees. Their hair was pulled up into buns as well, and Victor couldn’t help but smile as he watched Flip stumble as she tossed light blue flower petals down the middle aisle, just as her sisters were doing on either side.

 

He felt his heart plummet into his stomach as he heard the song slowly die away as the priest asked for all to rise and watch as the grooms made their procession.

 

Yakov took his arm and placed it on his, smiling. “It’s time Vitya.”

 

Victor swallowed his nerves and nodded. “Okay.”

 

A new song started playing.

 

He took his place on the left aisle, taking his first step.

 

When he turned his head to see Yuuri, it was as if it all stopped. He saw the man he loved and for a second, he was totally enraptured in him as he turned his head to look at Victor too. He was wearing a suit identical to Victor’s, black outer coat and slacks, a baby blue vest, grey striped tie, and lilacs in his lapel. Even though he knew that they were wearing the exact same thing, Victor couldn’t help but think that Yuuri was absolutely stunning. Gorgeous. _Prelestnyy_. He smiled and blew a kiss in his direction as he hobbled down the aisle on Toshiya’s arm. Victor blushed, but winked back. As they reached the bend, he smiled as he walked towards his fiancé, and his eyes widened as he stopped using the cane and walked to Victor by himself as they reached the alter.

 

“Surprise,” he mouthed and smiled.

 

Victor only smiled back and reached to grasp his hands, taking them in his own gently.

 

The priest began to speak, “Here, we are gathered to celebrate the union of two very special men, Yuuri Katsuki and Victor Nikiforov. In tradition, I must first ask, that if there is anyone here against the union of these two that they speak now, or may they forever hold their peace.” Silence. “Alright then. Before we move onto the vows, I must ask that the two of you know how serious these promises you two make to each other are,” he looked at Victor and Yuuri, and they both nodded. “Alright, then may I ask who has the rings?”

 

Lutz spoke up and walked down the center aisle, holding a lilac pillow with the two rings on it. She was dressed identically to her sisters, but the grin on her face as she reached her coaches gave it away that it was her. “Good luck,” she whispered and gently kissed both of their cheeks before sitting down beside her siblings after she had handed the rings to the priest.

 

“Now,” the priest spoke up. “I must ask that you two recite your vows here before both god and man, and ask that they bless these promises and make them holy, may you keep them until the day you die. First, Mr. Katsuki, your vows.”

 

Yuuri nodded and took Victor’s ring and staring right into his eyes, slipped it onto his left ring finger. “I, Yuuri Katsuki, promise to love you, Victor Nikiforov, until the day I die,” he said, his brown embers full of seriousness. “I promise to be by your side through either sun or storm. I vow that I will be the one to wipe away every one of your tears, and to hold you through all of your nightmares. I vow that no matter what life throws at us, I will never let it rip us apart, because, like I said all those years ago, this gold is the most important gold of my life. I vow again, to brand it into my heart with the love I hold for you. No one will touch it or remove it. And if things get hard, I vow to take things one step at a time, because I know I can take a thousand steps through even the worst agony if you’re by my side. I love you, Victor Nikiforov, and will forever be yours. No matter where we go, we go together. That is the vow I make to you today, and it is a vow I will take to my grave.”

 

Victor felt himself start to cry as he squeezed Yuuri’s hands, taking Yuuri’s ring in his hand. The priest nodded, and Victor began to speak, slipping the ring onto Yuuri’s left hand as he did so, his voice shaky. “I, Victor Nikiforv, promise you, Yuuri Katsuki, to be your hero every time you call. I promise that when you feel you’re alone, lost in the dark with no one to pull you out, I will be the light at the end of the tunnel, reaching to pull you out of your despair. I vow that no matter which way the wind may blow, my internal compass will always be pointing towards you, because you are so much more than the man I love. You are my life, my heart, my home, dear _Zolotse_. I vow that when there come times where you feel too weak to keep up with my pace, I will carry you in my arms so tenderly because I can’t stand the thought of life without you. I will be the man who doesn’t just help you continue on through the hardships, but helps you fight them off and rise above your demons because I know you’re so much stronger than you think. You saved me so many times, so this is my promise. I will love you every day of my life with more and more passion. I will help you in your darkest hours, and I will rescue you with that love because I know for myself that that same love has saved me many times before.That is my vow, from now to the end of time.”

 

The entire audience was in tears, even Yurio desperately fighting the tears as they streamed down his cheeks.

 

The priest made a motion for everyone to calm down, and spoke again. “Now that we have heard your promises, I do declare you, by the power vested in me by powers far greater than that of the great empire of Japan, Mr. and Mr. Katsuki-Nikiforov.” Everyone cheered and he motioned to both of them. “You may kiss the groom.” He chuckled a little at that last part.

 

Victor pulled him close and passionately kissed him, moving his hands to hold Yuuri’s back as he dipped him.

 

Yuuri blushed profusely as Victor brought him back up to a standing position, muttering, “What was that for?” as they posed for a picture for Phichit.

 

As soon as Phichit had snapped the picture he picked Yuuri up bridal style and carried him off to the small area where they had designed to be their reception, setting him at the table beside him, kissing his temple. “It was a surprise, husband dearest,” he smirked.

 

“Well it worked, _hubby_ ,” Yuuri mocked and laughed as the rest of the crowd piled in behind them, taking their seats.

 

“Okay Okay,” he heard the voice of Phichit, now taking over the job of announcer. “Let’s eat!”

 

———————————

 

After they had eaten, it was time for speeches, which all blurred together, and at the end of the night as he and Yuuri stumbled into their apartment kissing and pulling at each other like hungry animals, all Victor could really remember were bits and pieces like Yuuko stating how happy she was for Yuuri to have finally found someone who could make him happy, and how if Victor EVER hurt him again, that he would have to deal with mama bear and four wild cubs who would hunt him down and shred him to pieces if they ever got word of it. It was threatening, but still sweet, just like Yuuko herself, and that thought made Victor smile. Yurio had gotten absolutely smashed on wine and champagne, and started his by saying, ‘dearly beloved, we are gathered here to gay,’ which was a huge hit, and had everyone laughing. Perhaps getting ordained wasn’t such a bad thing for the angry kitten. For their first dance together as husband and husband, they had danced to “Like I’m Gonna Lose You” and cried because both of them had felt the words of the song in their souls. But now, as Victor turned the key in the lock, with Yuuri attached to his neck like a leech, the only thing he could think about besides all the things they were going to get up to in the next few hours was the complete and utter happiness he felt in his soul at the fact that now they were to be together.

 

He heard a sharp impatient bark from the living room and heard a scramble of paws across the wooden floor as the tan poodle puppy came crashing into them, wagging her tail the whole time.

 

“Victor, what is this?” Yuuri asked as he bent down to pick her up, scratching behind her ears and she shut her eyes contentedly.

 

“Well,” Victor started. “It’s too early to think about adoption, but I still wanted to get us something that would help us adjust into the next chapter of our life. I rescued her from an adoption shelter when I was walking through town one day looking for my wedding gift to you. She sat there in the window looking so sad as person after person passed her by, but as I stopped at the window, she jumped up immediately and started yapping, wagging her tail. I saw her and fell in love. I hoped you’d love her too,” he smiled at Yuuri warmly.

 

“Victor she’s perfect,” Yuuri whispered, hugging the puppy tightly, his voice full of happy tears, that she reached up and licked from his eyes. “Yeah, I get it, dad don’t cry.” he laughed a little. “What’s her name?” He looked up at Victor questioningly.

 

Victor smiled and wrapped his arms around Yuuri’s back, nuzzling his head into the crook between his head and shoulder so he could see the puppy as Yuuri held her up. “That’s for you to decide, _Zolotse_.”

 

Yuuri’s face screwed up deep in thought for a moment before he spouted out the word quickly, “Hachimitsu,” he said, looking straight into her eyes. “It’s Japanese for Honey. Hachi, for short.” He looked up at Victor and Victor nodded.

 

“Hachi it is then,” he smiled and kissed Yuuri’s cheek. “Come on now, she should go back to sleep. I fed her before we left so she should be fine.”

 

“I’ll let her sleep with us tonight because she’ll probably be lonely,” Yuuri said carrying the dog back into their room, “And besides. We have all the time in the world to get.. _Up to things_ ,” he winked and Victor pouted a little, but blushed and followed him. He couldn’t help but smile as he walked into the room to find Yuuri cuddled up with the puppy as if she was a baby, and thought to himself that he wished that he could send a letter to his past self and tell him that it would be alright, because here he was, three years later climbing into bed with his husband and their dog, just waiting for tomorrow to come so their next journey together could begin.

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Vocabulary:
> 
> Dobroye Utro ~ (Russian) "Good Morning"
> 
> Prelestnyy ~ (Russian) "Charming, Exquisite"


	13. Chapter Eleven : A New Chapter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Victor and Yuuri decide to start a family

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi Guys! Like I said, I will only be updating maybe twice or three times a week depending on my workload, but here is the new chapter an i hope you guys enjoy it as much as I do! PLEASE COMMENT IF YOU LIKE!
> 
> ~Song for this chapter is "I Got You" by Ciara (I wanted to bawl but this song is so perfect)

# Forever & Always

### Chapter Eleven: A New Chapter

###    


Two years after they had married, Victor sat in a room beside Yuuri, his head in his hands as they waited for the woman to come back with the verdict. Yuuri had his hand on Victor’s shoulder, trying to calm him down but every single one of his flaws were screaming at him.

 

“ _Anata_ , you need to calm down. Everything is going to be fine. I know it will, so worrying will only make you more nervous. Before you know it we’ll be introduced to the kids and we’ll get to see which one will be ours.” Yuuri said as he gently rubbed his back.

 

Victor only sighed and tried to choke back the tears that threatened to overcome him. “But, Yuuri, what if they deny us because they think I’m too reckless of a caretaker? If they knew about the things I did five years ago, they’d never put me down as parent material.” He felt himself begin to shake. As the years had passed him and Yuuri had grown more accustomed to living with each other again, and as much as they loved Hachi for all the happy moments they had with her, they both knew that what they really wanted was a child to call their own. That’s what had them in the office of the orphanage with Victor holding his head in his hands freaking out over every little thing that could be considered as even a tiny bad mark in his life. If he cost Yuuri the chance to raise a child, he would never forgive himself. He knew he was unfit, that was a no brainer to him, but Yuuri, oh Yuuri was the definition of perfect. If anyone deserved to raise a child it would be him. Yuuri would be the best father in the world.

 

“That’s not going to happen,” Yuuri assured him and then looked around to see if anyone else was coming towards the room, in a nervous tick of his own. Victor smiled a little bit at that. The thought that Yuuri was just as nervous as him helped ease his own nerves. He made a small noise of surprise. “She’s coming back, so you better compose yourself a little. We got this, okay?” Yuuri reached his hand out for Victor to take and smiled encouragingly.

 

Victor took it and took a deep breath, trying to calm his nerves. “Okay,” he whispered and sat up in his chair, wiping at his face and trying as best he could to wipe all traces of his internal rampant emotional wreck state.

 

The woman walked back into the office, shutting the door quietly, her short black hair bouncing a little with each step she took in her short black heels, which made small clacking noises as she walked. “Alright, Mr. & Mr. Katsuki-Nikiforov, we have taken a look at both of your records, and interviewed you both and other references extensively in order to compile the most accurate report we could on both of you, and it is my honor to inform you that upon receiving and reviewing both of your background checks, we here have deemed you both fine and eligible as parents to one of our many adoptees.” She smiled a little, the red lipstick on her mouth was smeared a little telling Victor that she had a habit of licking her lips when impatient, but that wasn’t what he was currently focused on. All he could think about was processing the words that had just come out of her mouth.

 

“Can you please repeat that?” he said wordlessly. Surely he had heard wrong. Surely, somewhere they had made a mistake. I mean, hello it wasn’t exactly a secret that both he and Yuuri were heavy drinkers and that he could always be counted on to mess things up in the most terrible way possible. Yes. That was it. There had to be a mistake.  
The woman licked her lips, chuckling a little as she narrowed her eyes in impatient attitude, further proving Victor’s assumptions, “Mr. Katsuki-Nikiforov, what I’m saying is that we have deemed you as fit to parent one of our children. You’ve been approved.” She explained again and before Victor could so much as have another thought Yuuri shot up out of his chair and bowed deeply to her.

 

“Thank you very much for this privilege,” he said, and Victor stood up and held out his hand, echoing Yuuri’s politeness.

 

“Yes, Thank you. We intend to do our very best.” The woman shook Victor’s and and smiled, gesturing toward the door.

 

As they piled out she began to speak again, “Now, as I’ve stated before it will be weeks before you can take the child home as we have to have the adoption papers signed and approved, not to mention we have to make sure that the child you choose is compatible with you two as well. I don’t mean anything prejudiced when I say this but the method of parenting you two will be doing is unique, and we want to make sure that both parties have as good of an experience with this process as possible.”

 

Victor nodded as they went down a series of hallways. “We understand completely. How many children do you have housed here currently?” He asked as they neared a series of rooms in which the small, high pitched sounds of children of all ages could be heard echoing out into the space of the hallway where they were standing.

 

“Currently we have about 57 children of all ages housed here waiting for either adoption or foster care,” she said, picking up a clipboard posted outside one of the rooms. “Would you like to meet some?”

 

Yuuri nodded, “Yes please, what age group would you recommend we start with?” He asked, leaning leisurely on his cane.

 

She smiled, and made a move to open the door in front of her. “I would say we’ll start you off with tots. They’re young enough to accept you as their parents, but you won’t have to teach them all the basic stuff like how to walk or adjusting them to a sleep schedule.” Suddenly she blanched and apologized quickly. “It’s not that we don’t think you aren’t capable of doing that on your own it’s just easier for first time adoptive parents.”

 

Victor just slowly bobbed his head in agreement and muttered a low, “Ah,” as he walked towards them, Yuuri hobbling after the woman as they entered the room.

 

Then he heard a scream.

 

High pitched, like someone had stabbed the poor thing, the baby cried and Victor moved to look through the glass of the nursery window where he saw the tiny creature fighting his blue blanket like instead of cocooning him warmly, the thing was slowly suffocating him. He was a sight to behold.

 

Victor reached a finger up to gently tap the glass, murmuring to himself, “Shhhh. It’s alright little one…” He smiled fondly at the baby.

 

The woman shook her head, “He’s crying again isn’t he?” She walked over to look at the glass with Victor. “We’ve had trouble adopting him… He always screams at everyone who holds him.. I can’t blame him. Poor thing Orphaned at birth. He’s only two months old and already alone in the world.”

 

Victor nodded in understanding. “What happened to his parents?” He asked and sighed in happiness as Yuuri leaned into him from behind, nuzzling into his neck so he could see the baby. Victor looked at the poor soul with sympathy. He too knew what it felt like to be abandoned by his family.

 

The woman frowned, but continued explaining. “His parents were Immigrants from Russia. Both of their families broke apart and fell into poverty. When they found out they were pregnant with this little one, they decided to try and chance it on foot and make it here to Japan. The father died before making it to the mainland, but she made it all the way here. Sadly, she died when giving birth because she was so malnourished. It was a miracle he made it.”

 

Victor looked at the woman, “Can I see him?”

 

The woman glanced at him like he was crazy but obliged. “Yes you may. Hold on just one second,” she pulled out a set of keys and opened the door to the nursery. “This way,” she pointed and led them to the crib where the baby boy was crying.

 

Victor walked over to the baby, and gently caressed his arm with his finger as he cried. The baby calmed down a bit and opened his eyes to display light blue, grayish orbs shining with all the strength and fierceness of the Ural Mountains themselves. He was amazed, “Hey, it’s alright… You’re not alone…” He murmured as he continued softly stroking his skin.

 

“You can hold him if you want,” the woman piped up, breaking the tentative silence.

 

Victor only nodded back and gently took the small, fragile child in his arms, humming softly and rocking him. Almost instantly the baby stopped crying and started babbling a little, sadder than normal, but definitely contentedly.

 

Yuuri reached his hand up to touch him and the baby grabbed his finger in his small fist, “Hey…” Yuuri chided affectionately, but let him have it

 

“What’s his name?” Victor asked.

 

The woman smiled a little. “His name is Ilya,” she smiled warmly.

 

“Ilya,” Victor murmured back softly and he babbled in what seemed like agreement. As his eyes met Victor’s for the second time he knew that in an instant he would throw himself in front of a bullet for this baby. He would run into a burning building, lift a car, tear a building apart brick by brick just to make that baby safe and happy. He felt as if the world had come to an end, that his whole life had been a dream until that moment, looking into that baby’s eyes. As if he himself had been born just to stand in that moment so he could meet this incredible person just waiting to become someone. Just looking for a family. He didn’t have to think about it anymore, no other children existed in Victor’s world. Without missing a beat both he and Yuuri said, “We’d love to raise him.”

 

The woman grinned happily, “Okay,” she frowned momentarily. “But you will have to leave him here to sign some papers.”

 

Victor echoed her frown but placed a soft kiss on Ilya’s head before gently setting him back in his crib, Yuuri kissing his little hand before gently removing his finger from the baby’s hand. As they left the room Victor felt like he could rip his heart out with his bare hands and it would be less painful than having to leave the baby behind screaming and crying because he had been abandoned again. But he forced himself to continue on and miraculously he made it back to the office without running back to grab the baby in his arms again. In his mind all the medals he had couldn’t possibly compare to the medal he should’ve gotten for pulling that off.

 

“Okay, the adoption papers for Ilya Petrovich Vasiliev…” The woman whispered to herself as she rummaged through a file folder. “Here,” she produced a piece of paper and set it on her desk. “Please sign your names here,” she indicated where they should sign.

 

Victor thought to himself how silly it was that something so insignificant as a piece of paper could possibly hold the meaning as massive as to sign over a human’s life, but without a second thought he put the pen to the paper and signed his signature.

 

——————————

 

The weeks leading up to when they could bring Ilya home were filled with many panic stricken nights and days filled with fear that everything would be less than perfect for their son. And that was absolutely unacceptable. Everything had to be _immaculate_ for their son. He was so perfect, he deserved nothing less and Victor was sure of that. They’d debated over a crib for over an hour in Ikea and at home whenever they were stressed they had screamed at each other in their prospective languages even though neither of them understood what they were saying except for a few choice words. Sometimes Victor wondered why they had deemed him sane enough for a child. Even Hachi questioned his sanity as she scrambled over to coddle Yuuri and barked back at Victor, which had them both laughing. She was Yuuri’s that was for sure. You’d think she adopted Yuuri instead of Victor adopting her.

 

Then the day came when they had their last appointment with the orphanage. They piled into the car and drove there, Victor trying to keep it together as they pulled in the parking lot.

 

“Vitya, it will all be perfectly fine,” Yuuri assured him as he put the car in park and they piled out of it and into the building in front of them.

 

Victor reached over and snuck a quick kiss from Yuuri as they reached the door, grabbing his husband’s hand and squeezing it gently. “I love you,” he whispered.

 

Yuuri blushed but squeezed back. “I love you too.”

 

When they entered the doors the woman, Hisakawa, her nametag read, greeted them with a quick bow and a smile. “Katsuki-Nikiforovs,” she exclaimed, “Right this way. I must say I’m not sure if you picked that baby or if he picked you because ever since you left he has been crying nonstop. The only time he was quiet was when he was sleeping. I must say that boy already loves you both so intensely. You two are very lucky men.” She led them down the series of hallways back to the nursery, where, like she had said, Ilya was crying something fierce.

 

“I know we are,” Yuuri said, smiling up at Victor.

 

Victor smiled back and asked, “Is everything prepared then? We can take him home?”

 

Hisakawa nodded, “Yes. Congratulations to you both.” She bowed. “I’ll leave you to it then. I hope we will receive regular updates on how this little one is doing. Once again congratulations.” She bowed and walked away.

 

Victor walked into the nursery and picked Ilya up again, the baby instantly calming as his icy eyes met Victor’s sea blue orbs. It was as if instantly he recognized his face even though he couldn’t possibly do so at that age. “Yeah,” he hummed rocking the baby, presenting him to Yuuri, who set his cane aside so he could hold him. “That’s right. Papa’s here.”

 

Yuuri smiled, rocking the baby, “So is Daddy…” Victor looked up to see small tears coming from Yuuri’s eyes and he moved to wipe them, Ilya making noises of disapproval. Yuuri laughed at that a little through his tears. “Just like Hachi isn’t he? Nobody likes seeing me cry.. Is it that ugly?” He chuckled,

 

Victor kissed his cheek and softy mumbled, “No, you are beautiful _Zolotse_ , and so is our baby.” He gently caressed his little hand and the baby fidgeted a little, laughing at the touch. “What do you say we take him home?” He asked.

 

Yuuri nodded and handed him to Victor again reluctantly, gesturing to his cane. “Cane,” he said in a quick voice. “I can’t walk and hold him at the same time.” He walked away brusquely, trying to hide his look of sadness from Victor, but he still saw it. Ilya made small noises of annoyance again.

 

“Yeah, I know,” Victor agreed. “Daddy doesn’t know just how strong he really is yet, does he? Well we’ll just have to show him won’t we?” Ilya babbled again and Victor smiled. “Even though you can’t talk yet, I’ll take that as a ‘yes.’” He followed Yuuri and they secured Ilya into his carseat. The drive home put Ilya asleep, so Victor had carried him into their apartment as gently as he could, scared any movement would wake him from his slumber, but, miraculously, he stayed asleep even through the elevator ride up to their apartment.

 

All was well until they opened the doors and heard a loud RUFF and heard the scramble of paws on wood as Hachi came running towards them. Shit. He’d forgotten about the dog. Clearly she hadn’t forgotten about them as she wagged her tail impatiently while Yuuri bent down to scratch behind her ears. She closed her eyes in contentment as Yuuri looked her in the eyes. “Hachimitsu, we have someone to introduce to you. He’s gonna be living with us from now on. He might be loud for the first few years, but I promise you’ll love him as much as we do, or at least I hope you will.”

 

Victor walked into the living room and both of them sat on the couch, Victor turning Ilya so he could face Hachi, who stared at him like he was the strangest thing on planet earth. Tiny human, he could almost hear her think. “Hachi, this is Ilya. He’ll be your new brother. We’re his family now, so will you be nice to him and make him feel as loved as we made you feel when we adopted you?” he asked the dog, and she wagged her tail in what seemed like an agreement.

 

Yuuri reached his hands out and Victor handed Ilya off to him. “Ilya, this is Hachi,” he started. “She’s our dog. I know she’s messy and loud sometimes, but I promise she’s sweet.” Yuuri bounced him gently on his knee and all of the sudden Hachi reached her head forward and kissed the baby’s face.

 

Victor froze.

 

Thankfully instead of crying, Ilya only started laughing and reaching for Hachi’s nose with his little fingers. Hachi barked a little and wagged her tail. Yuuri laughed and picked one of her toys off the couch and threw it for her to catch. She ran after it immediately, scrambling over herself trying to find the brakes. This made Ilya laugh even more.

 

Victor breathed a sigh of relief.

 

Finally.

 

For once in his life he’d done something right.

 

For once everything was alright.

 

Everything was perfect.

 

As he sat there in his living room watching his husband play with their door with their son on his lap, the noises of happiness and laughter spilling from their baby’s lips in fits of giggles, he knew in his heart that Hisakawa was right. They didn’t choose Ilya. There was a saying that children pick their parents in heaven before they are born. If there was one thing he was sure of, Victor knew that Ilya, knowing he would have to go through all that pain, had by some miracle chosen him. And finally he understood why Yuuri had started crying earlier. How someone as perfect as Ilya had chosen them was a mystery to Victor, but he knew he’d never have changed a thing in his life because everything, every single ounce of pain he had went through in the past, all of it was because he could meet this little boy and become his papa. And as they began this new chapter of their life, for the first time in a long time Victor wept with joy, because he realized, it had all been worth it.


	14. Chapter Twelve: A Four Letter Word

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ilya's first birthday party!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~ Song for this chapter is "Always" by Panic! At The Disco
> 
>  
> 
> Hey Guys! I hope you like this little bit of fluff that I have gifted you with before I get into the more serious stuff in the next couple chapters!

# Forever & Always

### Chapter Twelve: A Four Letter Word

Victor sat in their living room, Ilya’s favorite toy, a stuffed tabby kitten that Yurio had given him when he’d came and visited for the first time, in his hand, waving it desperately, eliciting a stream of giggles. His eyebrows scrunched in concentration, “Come on, Ilyusha! You can do it,” he pleaded, “Say it with me.. _Pa Pa_!” He waited for a response.

 

The baby only started babbling a little, saying, “Da… Da!”

 

Victor screwed up his nose, “He’s been teaching you things behind my back hasn’t he?” he glanced behind him, towards the Kitchen where Yuuri was preparing things for Ilya’s first birthday and hoped to God above that he hadn’t heard that remark. “You really are a Daddy’s boy…” He shook his head and picked up his son and covered his face in gentle kisses, the baby kicking and squealing in delight. “Ah, there’s no worries! Not today! For today is the little price’s birthday isn’t it?” He softly threw him up and caught him, grinning as the baby cooed in his excitement!

 

Yuuri came hobbling into their living room as fast as he could, flour all over his apron and his black hair unkept and messy, where he’d been growing it out a little after forgetting to get it cut. “What on earth is going on in here? All I hear is you laughing while our child screams. You, Victor Katsuki-Nikiforov, really know how to give a man a heart attack..” he huffed, lowering himself onto their red couch slowly, eyeing Victor playfully and holding out his arms for their son.

 

Victor only smirked and handed Ilya off, putting his hand on his hip and drawling out in a thick accent, “Well I do try, my dear husband. I have to do something to keep things interesting.” He sat on the couch beside him, screwing his face in annoyance as he had to remove a dog toy from underneath him before fully settling down, wrapping an arm around Yuuri.

 

Yuuri rolled his eyes at that and took the toy from him, “You are plenty interesting on your own, dear,” he said, pushing his glasses up with his arm and throwing the toy for Hachi who was by now bouncing up and down on her feet wagging her tail in anticipation. She almost tripped over herself in her frenzy, trying to find the toy, barking in annoyance at her own legs which for some reason refused to brake every time she ran that way. “She’ll never learn will she?” Yuuri laughed.

 

Victor shook his head, echoing the laugh, “I’m afraid not.. But hey, she sure is entertaining to watch isn’t she?” he smiled. Yuuri nodded and bent down to kiss Ilya’s head as he babbled again. “So when is everyone going to get here do you think?” He asked as he looked around their apartment. It wouldn’t be an every year thing, but Everyone was coming to their apartment to see Ilya’s first birthday party and Victor was trying to roughly estimate how much mess he’d have to clean up. And by Everyone, he knew that Yuuri’s Parents, Yuuko and her family, Phichit, Chris and his boyfriend (and probably Fiona as well), and the entire Russian National Skating team as well as their coach, Lilya, and Otabek were all going to be communing in their small apartment for three to four hours to do nothing but watch Yuuri and Victor help their child unwrap birthday presents, and take videos of Ilya most probably smashing the beautiful Vanilla cake with blue icing all over his precious little face. Victor was seriously rethinking their decision not to rent out a small section of the nearby park in the notion that they would save money. What good would money be if he didn’t have his sanity and his apartment was a total pigsty after this?

 

Yuuri flicked his eyes up to the ceiling while he thought. “Well, Mila said that their flight arrived Yesterday and everyone was settled in well, but they might be a little late because they want to go sightseeing. Chris and Luca said both they and Fiona would be here at 3:00 sharp, as always. Mom and Dad and Mari, along with Yuuko and the rest are coming here to set up, so they’ll be here any minute and as for Phichit, he’s a ticking time bomb so he could be here at any second as well. I anticipate he’ll be somewhere in the middle of Yuuko and Chris for arrival time. You know how he is. He said he’s bringing his camera and that this is all going on Facebook afterward, so please, Vitya, don’t do anything stupid..” He grinned.

 

Victor feigned hurt, “Me? Do something stupid?! NEVER!” He threw his hand over his chest and fainted dramatically, which sent Hachi into protective mode as she scrambled as fast as she could to where he was, covering his face in kisses.

 

Both he and Yuuri laughed at her as she dutifully kissed his whole face, eyes lit with fire. Yuuri reached over to scratch her ears, “Alright girl, that’s enough, he’s fine he’s just a drama queen, that’s all.”

 

Victor locked eyes with Yuuri. “That,” he started, saying in a haughty voice, “Is where you are wrong, my dearest. I am not simply the queen of drama. No, that will not do. I am the Drama _King_ , you see?!” He stood up, placing one foot on the couch and using Hachi’s bone, which had been sitting beside him, as a sword, as if he was surveying his troops.

 

Yuuri rolled his eyes as Ilya laughed even more at this, and whispered under his breath, “You’re more than just that…” His face turning a little red.

 

Victor narrowed his eyes playfully, but before he could say anything else he heard a small ringing noise coming from their door. He looked up at the clock disappointedly, “It’s only 1:30, what are they doing here already?” he pouted as Yuuri handed him Ilya and went to go check the door.

 

Ilya started babbling excitedly as Yuuko peeped her head around the wall into the living room. Victor rolled his eyes, but obediently handed his son off to Yuuko, who took him happily, tickling his tummy a little. “That’s right, Ilya…” she cooed. “You love your _Oba-San_? Don’t you?” She smirked and winked at Victor.

 

Flip came barreling through the hallway, dragging Yuuri around excitedly, stopping at the trophies on the shelf at the end of the living room, asking excitedly, “ _Oji-San_!! When are you and _Dyadushka_ going to start coaching me like you do Lutz? I’m almost six! I know I could be just as good as her one day if I start now!” Her black ponytail bobbed a little as she bounced up and down passionately.

 

Yuuri bent down and patted her head gently, “You don’t need to pressure yourself Flip, you can do whatever you want whenever you decide. You don’t need to be just like your sister,” he smiled gently and Victor thought to himself, _Man I’ve been replaced by Yuuko and her family, haven’t I?_ Suddenly he felt two arms wrap around him from behind.

 

He heard a high pitched chuckle, Lutz demanded, “Piggy back ride!” she pointed forward with her right hand.

 

Victor laughed, “ _Siryn_ ,” he complained weakly, “You’re like almost 12 now, aren’t you too old for this stuff?” he asked, but still reached his arms behind so he could hold onto her.

 

He felt her hair graze his head as she shook her head, “Nonsense,” She said passionately. “Now, Onward my trusty steed.” She gently kicked him in the side. He only rolled his eyes and obliged, running in small circles around their apartment, trying not to run into everyone as they began decorating. Everyone they passed gave them strange looks, even Yuuri, but they only laughed and continued on their journey. They didn’t care. Victor guessed they both knew.

 

Sometimes people just needed to be silly.

 

————————————

 

After they had finished setting everything up, they heard a small buzzing noise at the door, followed by two short knocks and a shout in a language Victor didn’t recognize.

 

He checked the clock.

 

2:40.

 

Yuuri’s face lit up instantly and he replied back in the language, “ _Chan kalang ma!_ ” He hobbled as fast as he could for the door. A few moments later, in came Phichit with his camera and a bag stuffed with blue tissue paper. He smiled in his usual mischievous way and made his way over to where Ilya was sat on the floor sat with the girls, who were all cooing over the baby boy as he picked toys from their hands, babbling.

 

He reached down and scooped him up, much to the girls’ dismay, gently tickling the baby. “Did you miss your _naa_?” He asked, smiling in satisfaction as the baby babbled something similar to the word, although not quite. He looked at Victor knowingly, “He should start talking real words soon? Have you both decided what you want his first word to be?”

 

Both he and Yuuri said prospectively either “Dada” or “Papa” and then screwed their faces up to glare at each other and said it again, but this time with a “No” in front of each word. Then crossed their arms and looked away from each other.

 

Phichit grinned, “So I see you haven’t,” he chided, gently bouncing the baby almost absentmindedly. “You know it’s not really smart to have a fight over something as silly as a word. Why didn’t you just pick something neutral like ‘ice’ or ‘skate’ that way it had something to do with both of you instead of either one of your names?” he rolled his eyes and babbled back at the baby in Thai as he babbled at him again.

 

Victor frowned, “Well neither of us got to name him, and Yuuri was the one who decided we’d hyphenate our names even though I wanted to take his last name, so I thought he wouldn’t mind giving me Ilya’s first word, but come to find out this morning that he’s been teaching him behind my back….” he threw his hands up in complaint, “So selfish Yuuri…” he teased.

 

Yuuri only rolled his eyes, “I only insisted we hyphenate because you were so adamant on taking my name, and I wanted to take yours too, so I figured the only way to satisfy both of us would be to hyphenate… And _I’m_ the selfish one…” He chuckled a little.

 

Phichit laughed at the two of them. “You two really are something, aren’t you?” he shook his head. “I’m glad you have each other, because if you didn’t I’d be scared about who would look after you two. At least now you have this little guy,” he looked at Ilya warmly, “You’ll look after them won’t you?” Ilya babbled again and he laughed. “I’ll take that as a yes!”

 

In the midst of their laughter another knock came, and in came Chris and his boyfriend Luca.

 

As Yuuri led Luca off somewhere, carrying Fiona’s cat carrier and talking about something very hushed and excitedly, Victor welcomed Chris with open arms, saying, “Chris, how good it is to see you again.” He hugged his old friend tightly.

 

Chris hugged him back, slightly tighter. “Victor!” he exclaimed. “It’s good to see you doing so well. I’m glad you invited me and Luca to come to the party. I was honestly shocked when I received your invitation in the mail a month beforehand. I’ve only just retired and started coaching myself, so I had to cancel practice for a week to come here, not much to the dismay of my students.”

 

Victor laughed at that a little, “Nonsense, I’m sure they all miss you fiercely,” he clapped Chris on the back gently. “You know you’re unforgettable Christophe Giacometti.”

 

Chris only nodded and hummed in agreement, both of them leaning against the door and sipping punch out of a red solo cup, and the sight reminded Victor of a time past when they were doing just the same, only then it was beer. All the years that had passed flooded back to Victor in one swift motion, suddenly he was 27 again, and lovesick, at some stupid party with Yurio and Yakov, everything was so boring until a certain young Japanese man, on his 16th champagne, came walking drunk off his ass into his life, dancing all his fears and regrets away with one simple twirl. Then he was a year older, and sitting in Yutopia Katsuki, enjoying onsen when that same man came barreling into the hot spring, rubbing his eyes trying to figure out if he was real or not, all the while Victor was thinking that he was perhaps the most beautiful man he’d ever seen, and that he was lost in those ember eyes that looked at him so curiously, probably wondering what on earth had made him interested in a loser like him. Eight more months flew by and suddenly he was in front of Sagrada Familia with the man, Yuuri he now knew him as, and they were exchanging rings for the first time, Yuuri’s hand shaky as he tried vehemently to deny the significance of the gift in case he was denied, and Victor smiling warmly as he slipped the ring he had bought months in advance on Yuuri’s hand as Yuuri blushed, and he thought he wanted to be with this man forever. But not even weeks later they would be ripped apart by fate, and fast forward through the years filled with torment, agony, and regret, Chris was standing there in his apartment, demanding he, now 31, go and try to get his lover back, even though he thought it was impossible. Yet somehow over the next two weeks he’d been swept away, brought back to Yuuri, even through shock, anger filled nights, and the worst accident of Yuuri’s life so far, he’d stayed through it all this time, and it was all because of one very insistent Swiss, standing beside him now.

 

It was because of that swiss that he could now call that man husband, now holding Fiona out of Hachi’s reach and laughing with Luca over there in the corner about something that couldn’t be more of a mystery to Victor.

 

“Look at him…” they both mused at the same time and laughed about it, taking more sips of their punch.

“Chris, really, _thank you_ …” he said, looking at his friend with sincerity.

 

Chris smiled back at him warmly, “It was nothing,” he replied, looking over at Luca, “I know love when I see it, and I couldn’t bear to see you lose something so precious as that.” He nodded towards Yuuri. “He really is a special one, and he loves you with a force more powerful than anything I’ve ever seen. I knew somehow you’d find your way back to each other, if only someone gave you a push.” he chuckled. “Speaking of love,” he continued. “I’m going to propose to Luca soon, and you’re all invited to the wedding. Ilya can even be ring bearer if you’d like. Hell, he can be flower boy if he wants,” he smiled over at where Phichit still held the baby.

 

Victor smiled gratefully. “Of course we’ll come, and I’ll run it by Yuuri. Although you might want Fiona to be flower girl. I think she’d look quite lovely with a little basket full of flowers around her neck.”

 

Chris laughed at that, and Victor heard another knock come from the door. He moved to open it, and was instantly met with many accented “ _Vitya!_ ’s from the entire Russian National Figure Skating team.

 

Yurio butted in first, the twenty-one-year-old, giving Victor a tight hug, saying in a short tone, “Where is he? Where is my _plemyannik_?” He berated, Otabek holding up a small box, wrapped in blue wrapping paper.

 

Victor laughed as he pointed, “Phichit has him… Be careful though, I think the position of Uncle has been monopolized by the Thai…” he smirked.

 

“Hell if that’s gonna happen!” he ran in and started demanding Phichit hand over the baby.

 

“Hello Victor,” a new voice said, and he felt two strong but small arms wrap themselves around him.

 

“Mila!” he exclaimed and she giggled a little. “How have you been?” he asked and she smiled warmly, stepping aside for everyone else to go inside, Yakov and Lilya waving as they both walked in, Yakov wearing the ‘World’s best _Dedulya_ ’ shirt Victor had gifted him for christmas in announcement that he and Yuuri had adopted. Now it was the 24th of January and said grandchild was a year old.

 

Mila grinned and laughed at where Yurio was still yelling at Phichit, and Ilya was laughing at both of them. “I’ve been doing good. This might be my last year so I’ve been practicing hard, but of course we always have time for you Vitya.”

 

Victor smiled at that. “That’s good to hear,” he replied, watching as Yuuri went to go get the lighter and cake. He’d been forgetting about his cane more and more lately. It was something that gave Victor hope. Mila eyed the cake as Yuuri came back through, and followed him into the room.  
She cleared her throat and said in a clear, loud voice, “Russians, you and I both know there is a song we must now sing for this little _myshka_! Now all together, we shall make Crocodile Gena proud!”

 

She conducted all of them and Victor had to keep himself from laughing as he took Ilya from Phichit’s arms, and stood by Yuuri and sang with all the other Russians:

 

 _“Pust biqut neukloji                     Let Pedestrians hurry_  
_Peşexod pu palujım                     With their eyes full of worry_  
_A vada pa asfaltu,rekoy               In the pools picking out their way!_  
_I niyasni proxojim                       They’re surprised at my folly-_  
_V etıt den nepaqojim                   Why am I so Jolly_  
_Pachemu ya visol i takoy              On such a dull rainy day?_

 _A yaiqrayu na qarmoshki             I am playing my garmoshka_  
_Uprixojix na vidu                         For all passers-by to hear_  
_Sajalenya, den rajdenya               It’s a pity we’ve a birthday_  
_Tolka raz qaaduu                        Only once a year!_

 _Prilitut bdruq balshebnik            Then a wizard comes flying_  
_Qalubom vertalyoti                     In a blue Helicopter!_  
_I bisplatni pakajet kino               He will show me a film in a way,_  
_Sdnem rajdenya pazdravit          Several hundred sweet ices_  
_I naverna, astavit                        He will give me and wish me_  
_Mne padarik pitsyat eskimo       Many happy returns of the day!_

 _A yaigrayu na qarmoshki           I am playing my garmoshka_  
_Uprixojix na vidu                       For all passers-by to hear_  
_Sajalenya den rajdenya              It’s a pity we’ve a birthday_  
_Tolka raz qaaduu                      Only once a year!”_

 

At the end of the song he and Yuuri blew out the candle on the cake as Ilya laughed and clapped his hands excitedly.

 

“ _S Dyem Rajdenya,_ Ilyusha,” Victor smiled.

 

Yuuri grinned happily. “Happy Birthday, our beautiful son,” he said.

 

Suddenly the baby started babbling away happily as he ate, making two different distinct sounds, repeating them over and over, but they were too muffled by cake to be heard clearly.

 

“He’s talking!” Hiroko exclaimed, but Yuuri hushed his mother excitedly.

 

The baby continued babbling.

 

Until.

 

One after the other, he said them both.

 

“Dada. Papa.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Vocabulary: 
> 
> Oba-San ~ (Japanese) Aunt
> 
> Chan Kalang Ma ~ (Thai) I'm Coming!
> 
> Naa ~ (Thai) Uncle
> 
> Plemyannik ~ (Russian) Nephew
> 
> Dedulya ~ (Russian) Grandpa
> 
> Myshka ~ (Russian) Mouse
> 
> S Dyem Rajdenya ~ (Russian) Happy Birthday


	15. Chapter Thirteen: A First & Last Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Victor and Yuuri sort out some issues about sending Ilya off to preschool

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! So we're back into angst, as the second arc of the story carries on. It might not be as long as the first arc, but after the second arc is done I will end this fic. I will probably start working on another Victuri fic Idea I have, or my original novel so Idk. If you guys want to read my original work, please comment and tell me because i don't want to post it if no one will read it. 
> 
> ~Song for this Chapter is "Run" by Snow Patrol

# Forever & Always

### Chapter Thirteen: A First & Last Time

The sun setting in the park left everything stained golden as Victor walked around, making lazy circles with Hachi on her leash, trying her best to escape at several intervals to bark at the ravens that circled slowly above them before landing on either the soft grass or the sakura trees. He smiled as he struggled with her for probably the fifth time, gently chiding her, “Hachimitsu, no,” as he knelt down in front of her, looking into her eyes. She stared back into them as if to say that she could see inside his thoughts, that she could hear what he was worried about, that she was only trying to distract him from them. He shook his head and stood back up, trying to clear his head. Of course the dog couldn’t think like that, he was only projecting his own thoughts and wishes onto her, like he had a bad habit of doing lately.

 

“Victor are you okay?” he heard Yuuko say from behind him. he immediately turned around and forced a smile.

 

“I’m okay, or at least I will be. Have you seen Yuuri and Ilyusha?” he asked, surveying the park in front of him. The Nishigori’s and the Katsuki-Nikiforov’s were on a little play-date with their two little ones, although there was a significant age gap between the two of them, Flip was now nine and a new up and coming figure skater after the image of her very own sister, Lutz, the now 14-year-old favorite in Japan, while Ilya was only just four and barely forming complicated sentences, trying to keep up with his much older playmate with difficulty, stumbling over his much shorter and chubbier legs. Victor laughed as he watched his son’s shaggy auburn hair bounce as he tottered after Flip while she played with him.

 

Yuuko shook her head, chuckling and waving back at her daughter, “Well we found Ilya-chan, but as for Yuuri, I think Takeshi wanted to talk to him about something so they’re probably walking around the park talking about whatever it was that was so important he had to speak directly to Yuuri and not me first.” She rolled her eyes to herself, “You men are such tricky creatures…”

 

Victor laughed, “I would normally be offended, but as I am one, and I am married to one, I can’t deny that. But you girls are just as tricky, you know?” He smiled as Ilya squealed in delight when Flip picked him up and he began reaching for her long black locks.

 

“So it must just be a universal thing then,” Yuuko smiled back, “Humans in general are confusing creatures…” She trailed off as she began to watch the scene that was laying out in front of them.

 

Flip held the small child gently, chiding affectionately, “No, Ilyusha, you can’t have my hair!” She giggled as she shook her head, trying to get some of it out of her face. In the process her hair tickled Ilya’s nose and he screwed his little face up tightly before in one swift motion, he sprayed the poor girl with both the cutest and loudest sneeze he’d ever heard.

 

Ilya complained and started to cry a little, “ _Snezhinka_ ,” he cried, “That tickles!”

 

Victor moved to go and help his son, but Yuuko held him back, whispering, “Shh!”

 

Flip cradled him closely, trying not to laugh, “It’s alright, _metelya_ ,” she used the Russian nickname she’d given him only about a year ago. “You’re okay, and so am I! See?!” She began to toss him up into the air a little, covering his face in little kisses.

 

Yuuko sighed dreamily, “They’re so cute…”

 

Victor turned to look at her like she was crazy, but she was too focused on watching the two children play in the field in front of them, throwing handfuls of sakura at each other like it was snow. Victor thought to himself how fitting their nicknames for each other were. While Flip was as delicate and beautiful as a snowflake, Ilya was a raging snowstorm, a mess to try and keep up with. He turned his attention back to the matter at hand. “You’re not suggesting our children will end up together are you? Trying to set them up? Are you crazy?” he said, “Ilya is only three!”

 

Yuuko laughed, “Relax Victor,” she put a hand on his shoulder in an attempt to get him to calm down. “They’re only children, and I wouldn’t try to set them up at this age anyway. They make their own choices, just like I did,” Victor could tell she was thinking about her own triplets. “Besides, I was only thinking how special they are, just then… The snowflake and her snowstorm. How perfectly fitting.”

 

Victor laughed at that ironic statement, “How ironic…” he said, “I was just thinking the same thing.”

 

Yuuko nodded at that, “Ironic indeed. You know they’re pretty special on their own though… I mean Flip is fluent in both English and Japanese due to her skating and experiences in other countries even at this age, while Ilya is going to be fluent in three languages because he has two papas who are complete nerds and couldn’t pick one to teach him. What are you trying to turn him into? A prince? When is he going to use Russian in Japan?” She laughed.

 

Victor screwed his face up, “Some support you are,” he huffed dramatically. “I’m only teaching him Russian out of sheer spite. Besides he can use it with me, and annoy Yuuri.”

 

Yuuko sniggered, “Yuuri told you you couldn’t do it, didn’t he?”

 

Victor nodded, “He told me I couldn’t do it… Besides my Japanese isn’t good enough to really teach someone else the language, and Yuuri and I are teaching him English together, so I kinda wanted my own thing to teach him, you know? Something I could pass on to him from my side of the family, even if they don’t want anything to do with me or Yuuri, or even our child. I want him to know that even though my country doesn’t really support the kind of love I share with Yuuri, that Russia isn’t a bad country all together just because of it. He was born a Russian, so he deserves to know that once it was a loving, tender motherland, even if that was before my time. I think I as a fellow Russian owe him that much.”

 

Yuuko nodded her head, her face that of a serious and sad smile, “I’m sorry you feel that way, Victor.” she rubbed his shoulder a little. “I didn’t mean to bring up a sore spot with that, I was only joking. You know all of us here love and support you with all our hearts so don’t ever feel like you’re targeted. And if anyone gives you trouble I know Takeshi would break someone’s face for you guys. You’re family, and besides, even if three languages is a bit much for a normal person, I don’t think it really matters. That boy is a little prince anyway.”

 

Victor smiled, “Yes. He sure is.”

 

The two of them continued watching their children play together tranquilly until Victor felt a small tap on his other shoulder and heard Yuuri’s voice whisper in his ear, “I need to talk to you about something.”

 

Victor turned around and held his arm out graciously for Yuuri to take so it would be easier for him to walk with the cane. “Of course, _Zolotse_ ,” he said, smiling warmly and giving his husband a quick kiss on the cheek. They’d been married for six years now and Yuuri still blushed every time Victor showed him even the smallest bit of affection. Except now the look in Yuuri’s eyes worried Victor, they were filled with anxiety and pain.

 

They walked together, chatting softly until they were out of earshot of anyone and Victor felt Yuuri finally start to relax as they sat together on a bench, Hachi curling up into a tan fluffy ball at their feet, taking a quick nap as a reward for all her hard barking efforts. “There’s something we need to talk about,” Yuuri started.

 

Victor nodded, “As you’ve said,” he encouraged, taking Yuuri’s hand in his own, “Don’t worry, _lyubov moya_ , I’ll listen to every word you have to say, you don’t have to be afraid. If you’re worried speak your mind, and speak quickly because I want to dispel it from you as fast as possible. I will always protect you.”

 

Yuuri smiled, but it was laced with sadness, “Sadly, I don’t think it’s going to be that easy…” he trailed off and looked away.

 

Victor moved to grab his chin, but quickly pulled back, wanting to give Yuuri his space. “What do you mean? What is so big and frightening that I wouldn’t be able to quash it for you? You know that I would face a firing squad unarmed, walk through a burning building, do whatever it takes to keep you safe and happy…”

 

Yuuri started crying.

 

“I-It’s not me I’m worried about!” Yuuri snapped, but then started crying even more at the fact that he might have hurt Victor in some way.

 

Victor slowly took the man in his arms, wiping away his tears gently, “Shhh,” he murmured. “It’s going to be okay, Yura. You can tell me whatever it is. I’m sorry for being so pushy,” He apologized tenderly.

 

Yuuri started to calm down, and nuzzled into Victor a little. “It’s about Ilya,” he said through measured breaths. “That’s what me and Takeshi were talking about earlier.”

 

Victor took a deep breath to calm himself before continuing, concealing his own shock and fear at the subject. “What about Ilya?” he chose his words and tone carefully, as if he was walking on thin ice that could crack and break at any moment. He didn’t want Yuuri to break again. He’d already made the poor man so fragile.

 

Yuuri took another deep breath. “What if he gets hurt because of us?” he breathed, looking up so his eyes met Victor’s. Victor though he saw his soul dying behind those brown embers.

 

“I don’t think I understand what you mean?” Victor asked, taken aback, even though the answer was forming in his mind already, “Why would be hurt him?”

 

Yuuri shook his head, “Not specifically us….” he trailed off. “What if us being together gets him hurt? What if the other little boys and girls in preschool think its okay to mess with him because he has two dads and ‘that’s weird’ so they target him and bully him? I remember what it was like back then, being a kid and having the other kids pick on me. They didn’t pick on me just because I was fat, they picked on me because I was a figure skater. They used the word ‘gay’ as an insult, so I buried those feelings deep inside myself. Takeshi used to pick on me for fun too until he started liking Yuuko and hanging out with her more, then he had a different reason to pick on me..” he sighed, “He thought I was into her too, and that was why he picked on me until I was upfront with him that I wasn’t into girls. Then once he started to get to know me, he and I became close. He beat so many kids up back then if I hadn’t been depressed I’d have been impressed. But soon even he realized that wouldn’t help, and that I’d been suicidal for much longer than anyone could ever have guessed.” Yuuri looked up at Victor, his eyes full of determination. “I don’t want our child to have to go through that. I remember what it was like and I wouldn’t want anyone to go through it. And the thought that he might have to anyways, because of me? Well that destroys me on the inside.”

 

Victor looked back at Yuuri, astounded, and was instantly brought back to his own childhood.

 

_It’s a snowy day and little Victor Nikiforov was skating for the first time. He’s swirling on the ice as if he’s a natural. His little sister Elena is beside him, holding onto his hand as tightly as her four year old hand can, even though she’s only a year younger than him and they’re both shaking like leaves in the wind. Her beautiful brown hair and shining green eyes are vivid against the white as they skate together, humming the tune of Katyusha to themselves. It was a song their mother sang for them often, a song from her time. Everything was happy then. Little Victor hears as he skates by, Inessa Nikiforova leaning into her husband, smiling as bright as the vivid platinum silver-blonde hair she had passed on to her son as she whispers to Mikhail, Victor’s father, “Misha look at our angels. Watch them smile. Our solnyshki. I’m so proud of them.”_

 

 

_Then fast-forward to Victor’s first skating competition, he looks around anxiously as he pulled his silver hair back into a ponytail. He finds Elena by the sidelines with a huge sign with his name on it, shouting, “VITYA! DAVAI!” A grin plastered on her face, full of pride for her big brother._

_He performs his program perfectly._

_He sees his parents arguing over something in the stands._

_His mother is concentrating, a determined smile on her face._

_His father doesn’t look so sure, his smile fading._

_But Elena rushes to meet him at the kiss and cry, wrapping her arms around him tightly and saying in his ear, “You were amazing, Vitya! I’m so proud of you! You landed a double axel! Don’t worry about anything, the judges would be insane not to give you a high score. But even if they don’t, please don’t give up because I love seeing you skate. It makes me happy, and you seem so at peace. I believe in you Vitya!” She says this all in his ear quietly. His parents never know._

 

 

_So he keeps skating, even though he’s unsure of himself, he skates for Elena._

_She’s always there for him._

_When their parents tell him to cut his long hair because it makes him girly she tells him that if he wants to keep it he should. It makes him stand out from the rest._

_She, younger than he, is so much wiser. She is what keeps him afloat even when he feels dragged down by a thousand pound weight._

_She comes to every practice, every competition she can, until they’re a little older, 17 and 18 now._

_Victor’s parents wonder when he’s going to start getting serious about his life._

_They ask him what he wants to do with his life, who he’s going to marry, they’ve never seen him date anyone._

_He tells them skating and they bicker._

_He tells them he’s gay and they scream at him._

_But Elena’s there, and she screams back at them. “How could you say that to him? How can you be proud of me when I’m only a student and Vitya has all the power and influence in the world?! So what if he’s different? You didn’t choose to love each other so why should it be any different for Vitya?!”_

_And they leave him alone._

_But Victor can feel them thinking it. Elena is their baby._

_But he’s her favorite. And slowly they begin to hate him for it._

 

 

_The next year he gets a phone call from his father while he’s away for a competition._

 

_Mikhail Nikiforov screams at him, asks him why he isn’t home._

_He hears Inessa in the background bawling._

_He says that he’s been out of the range of service for a while, he didn’t get to see or hear any of his messages because he’s been practicing too hard._

_Mikhail sighs in disappointment and orders him to come home._

_Victor refuses. On the inside he’s telling himself that if he wants to make Elena proud he’ll have to practice harder and a trip home will only hinder that._

_Then he hears the words._

_“Victor Mikhailovich Nikiforov, you are one heartless being. Your sister Elena is dead and you can’t even come home for her funeral?”_

_Your sister Elena is dead. She slipped on a patch of ice and hit her head. She was trying to ice skate, but she fell._

_He hears his own voice resounding in his head “and you weren’t there to catch her.”_

_He tells his father even if he tried to board a plane it wouldn’t get there in time._

_His own father curses at him. “Victor Nikiforov is dead,” he says. “We tried to love you because Elena did, but we just don’t see what faith she had in you. You are no longer welcome in this family. Don’t bother coming back.”_

_He hangs up and finds a pair of scissors._

_With agonizing tears streaming down his face,_

_19 year old Victor Nikiforov cuts his hair._

 

 

_Then 8 years later he overhears a Japanese boy saying to his thai friend “I really believe he can do it! Victor’s amazing! Watching him skate makes me happy.”_

_Then that night he dances with that man._

_He smiles at him._

_“Yuuri” he says his name._

_Yes, that’s a nice name, Victor thinks to himself._

_So, this is love?_

_He skates with passion this time, even if no one is watching._

_He skates for Yuuri._

_And somehow he knows that wherever she is, Elena is smiling down on him._

 

 

Victor awakened from his flashback with a start, “No that won’t happen. I won’t let anything get to him. As a parent it is my duty to protect him.”

 

Yuuri nodded. “We both will. Hachi too, I bet.”

 

Hachi thumped her tail in her sleep, timing a little too perfect and they both laughed at that. They watched Ilya play with Flip, and Victor was once again reminded of him and Elena again, but this time the memories felt almost sweet. “You know,” he said, grinning at Yuuri with a knowing look. “I don’t think we’ll be the only ones protecting him.”

 

Yuuri smiled and shook his head, “No, I don’t think we will.”

 

Victor heard short little high pitched laughs approaching them quickly, Ilya running towards them, screeching, “Daddy! Help me! The evil Babayaga is after me!” he ran and Yuuri picked him up.

 

Yuuri laughed and pulled him up onto his lap, “Where is she, Ilya? Is she scary?” He grinned as Ilya pointed to Flip, who was making a funny face and trying her best to get to him while maintaining a zombie-like manner.

 

“She’s right there!” he pointed, and began to look around determinedly, “I need something to fight her with!” His eyes searched hungrily until they rested on the black object beside Yuuri. “Perfect!” he slipped off the bench and took the cane in hand, running away with it.

 

Yuuri without a second thought went after him. Victor smiled and laughed as he runs around screaming for Ilya to give it back, but he never did. When he recovered his son and the cane he picked Ilya up first and walked up to Victor with Ilya in his arms, a triumphant smile on his face.

 

He took the cane in his hand.

 

He collapsed it.

 

He threw it in the trash bin on the way out.

 

He never used the cane again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Vocabulary: 
> 
> Snezhinka ~ (Russian) Snowflake
> 
> Metelya ~ (Russian) Blizzard/Snowstorm


	16. Chapter Fourteen: A World Away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Victor revisits a world he never though he'd step into again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi Guys! I'm sorry for being so late on updating! I started regular classes again today, so I have that and homework now fighting me for time. So, I will probably only be updating once a week or so until I settle back into my rhythm. I hope this is an acceptable apology! 
> 
> ~ Song for this chapter is "Sinners" by Lauren Aquilina (PLEASE LOOK THIS UP BECAUSE ITS LITERALLY PERFECT!)

# Forever & Always

### Chapter Fourteen: A World Away

_Victor felt the stream of tears coming from his face like tiny daggers, cutting into his flesh with every drip. His hands were shaking uncontrollably, the sharp metal of the scissors in his hands making rattling noises as he sat on the bathroom floor in his hotel room, his long hair shrouding him in a cloak of silver. He didn’t really remember what had happened, only that one minute he had been home from a long day at practice, and the next he was a sobbing mess, his hands gripping the sides of the toilet bowl for the first of countless times that evening, trying desperately to hold onto something as his stomach emptied its contents in several volleys of bile._

 

_It wasn’t a pretty sight, his eyes were sore, and when he reached his empty hand to wipe another round of tears from his eyes he noticed they were puffy. His throat screamed for relief, but only continued burning as his body was racked with sobs. He didn’t know what he looked like in that moment, and he wasn’t sure he wanted to. He couldn’t bring himself to look in the mirror. He didn’t think he could bear it, looking at himself, the person who he blamed for Elena’s death._

 

 _Realistically, he knew it wasn’t really his fault, how could it be? He was only doing his job, right? But on the inside the only coherent thought he could form was,_ How could you do that? How could you let her down like that? If you had simply been home, you could have stopped her from falling. Maybe she wouldn’t have even been on the ice in the first place. You know that the only reason she skates is to be close to you in some way, and now because you were gone again she’s gone. For good. _He curled in on himself, sinking even lower, an anguished screech ripping its way out of his mouth, singing his throat even further on its way out. The ugly sound echoed throughout the room, but nobody came. He continued to sob and scream, but it was as if nobody cared at all about the freakshow in room 213, because no matter how hideous the sounds were that came out of his throat, nobody came. When he calmed down a little, he simply bent over and rested his head between his knees, trying to keep his breaths level. How stupid he had been to think that anyone in this world besides Elena had ever and would ever love him. Nobody cared._

 

 _He focused himself on that thought, repeating over and over in his head,_ I’m not special. Nobody cares about me. _He heard his father’s angry voice in his head again, but this time Victor only smiled bitterly. Mikhail Ivanovich Nikiforov was right, nobody loved him. He gave them credit for trying. A bitter laugh made its way through his lips at that thought._ You were right, Papa, _he thought_ , I’m nothing special. I’m sorry Elena wasted her life believing in a failure like me. _And he was right, wasn’t he? What meaning did winning have if he had no one who truly loved him to support him? The only reason he was as huge of a deal was because Elena had been there for him, and encouraged him to push himself to new levels. But she was wrong. On his own he was a nobody. The only thing about him that was different was his hair, long and silvery, the very thing he had thought could show the world just how special he was. But he would prove it to them all. He would show them that even though his skating was otherworldly, on the inside he was just as insignificant as anyone else. Take away his hair and he was no longer a creature who could somehow evolve his skating to reflect whatever he wanted, somehow existing beyond either gender. No more surprising the audience with twists and programs only he could pull off due to his looks. No more milking the innocent air he’d been so desperately trying to hold onto. No, one last surprise for the audience, to show them the truth. Take away his hair and he was just a man._

 

I’m sorry Elena _, he thought as he brought the scissors up to his head, trying to steady his hand. The thoughts, names, slurs, horrors of his past all shouted at him._

 

I’m not special _. Snip._

 

I’m just an abomination _. Snip._

 

An insult to my family’s name _. Snip._

 

Elena was wrong _. Snip._

 

She wasted her life trying to love me. _Snip._

 

Nobody loves me _. Snip._

 

I am unlovable _. Snip._

 

_This continued until he was surrounded in a river of uneven, jaggedly cut wefts of silver hair. He ran a hand through what was left on his head and felt that it was extremely unevenly cut, but he didn’t care. He could get someone to fix that tomorrow. He’d perform tomorrow anyways, a perfect program like always. A robot, he was. Meant to do nothing on this earth but skate, not designed for life or love. He shoved his emotions inside himself and stood up, but when he stood he stopped in his tracks._

 

_His worlds collided and instead of Yakov finally knocking on his door due to noise complaints, he saw Yuuri come through the door, exactly as he was the day of the accident. And he was immediately filled with fear and panic._

 

_“Don’t come any closer,” he warned. “I’ll only end up hurting you.”_

 

_But the Japanese man only smiled warmly and walked towards him as if he couldn’t hear him, “I love you Victor Nikiforov, and I’ll for-eeevvverr bee y-yoours,” his voice started to fade and deepen, glitching as it combined both his words from that night and his wedding vows._

 

_“No, NO!” Victor screamed as he came closer, blood streaming from wounds in his head, the same smile on his face as if he didn’t even notice the pain._

 

_But before he could reach him, he vanished, and Victor was surrounded by the image of everyone he’d ever loved, all insulting him._

 

_“We never loved you,” His parents said in unison._

 

 _“You ruined me,_ anata _,” Yuuri said with a sick smile._

 

_“You killed me,” Elena said, her green eyes empty of emotion, her lips molded into a disappointed frown._

 

_“You don’t understand!” he sobbed. "I never meant for any of this to happen! I didn’t want any of you to be in pain because of me. I know how much of a failure I am now. Please let me try and move on in peace!"_

 

_“But what about him, Victor?” Elena’s voice haunted him. Ilya appeared, walking towards him with open arms. “You’ll only cause him pain too…” She whispered before she faded away and left him with the six year old child._

 

_He squealed happily as he tottered towards Victor, calling out, “Papa! Catch me!”_

 

 _“Ilya, No!” he begged, tears streaming down his cheeks, the wall he’d spent so many years building up inside himself coming down with only a few simple words. He_ _bent down and reached his arms out anyway, forcing a smile as the child neared him, but as his body made contact with Victor’s hands, he crumbled into ash._

 

————

 

Victor felt himself being shaken awake by little hands, strong for their age.

 

“Papa, you’re crying!” the little voice protested and when Victor opened his eyes he saw his little face screwed up into a scowl through the early morning haze. He felt Yuuri beside him start to stir, groaning.

 

Victor pushed himself into a sitting position and wiped his eyes before pulling his son up onto his lap, “You’re right, Ilyusha,” he said, his voice still shaky and thick from tears. “But that’s okay. I was only having a bad dream. But it’s over now.” He reached his head so he could see his little boy’s face and smiled, trying to gather himself together again.

 

“I didn’t think boys were supposed to cry,” Ilya said, a look of curiosity in his ice blue eyes.

 

Victor frowned. He knew the Japanese were strict about these sort of things, but he didn’t know they’d been teaching Ilya things like this. “It’s okay for boys to cry,” he said, a serious and stern look replacing the smile from before. “If you feel sad don’t let anyone tell you you can’t cry. You cry as loudly and as long as you want, until you feel better. Because that’s what’s really important.”

 

“Your Papa’s right,” he heard Yuuri’s groggy voice add in as the bed shifted, Yuuri moving so he could sit beside Victor and kissed the top of Ilya’s head tenderly before planting a sweet kiss on Victor’s temple.

 

Victor sighed in relief at the touch, a small blush seeping into his cheeks. “We love you no matter what, _Solnyshko Moya_ ,” he said, and Ilya smiled. “Well, now that we’re up, let’s get ready to start our tour.”

 

Both Yuuri and Ilya beamed as they scrambled to get ready for the big day they had planned ahead of them. They were in Pushkin, Saint Petersburg, Victor’s hometown, on a long planned visit to Russia as a late birthday gift to Ilya. Both Victor and Yuuri thought the little boy should get a chance to see the country from which his birth parents and his papa were from, and had decided that Pushkin was the best place to do that since Victor had an intimate knowledge of the city.

 

Throughout that morning Victor made them both, _kasha_ for breakfast, and after filling up on the warm porridge Victor had almost completely forgotten about his nightmare as his head floated up to the clouds as it filled with nostalgia and happy memories from his childhood. They then went on to tour the two castles in the old part of the city, Catherine Palace and Alexander Palace were both once seats to members of the most prestigious monarchy to ever rule Imperial Russia. Now they only sat there, gilded and brightly colored, but cold and empty, the once bright happy people that had called them home had all gone away a long time ago taking their warmth with them, some to rule on, the latter to die horrible deaths in a basement in Siberia. As they toured, Ilya’s face was lit with a constant smile as he took in the golden legacy of the Romanovs, but to Victor, the feeling emanating from those golden walls wasn’t one of prestige and honor, but of loneliness.

 

They ate at a restaurant for lunch, and stopped by the statue of Alexander Pushkin on Pushkinskaya Street, just off Nevsky Prospekt. Victor couldn’t help but smile as he saw the way Ilya’s eyes widened at the tall bronze sculpture and how little he was in comparison to its massive size.

 

“Ready to go home?” Yuuri asked, holding out his hand for Ilya to take and he did obediently.

 

Victor placed a hand on his husband’s shoulder gently and whispered in his ear, “There’s one more place I want to visit…” His eyes silently pleaded with Yuuri’s and Yuuri nodded slowly, indicating he had gotten the message.

 

He turned around and said with a smile, “Sorry, I forgot, there’s someone special that your Papa wants to introduce you to.”

 

Ilya smiled big and wide again and nodded his little head enthusiastically, “Okay!” He grinned.

 

Victor smiled at them both and took Ilya’s other hand and walked like that as he led them to the small hill, dotted with grey, swinging Ilya in between the two of them. Some people stared at them angrily, some spat, some cursed, but Victor stared them all down viciously. If anyone hurt his precious son or his husband there would be _hell_ to pay. He took a deep breath as he reached the headstone, it read “Елена Михайловна Никифорова”. Victor took a gloved hand and wiped at the stone, trying to clean it a little.

 

“Elena Mikhailovna Nikiforova?” Ilya’s little voice asked curiously as he struggled to read the Cyrillic letters.

 

Victor nodded, “Yes, Ilyusha. This is your aunt Elena. She was my little sister, but she died in an accident when I was nineteen. She would have loved you very much, and I think you would have liked her too. She was who helped me learn to skate, and keep skating, which in a way helped lead me to your dad,” he looked up at Yuuri who smiled back at him, “She loved me unconditionally, even when it wasn’t something that everyone else could do. So I wanted you to know that just like Elena loved me with all her heart, so do I and your father. You will never have to live in a world where you feel unloved.” He smiled.

 

Ilya smiled back and even tough Victor knew that his little brain couldn’t possibly comprehend what he’d said, it made him smile when Ilya walked up to the headstone and placed a gentle kiss on the top and introduced himself, saying, “ _Zdrastvutye, tetya Elena! Menya zovut Ilya!_ ” and continuing on babbling in Russian to the stone, telling her all sorts of things.

 

Yuuri wrapped his arm around Victor’s waist and nestled into him, mumbling happily, “He really is special, isn’t he?”

 

Victor nodded back but he heard voices approaching them. Even in their quick and muted Russian from afar he could still pick those two voices out in a crowd. It was his parents. Inessa and Mikhail Nikiforov approached them arm in arm, hard looks on their faces. Victor called out to Ilya and had him take his hand. “ _Zdrastvutye_ ,” Victor said calmly.

 

“What are you doing here, Viktor?” his father asked in a thick accent. “You know you are not welcome here anymore.”

 

Victor met his eyes measuredly, building up the wall between them even higher, gesturing to Ilya, “This is Ilya. He’s our adopted son, an orphan from two Russian refugees who died trying to escape the poverty their families had fallen on. We brought him here as a birthday gift, trying to show him the country his birth parents and I grew up in. You already know who Yuuri is,” he squeezed Yuuri’s hand gently, “I assume you aren’t recognizing our marriage though, due to the fact you never showed up to our wedding even though I sent you an invitation.” Ilya gripped his pants leg tightly with the little hand that wasn’t holding Victor’s, peering out at his grandparents with fear. “It’s alright, Ilyusha,” he said, forcing a smile. “This is my Mama and Papa. Your _Dedushka_ and _Babushka_.”

 

Victor’s father’s face went stony cold, and Inessa looked down, her face full of conflicting emotions as Mikhail spat, “Don’t you dare teach him to call us that! We want nothing to do with you or the atrocity you choose to call a family. If you had any sense of kindness you’d have never adopted him, and let him grow up in a normal family. Living like this will only cause him pain.” He looked down at the small child with disgust.

 

Ilya whined and Victor felt his heart fill with anger. “What is it, Ilya?” he asked through gritted teeth, trying to hold back his fury.

 

Ilya said in a shaky voice, “They make you cry Papa,” he said as if it was the most natural thing in the world. “I sometimes see you with pictures of you and them and another girl, but you always cry when you look at them. I don’t want them to make me cry too.” Victor could tell from his voice that Ilya was already crying by the end of the sentence.

 

Everyone stared at each other in shock, Mikhail’s face went void of any expression at all, and Inessa was overcome with tears, moving as if she wanted to pull away from her husband, but almost immediately Mikhail pulled her away, turning their backs to the family in front of them. “Stupid child,” he said, as they walked away. “Why would we want to make you cry?” Victor thought he heard the tiniest semblance of remorse in his father’s voice as he uttered that last sentence. Almost as if he couldn’t quite believe what he’d heard. As if he’d never considered that what he’d said to his son all those years ago could possibly still be haunting him.

 

Ilya started bawling as they left and Victor and Yuuri bent down, both getting on their knees so they could hug him as he cried. “Why don’t they like me? What did I do? Why don’t they want me?” He sobbed.

 

Victor felt his heart start to crack a little at those questions. “Shh,” he murmured, “You didn’t do anything, You didn’t do anything wrong, I promise!” he gently pushed his son’s shaggy auburn hair out of his eyes so he could wipe the tears staining his perfect little cheeks. “It’s not you they don’t like. They don’t want anything to do with me because of your Dad and I being married and public about our love for each other. Not everyone in the world supports the kind of love we share, but that’s okay with us. We love each other no matter what anyone else thinks about it. But to my parents, I disgrace the family name by loving a man. Ever since your aunt Elena died they’ve had nothing to do with me, and I was fine with that. I never meant for you to meet them like this. I guess I just have the world’s worst timing. Will you forgive me, Ilyusha?” he asked, a sad look spreading over his features as he begged for his little son’s forgiveness for his drastic mistake.

 

“Uh huh…” Ilya nodded and stopped crying a little, but still sniffled loudly as the duller more bitter tears slowly dripped from his eyes. “I just wish they loved you Papa. You love me, right?” He asked, his eyes filling with a desperate kind of anguish, one that almost mirrored Victor’s own internal agony.

Victor’s heart shattered at that simple question and he took his son in his arms as tightly as he could without hurting him, Yuuri’s arms wrapping around them tightly. “Of course I love you, Solnyshko Moya,” he said, tears streaming down his own cheeks. “I will never abandon you, my precious son. I’ll be there for you no matter what. I’ll never let anyone hurt you. I’ll always support you in whatever you choose to do in life. No matter who you choose to love, where you go, or what you do your dad and I will always be there beside you,” he pulled away for a second and pointed a finger, gently tapping the spot above Ilya’s heart. “We’ll always love you, and even if one day we’re far away, you can always feel our love in hear. If you keep us here we’ll never leave you.” He thought a bit about Elena as he said those words.

 

Ilya was overcome with emotion at the words and threw his little body into Victor’s arms, hugging him with as much strength as his little arms could muster. “ _Ya tebya lyublyu, Papa_ ,” he said, his voice barely above a whisper.

 

But that’s all it took.

 

Victor cried happy tears as he whispered the words back to his son tenderly,

 

“ _Ya tohze tebya lyublyu, Ilyusha._ ”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Vocabulary: 
> 
> Solnyshko Moya ~ (Russian) "My Little Sun" 
> 
> Kasha ~ (Russian) "Porridge"
> 
> Zdrastvutye, tetya Elena! Menya zovut Ilya! ~ (Russian) "Hello, Aunt Elena! My name is Ilya!"
> 
> Zdrastvutye ~ (Russian) "Hello" 
> 
> Dedushka ~ (Russian) "Grandpa" 
> 
> Babushka ~ (Russian) "Grandma" 
> 
> Ya Tebya Lyublyu ~ (Russian) "I love you"
> 
> Ya tozhe tebya lyublyu ~ (Russian) "I love you too"


	17. Chapter Fifteen: A Child's Innocence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ilya deals with the haters.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! I'm sorry this is late! I promise I will have the ending out in the next couple of weeks, and that the quality of the writing will go back up! It's just hard writing the chapters leading up to the resolution, ya know? 
> 
> ~Song for this chapter is "I'll Be Good" by Jaymes Young

# Forever & Always

### Chapter Fifteen: A Child's Innocence

###    


Forty-seven-year-old Victor sat in the wooden chair tapping his leg impatiently as he waited for his son’s name to be called. He focused on the small details around him, the bricks of the old building with their white paint peeling off at the edges, the exact sound of his foot on the old wooden floors, and the way the sunlight reflected off Ilya’s dyed cerulean hair, making it look like blue fames. He was currently staring at the floor intently, holding his right hand tightly, wrapped in a cloth. It was still shaking from the anger Victor knew he was holding inside himself. Victor thought him and his son were quite a bit alike, but it wasn’t a reassuring thought to him. If there was anyone Ilya should take after it certainly wasn’t him.

 

“Hey, you don’t have to cut yourself off so much. I’m not here to be angry at you, I’m here because I want to understand what happened to you so I can help you. So, please, Ilyusha tell me why you punched that boy,” Victor ventured in a tone that was strict enough to sound parental, but he couldn’t help the worriedness that still managed to push through his words.

 

Ilya only looked up momentarily, meeting his eyes with a look of incredulousness and anger. There were still remnants and tiny tears in the fourteen-year-old’s eyes, one slowly turning colors from the nasty bruise that would surely fully form by morning. He turned back to his original stance and Victor decided it might be best if he just let him be alone for now. He knew what it was like to be in this same position from all those years ago with Yuuri. Except Yuuri hadn’t been bruised. And that’s what really bothered Victor.

 

Ilya had been a happy child, always smiling and giving his entire heart to the world around him without reservation. Even though Victor and Yuuri knew he’d most likely been bullied in elementary school and middle school, he’d always somehow been able to force a smile for his parents, never showing just how much pain he was in. Victor had heard the words students said to his son whenever he was there to drop Ilya off to school. They’d say them in Japanese like he couldn’t hear them, but looks could be deceiving. He’d heard every one. But for Ilya, he’d always found something new to adore or something that caught his fascination that would distract him from the cruel words others threw at him.

 

He particularly liked watching Flip dance. She was nineteen now and still skated like a pro, but had ended up taking really well to dancing as well as figure skating. Because of that, she moved on the ice in a way Victor had never seen, truly moving her body more like a she was simply dancing instead of riding blades on Ice. Ilya himself had started dancing at age seven, and ever since then, dancing with Flip had been his escape. They were more than just partners though, competition after competition agreed, put them together in a room and turn on the music, and the chemistry between the two of them was palpable. Back then all that Ilya would have to do was step into the studio and all his fears would seem to fall away.

 

But back then the bullying had never been physical.

 

“Ilya Katsuki-Nikiforov,” the dean of the school called as she stepped out into the hallway, her glasses riding low on her nose as she peered over them to look at the two. Victor and Ilya stood up and moved to follow her inside as another boy and his father came out of the office. This boy was much thinner than Ilya’s muscular form, and his body, what was visible of it, was covered in bruises and scratches that were scabbing over. He held a rag to his nose with his own bruised fist. As their eyes met, Victor could practically feel the electricity of the anger between the two of them, the other boy’s brown eyes lit with accusing anger, Ilya’s full of fiery protective fury. Victor put his hand on Ilya’s shoulder and led him into the office, turning him so he wouldn’t have to look at the other boy anymore.

 

“Mrs. Ichihara,” Victor saluted the woman as she shut the door and made her way to her desk with a deep bow.

 

She did the same, her hands clasped in front of her stomach as she bent forward. “Hello, Mr. Katsuki-Nikiforov,” she said plainly as she rose from her bow and took a seat in the soft chair behind her desk. “Please take a seat so we may discuss the event of your son attacking his fellow student, Ayato Muriyama, and the correct disciplinary actions that should be taken as we try to move forward from this incident.”

 

Victor blanched at her words, so condemning yet uttered with so little emotion behind them. “Excuse me?” he asked, moving forward to sit in the chair beside Ilya. “There must be some kind of mistake,” he searched for words, “I mean there’s no doubt that these two boys got into some kind of disagreement and that it spiraled way out of proportion, but to actively condemn one or the other before hearing both sides of the story is a bit of a medieval practice, don’t you think? Doesn’t Ilya deserve the chance to explain himself before you go to deciding whether or not to kick him out or whatever it is you’re inevitably going to punish him with?”

 

The woman clicked her tongue against her teeth impatiently as she lounged in her chair, “I guess you’re right, Mr. Katsuki-Nikiforov, but I’m offended you’d think of me that way. I only started in that way because we asked both of them to give us explanations, and while Ayato gave us a full description of the attack, Ilya decided to stay silent and brooding as he is now,” she gestured to Ilya, sitting in the chair beside Victor, sulking. “I suppose for your sake we can allow him one more chance to explain his actions, but this is the last time such privilege will be permitted.” She glared over her glasses sternly.

 

“Thank you,” he bowed his head briefly and turned to Ilya, but he only turned his head away, tears still slowly falling from his azure eyes and his body began to shake ever-so-slightly. “Come on, Ilyusha,” he begged gently, and Ilya whimpered a little.

 

The fourteen-year-old boy looked his father in the eyes with immense sadness, “I promise Papa, it wasn’t my fault! I would never attack someone else unprovoked, you know that! Why can’t everyone just believe me? Ayato started it, I was only protecting someone!”

 

Victor locked eyes with his son, putting his arm on his shoulder. “Who were you protecting?” he asked in a soft, loving tone as Ichihara narrowed her eyes at the boy sniveling in front of her. Victor could tell what she was thinking. Why should she take heed to anything this little snot nosed punk says when Ayato Muriyama’s family was pretty much paying for the school to be run? Apparently things in Japan were much different, and one family could basically run an entire town if they were well-off enough, which the Muriyamas were. It wasn’t that he and Yuuri couldn’t afford all the nicer things as well, the countless medals and sponsorships they received not only as performers but as an internationally acclaimed coaching duo made that much obvious. It was just that Victor didn’t want all the fame and wealth to go to their heads. It was nice to have a place where he and his family could come to be just human.

 

“I can’t tell you…” Ilya breathed, his entire body now shaking.

 

Ichihara stuck her nose up in the air, “Then why should we believe you? Why shouldn’t I punish you for the physical and emotional damage you’ve done to the son of one of this school’s primary supporters? I don’t think you realize the severity of your actions Ilya,” she pushed forward onto her desk further, a menacing look in her eyes. “Because you attacked Ayato Muriyama it is very well likely that the family will then not only withdraw their son from this institution, but also all their loyal funding. Do you know what that means? It means that because of you, this entire institution may crumble into nothingness all because you little blue haired punk couldn’t resist beating up a tiny twig of a boy like Ayato just to prove what? That you’re somehow better, stronger than he is?!”

 

Ilya whimpered again, this time louder and started crying again. Victor raised his hand to silence her, “That’s enough from you, Mrs. Ichihara,” he said cordially and stood up, buttoning his jacket and readjusting his scarf. “I believe Ilya and I will be leaving now. Thank you for your time.” He didn’t even bother shaking her hand as he guided Ilya towards the door to her office.

 

“If you walk out that door, Mr. Katsuki-Nikiforov, don’t even think about bringing your little mess up of a kid back here, do you understand? We here will not tolerate such behavior and will not permit such students inside the walls of this great institution!” Ichihara yelled as he reached the door.

 

Victor turned around to smile innocently as he said in the darkest tone he’d used in years, “Oh, dear Mrs. Ichihara, I wouldn’t dream of sending Ilya back to such a basket case as this. Clearly the only children you attend to here are children of the rich and famous who have absolutely no brains and no talents. Ilya will no longer be in need of your services, in fact I believe being here has only hindered him and I will be sure to tell everyone I know about the unfortunate circumstances and slapstick curriculum of this, what did you call it? Oh yes, Institution because clearly this is a place that only the insane would send their children, and I do hope that Ilya will forgive me for making him stay here for as long as I have.” He smiled the whole time he uttered those words, and tipped his imaginary hat as he opened the door, ushering Ilya out. “Good day, Mrs. Ichihara.” He said as the door clicked behind him.

 

————————————-

 

“You did not say that to Kaori Ichihara, the head of Saga prefecture’s top boys’ school?” Yuuri gasped as he toweled off another dish and placed it in the cabinet along with the others from their dinner of sukiyaki that night.

 

Victor nodded as he rinsed off the last dish and put it in the dish drainer and let the water out of the sink. “Not only did I say it, I meant it with every fiber of my being. I don’t want our son to have to go back to that place if it’s only going to cause him harm. He doesn’t deserve to be put through so much pain on a daily basis, especially not when we can do something to help it.”

 

Yuuri nodded, stacking the last dish away, closing the cabinet and throwing the towel over his shoulder as he leaned into his husband, giving him a tender kiss on the cheek. “Of course not, _anata_ , we don’t have to send him back there, Ilya can pick another eligible school, whichever his heart desires. He can have the pick of the litter,” he smiled brightly. “he should know by now that we’d pluck the stars from the sky for him, if only he asked…” Yuuri chuckled.

 

Victor smiled in happiness, but it was tinged with doubt, “I hope he does…” he trailed off, sighing as he returned Yuuri’s kiss with one on his temple.

 

There was a squeaking noise from the living room, followed by short outbursts of laughter and both Victor and Yuuri followed it, confused looks on their faces. When they turned the corner, they laughed as they saw Ilya’s dog Taiyo, a fluffy red Shiba Inu rolled up in their cat Tiger’s yarn, rolling around on his back, kicking his legs as furiously as he could, periodically rolling onto the squeak toy on the floor beside him. Of course, Tiger, like “uncle Yuratchka” who had given him to Ilya for his ninth birthday was sitting as far away from the ensuing chaos as possible licking himself proudly and looking at the dog with disgust.

 

“Taiyo!” Ilya tried to reach for the yarn around him, but the dog grunted in protest and rolled away from him and back onto the toy, a loud squeak emitting from under him as he continued grunting and rolling.

 

Victor and Yuuri erupted into laughter as the aging Hachimitsu made her way into the living room from her bed in Victor and Yuuri’s room, announcing herself with a tired and gruff bark, which halted Taiyo’s movements.

 

“Gotcha!” Ilya jumped onto his dog and started removing the yarn from him. Taiyo sat still as he finished removing yarn from him, but continued making small grunting noises as his limbs were sometimes still being pulled in unnatural ways and without his permission.

  
Yuuri bent down, and sat on the floor, pulling Hachi onto his lap and started petting her gently. She gratefully accepted the attention and settled her head onto Yuuri’s leg, closing her eyes and taking in the sounds of her humans and life around her. Victor smiled and sat down beside him, running his hands through her soft curly fur. She thumped her tail in appreciation at Victor’s touch and nosed her way further into Yuuri’s lap as she fell asleep.

 

Ilya did the same with his dog, and looked over at his parents, but looked down momentarily. “I have something to tell you, but you have to promise not to tell anyone else. Ever.” he said sincerely and looked up, fear filling his blue eyes.

 

Both Victor and Yuuri nodded.

 

“Of course, Ilyusha.” Victor said.

 

Yuuri smiled in return, “You can tell us anything.”

 

Ilya said in a hushed voice, “I didn’t attack Ayato because he punched me,” he started, “I was gonna let that one slide, try to pass it off as I slipped and fell or something, I didn’t wanna cause trouble. But then he started in on you two, calling me things like ‘the fag kid’ or the ‘abomination’ and I started getting angry, but I brushed it off. He called you things like ‘the Russian has-been and his precious humpty-dumpty’, and ’the worst thing to happen to Japanese figure skating’ which earned him the broken nose, but none of that stuff competes with what he did next,” Ilya brought his face down to the floor, his cheeks becoming flushed with righteous anger.

 

“Ilya, what’s going on?” Victor asked.

 

Ilya looked up and met his father’s eyes with disgust and fury, “He crossed the line. He insulted Flip. He started saying that she was nothing but a dumb whore who clearly had slept her way to the top and that he wanted a taste of what had truly made her so famous both on and off the Ice. So I attacked him. I lost control, I punched him, I kicked him, I beat the living hell out of him until I felt the blood in my veins start to cool down. I couldn’t take it. Nobody deserves to be treated like that, especially not Flip. She works herself so hard to have made it as far as she’s come, even if her school suffered because of it. She’s the very person who inspires me to work harder to achieve my dreams, and to see and hear someone put down my _snezhinka_ like that, I had to do something about it. You understand, don’t you?” He looked up after he’d finished talking, a look of determination playing across his features.

 

“Of course we do, sweetheart,” Yuuri said, smiling at him with pride, “And we’re proud of you for standing up not only for yourself and your family, but for your friend as well. I’m glad you defended Flip like that, she doesn’t deserve to have her image represented in that way like so many other unfortunate women these days. People just don’t seem to understand boundaries…” he trailed off.

 

Victor picked up where his husband left off, “And don’t feel bad about it either,” he stated, “What you did was a completely normal and expected reaction. You shouldn’t feel guilty for standing up for someone you love. Ichihara had no right to favor that petty little rich kid over you anyways, it was totally uncalled-for and unacceptable. So you don’t have to go back there if you don’t want to. You never have to see that little ass or his little group of good for nothing bullies ever again. You can choose whatever school you’d like to go to Ilya, and it’s yours,” Victor stopped himself momentarily, “Just make sure to eat Katsudon before you take the entrance exam that way you’ll pass.” He winked at Yuuri and Yuuri blushed.

 

“R-really?” Ilya asked, his face lighting up like a beam of sunshine. “You weren’t just saying that to make Mrs. Ichihara angry?!”

 

Victor shook his head. “Nope. Anywhere in Japan, and it’s yours. The Islands are the limit.” He smiled.

 

The look of sadness in Ilya’s eyes faded completely and they lit up with hope as he said with a grin, “That’s and easy choice! I want to go to the Saga Academy of Dance!” Victor smiled as he heard Ilya say this because he knew the reason for the choice. The Saga Academy of Dance was where Flip was currently studying.

 

Yuuri smiled at his son with those same ambition filled brown eyes from years passed, as he agreed with his son, voice thick with pride. “Then the Saga Academy of Dance it is!”

 

And just like that, Ilya was off to dancing school.

 


	18. Chapter Sixteen: An Angelic Affection

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ilya has a dance-off (Ironic). (He takes after his father)...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And a week after the last chapter she comes back with this shitty excuse of a chapter... Please forgive me. I hope you enjoy nonetheless. Their relationship is very special to me. Protect Ilya and Flip 2k17. (Don't take me seriously on that). (DON'T EVER TAKE ME SERIOUSLY).
> 
> ~ Song for this chapter is "When I Fall In Love" by Jackie Evancho
> 
> \- Ilya and Flip's Bolero is set to "Se" by Jackie Evancho & 2 Cellos
> 
> Here is the link to [Eine Kliene](https://youtu.be/7UeSkNObrW4)  
> (Ilya's Lullaby that Victor and Yuuri sing together because they're nerds) (You guys should look this up. I know I'm such a nerd that the vid's even Yuri On Ice!!! themed, but even though it's sad I get that nostalgic family feeling when I listen to it.) (I know I'm a sick person.)

# Forever & Always

### Chapter Sixteen: An Angelic Affection

It had been two years since Ilya had started studying at The Saga Academy of Dance, and already from what Victor had heard, his son was becoming one of the school’s most promising pupils. As it was a dance college as well as school Flip was still going to school there, preparing for her first year as a professional dancer next year. However, as she had immediately chosen Ilya as her partner, he thought she’d be very reluctant to pick another. Whenever they danced together she couldn’t take her eyes off him. Sixteen-year-old Russian immigrant adoptees with cerulean hair were apparently very hard to come by in her eyes. Victor smiled at that thought as he heard Yuuri coming through the door, his eyes a little puffy behind his old blue frames.

 

“How was your walk?” Victor asked as he pulled his husband close, kissing his cheeks softly.

 

Yuuri blushed a little, but held onto Victor tightly, sniffling a little. “It was fine,” he replied in a whisper.

 

Victor rubbed his back a little and swayed them a little bit, kissing Yuuri’s head. “I know you miss her,” he pulled back so he could look in Yuuri’s eyes. It had been a year since Hachimitsu had been put down due to growing illness that put her in more pain than they could treat. Yuuri had went to leave flowers by the shrine he had put up for her beside the garden at his parents’ Onsen today in remembrance.

 

Yuuri nodded in Victor’s embrace. “I do… We shared so many happy moments with her.” He cuddled even further into Victor and Victor sighed happily, reaching for his husband’s left hand with his right gently rubbing the ring with his thumb.

 

“Hey, it’ll be alright,” he murmured softly into Yuuri’s ear. “She wouldn’t want us to be sad…” He swayed Yuuri a little bit, humming the opening of a song he knew Yuuri loved. A song they used to sing to Ilya as a lullaby to make him feel better.

 

“Hey,” Yuuri immediately smiled and looked up. “That’s not fair.”

 

Victor smiled devilishly, and started dancing with his husband, singing the song lowly. “I’m not sure I know what you mean,” he said as he took a breath after singing the first verse.

 

Yuuri took his hand in his and swung him forward, dancing toward the living room as he sung the reprise, “Sing with me, please..” He looked up at Victor and for a moment Victor could have sworn that despite the small wrinkles forming beside his eyes and the grey in his hair he looked just like himself from all those years ago, as he had hugged him before preparing to perform Eros the first time. His ember eyes were pleading, filled with all the hope, fear, and now, love in the world.

 

Victor nodded and leaned down to kiss him before he bursted out into song, singing the chorus with Yuuri, a wild fervor in his voice.

                       

                         " _Kienai kanashimi mo                                 With this endless pain in my heart_  
_hokorobi mo anata to ireba                       Tearing me apart, and also you beside me_  
_"Sorede yokatta ne" to waraeru no ga         Can’t you see how happy I’d be?_  
_Donna ni ureshii ka                                    I’d smile and say “It was all for the best you see?”_  
_Me no mae no subete ga                            As the world melts in front of me and fades away_  
_boya kete wa tokete iku youna                   I only have one thing left to say!_  
_Kiseki de afurete tarinai ya                        These miracles flooding me won’t make it go away,_  
_Atashi no namae wo yonde kureta             Because I can still hear your voice calling out my name._ ”

 

As they caught their breath they heard a key turning in the lock to their apartment, and Victor smiled as Yuuri laughed, laying his head on Victor’s chest. Victor swayed him a little, whispering, “Shhh..” grinning.

 

Ilya came through the door, his tired voice calling out, “ _Tadai ma!_ ” as he stumbled through the hallway, carrying his large dance bag in one hand and his backpack slug across his back. “What was that noise I heard?” he asked as he rounded the corner to where Victor and Yuuri were.

 

“Welcome home, Ilya,” Yuuri turned around, still in Victor’s embrace as he said the words, blush still plastered very obviously across his cheeks.

 

Ilya screwed up his face immediately, resembling Yurio when he was younger. “Okay, wait. Never mind, I don’t want to know anymore. I see you two enjoyed your day off.” He smiled a little as he reached up to give each of his parents a quick kiss on the cheek.

 

Victor and Yuuri both smiled and returned the kisses. “You don’t have to worry,” Victor assured his son, ruffling his blue hair affectionately and smirking at how he still scrunched his face up in mild annoyance as he tried to straighten it back up afterwards. “We were only singing together.”

 

Yuuri nodded, “Sometimes you gotta stretch the old windpipes.” He elbowed his son in the ribs.

 

Ilya rolled his eyes at that and sat his bags down beside the couch, reaching for Tiger, who had been napping there on the armrest, holding the fat tabby in his arms happily. “Are you sure you can call that singing?” he asked, a small playful smirk playing across his features. “Because I could have sworn what I heard out in the hallway was two dying whales. I’m surprised that the neighbors didn’t call animal control…” He trailed off.

 

Yuuri huffed and crossed his arms, affronted, but Victor only smirked back, giving his son a slow clap. “I see you’ve upped your comeback game.”

 

Ilya laughed a little, his blue eyes lighting up as his cheeks turned slightly red with happiness. “I was only kidding, you know that Papa…” He laughed a little more and put Tiger, who was squirming in his arms and reaching for the armrest again, down so he could curl up. He bent down and picked up Taiyo’s squeak toy in his hand, squeezing it and giggling as the Shiba Inu came barreling down the hallway from his room to hop up and cover Ilya’s face with kisses. “Whoa! Down boy!” He laughed as he gently pushed the dog away from him. “Go fetch!” he wiggled the toy in his hand playfully and threw it, sighing in relief as the dog took off after it, giving Ilya a moment to breathe. “He’s a energetic as ever,” he laughed. “I wish I could have at least half his energy when I’m in practice. I’d be able to do every single leap known to man. In a row.” he smiled as he looked up at his parents. “How was your day?”

 

Yuuri smiled back and replied, “It was good, how was yours?” as he made his way to sit on the couch with Ilya.

 

Victor let go of Yuuri reluctantly and sat beside his husband and son on the couch, adding, “Practice still kicking your butt, huh?” Ilya threw himself into a rant about all kinds of dancing things, using words that Victor honestly no matter how many times either his son, Flip, or even his husband or Google tried to explain it to him, he’d never understand, so he just let Yuuri take over, nodding at the right parts and asking the right questions. It wasn’t that the very thing Ilya was going to have a career in wasn’t important to him, it was just because his brain was already so full of skating terminology, four languages, and all the various things he had to remember but would inevitably forget at some point just to keep living on a daily basis that to try and reroute his brain to understand dance as well he was sure he’d need an extra hard drive just to keep everything filed. He let his gaze wander the room momentarily until he noticed something sticking out pf Ilya’s bag. It was a small package wrapped in brown paper, tied around it was a cobalt green ribbon, no signature visible. But Victor didn’t need one to tell who that package was from. Cobalt green had been Flip’s signature color as soon as she’d started skating. It was a color very close to that of Ilya’s eyes. Victor leaned closer to the package, an inquisitive look in his eyes as he asked, “Hey Ilya, where’d you get that package from?”

 

Almost in an instant he jumped off the couch and grabbed the package, angling it away from Victor or Yuuri, his cheeks turning a shade of red similar to the dark crimson of the couch. “N-Nowhwere!” he stuttered and tried hiding it behind his back. “Package! What package?” He tried desperately to pass it off innocently.

 

Victor smirked, a playful grin playing across his features as his eyes alit with a playful evil, “Why the package you’re trying so very hard to hide behind your back, Ilyusha…” He drew his name out in a thick accent, his voice lilting a little higher at the end, letting him know he was on to him. “Now, lets have a look, shall we?” He reached forward.

 

Ilya shot up from the couch and started to make a run for it, shouting, “ _NO!_ ” in an embarrassed voice as he ran down the hall.

 

Of course Victor took this as a challenge and ran after him, both Yuuri and Taiyo on his heels, Taiyo barking and growling protectively even though his tail was still wagging happily. He caught him right as he reached his room, tickling him a little as he carried him back to the living room. “Come on now,” he put his arm around Ilya’s shoulders and clapped his back a little with pride. “Getting a gift from a lady friend is nothing to be embarrassed about. And anyways, we can already tell that Flip gave it to you because of the ribbon… She’s very predictable in that sense isn’t she?” he asked, raising an eyebrow.

 

Ilya blushed even further, but smiled at that, taking a deep breath to calm himself down. “Okay, but please don’t laugh… They’re not even meant to be romantic.” He untied the ribbon with the most gentle fingers, setting it aside for later, and unwrapped the small black box. From within the box he pulled out a pair of sea green leg warmers made of a soft looking material. Ilya smiled as he pulled them out. “She said she saw these in a shop when she was looking for things she needed for class. She told me they reminded her of my eyes, and that perhaps if I used these in practice this week before the competition then it could be our good luck charm. They’re quite pretty aren’t they?”

 

Ilya held them up and as he and Yuuri both nodded, he could tell from the way Ilya’s eyes crinkled when he smiled just like Yuuri’s and the blush still deep in his cheeks that Ilya had the biggest crush on Flip that Victor had ever seen. He tucked this piece of information deep inside his heart, smiling at the thought because he knew from the way they interacted and how Ilya was the only person she cared about when it came to her skating that Flip liked him back as well. But that was for her to tell him in her own time, and so Victor would let things play out the way they were meant to. “That’s quite a lovely gift,” he smiled and placed a hand on Ilya’s shoulder encouragingly. “And you’ll both do just fine at next week’s competition, I know it.” He grinned and Ilya grinned happily in return.

 

Yuuri smiled too and placed a hand on Ilya’s other shoulder, “Your Papa’s right. We’ll be cheering for you both… But for now, it’s time for me to start fixing dinner. Any requests?”

 

Ilya grinned as he uttered the words, “Katsudon, please Dad?”

 

Yuuri flashed a grin, “Alright then, three bowls of Yutopia-Katsuki’s famous Katsudon coming right up!”

 

————————————

 

It was the night of the competition and Victor and Yuuri were currently backstage as they prepared Ilya to go onstage. Yuuri was busy making sure his cerulean hair wasn’t sticking up in any odd angles at the back while Victor made sure his all black ensemble was straightened and absolutely impeccable in appearance. Ilya huffed in annoyance and tapped his foot impatiently. “You know you’re not gonna be able to actually watch us perform if you stay back here,” he complained as he went through yet another round of inspection form his over-worrisome parents.

 

“I know,” Yuuri said, a note of worriedness still in his voice as he did another once-over.

 

The sharp click of dancing slippers drew all three of them out of their haze as Flip came towards them in her dancing dress. It was a beautiful shade of silvery lilac with silken fabric that caught the light like stars as it draped itself across her slim figure. It seemed to be held up by only the silvery belt in the middle and the silver chains adorning it. Somehow even though the look was so risqué it looked so elegant as it hugged her in all the right places, making her shine like the star she was. “Alright, Oji-san, Dyadushka, let me se my metelya.” she waved them aside and fixed Ilya’s collar, and he blushed a little at the intimate gesture. Victor and Yuuri elbowed each other as they watched this exchange. She turned back to them, a big happy smile on her face and her dark charcoal brown hair in curls bounced behind her as she said, “He’s in good hands, I promise…”

 

Both Yuur and Victor nodded their agreement and both gave her and Ilya kisses on the cheek that they returned. “Good luck,” they whispered in their ears.

 

Flip gave them eyes full of hope as they left and found their seats. Yuuko smiled as she sat with Takeshi and the triplets and their consecutive partners, “I thought you were going to be late… Seems like you two are late to everything…”

 

Yuuri rolled his eyes as he sat beside her, putting Victor on the end, holding the camera with as steady of a hand as he could. Soon enough as the couple onstage finished dancing and the audience stopped clapping he heard the announcer say in a clear, perhaps too excited voice, “Now, put your hands together for these two outstanding young people! This couple made a bold choice with their style of dance, choosing to present us with no doubt a beautifully choreographed Bolero. Representing the Saga Academy of Dance we have here tonight Ilya Katsuki-Nikiforov and Flip Nishigori!”

 

The audience erupted into applause as the lights rose to a slightly dimmed setting. The music started lowly and Victor recognized it from a CD of famous Italian pieces he’d been ruffling through when he was still in the process of choreographing the piece that would eventually become Stammi Vicino. It was a song called “Se” from Cinema Paradiso, but this was a different version from the one that Victor had at home, where Ilya must have ran across it one day. This version had a young female singing it, her voice was very clear and her dictation was lovely.

 

Before she started singing though, Ilya had walked Flip around the stage as if the two of them were on a date, both of them slowly falling to position as the singer on the cd started to sing. He moved her across the stage, and she made slow, exaggerated movements as she moved to dance away from him. She moved around him, her hips making slow circles as did her body as if she was flirting with him through dance, and he followed her every movement until they eventually fell together, him moving her around, dancing around her. She responded to this by reaching out for him, her every movement exaggerated with astonishing detail to show how very desperate for him she was. The palpable passion between the two of them was so very warm that Victor could swear he saw embers burning in each of their eyes as they met from time to time throughout the dance. Victor didn't need to understand Italian to know what this song was about. The love these two dancers told the whole story, plain to see. Love. Finally, at the climax of the piece he reached around her and lifted her into the air, their dancing around each other ceased and they danced as one, becoming fused together, one being in both heart and soul. As the music rose and fell for one last theatrical thrall he flipped her around, so they danced with her back pressed up against his chest, and she reached up to caress his cheek quickly before he twirled her out again and back in, swaying her back and forth slowly. As the music faded he reached his hand down her arm slowly, pulling her hand back up to his cheek with his own and holding it there as they ended.

 

The audience erupted into applause as they bowed. The entire row of Katsuki-Nikiforovs and Nishogoris stood up as fast as they could, Victor yelling, “That’s my boy!”

 

Ilya blushed bright red as he heard him, and caught his eyes with embarrassed anger, but even that wasn’t overshadowed by the immense amount of relief and gratitude he held behind them. He held Flip’s hand in his triumphantly as he waited for their scores. 39.6! Almost a perfect score. They’d be hard to beat with a score like that. They bowed again and Yuuri whistled as they left the stage.

 

Victor whispered in his husband’s ear, “I’m gonna go get them,” as he left the seat.

 

Yuuri nodded and gave him a quick kiss, “Just be careful.”

 

As Victor rounded the corner to the backstage where they would be he heard Flip squeal in happiness. He hid himself behind one of the many stage curtains as he watched her fling her hands around Ilya’s neck, hugging him very tightly.

 

“We did so good! You did so good!” She exclaimed excitedly and Ilya rubbed her back comfortingly.

 

“Shhh, _Snezinka_ the whole auditorium will hear you…” he chuckled lowly, swaying them a little.

 

She shook her head as she pulled back a little, “So?” she asked, her voice still full of enthusiasm. “Let the whole world hear how proud I am of us! How proud I am of _you, Metelya_ ,” She blushed as she said that last bit and they stared into each other’s eyes for a second before finally they both closed the distance between each other, sharing a quick, yet passionate kiss.

 

Ilya smiled and leaned his head on hers as they broke apart. “Thank you, _Snezinka_ …” he said lowly as he held her tenderly. “I won’t forget that. Not for as long as I live.”

 

She chuckled a little at that. “You better not ever forget me, Ilya Katsuki-Nikiforov.” she said in a playful tone, but it turned serious as she said the next part, her eyes growing a little pained. “No matter where life takes us, never forget that, now and always, your Snowflake will always need her Snowstorm.”

 

He held her even tighter, pulling her closer, and whispering something in her ear that Victor could only read as a simple, “Never.”

 

Even years after this short exchange, Victor never told the two of them that he’d seen this small intimate moment. To him this was a moment meant for the two of them. All the pain, the longing, the utter love between the two of them, it was meant for only them. To break it would be to break them. And considering what was to come in only two short years, Victor still couldn’t be sure whether that was the right choice or not.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Vocabulary:
> 
> Tadai Ma ~ (Japanese) I'm Home


	19. Chapter Seventeen: A Prayer for Hope

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Victor and Yuuri face the latest obstacle in their relationship. Will they be able to handle it, or will they give in to the pressure put on them coming from all directions?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! I'm so sorry that this is so late, I hope you haven't given up on me just yet! I had pile after pile of homework and people that came in to visit so I've been with them, plus this chapter was just really difficult to write and PLEASE DON'T KILL ME! 
> 
> ~ Song for this chapter is "You're Beautiful" by James Blunt

# Forever & Always

### Chapter Seventeen: A Prayer for Hope

Victor checked his phone one more time, nervously as he peered out the window at the setting sun. It was setting so much faster than normal today, and he couldn’t help himself for routinely checking out the window to look at the people entering the apartment building, and his phone as the world outside grew progressively darker with each passing moment. His free hand made impatient little taps on his leg as he read the messages silently to himself for the umpteenth time, hoping something, anything would pop up on his screen and put an end to the rapid racing of his heartbeat against time. The little blue and gray bubbles appeared on his screen in this order:

 

**Ilya:** _Hey Papa, I’ll be a little late tonight, so don’t worry too much._  
 _The set’s taking a little longer than usual to build, so I have to stay and supervise everything._

**Me:** _Okay, Ilyusha. I’ll tell your Dad and we’ll postpone dinner until you get home._  
 _Did you make sure you have your jacket? It’s a bit chilly today and getting sick’s the last thing you need._

**Ilya:** _Yes, Papa. I have my jacket. I told you not to worry, okay?_  
 _I’ll be home before sunset, so see you then. I love you! Dad too!_

**Me:** _Alright then! Sorry, you know I can’t help it._  
 _Worrying is in my nature! Just be careful, okay? We love you too!_

**Ilya:** _Okay I will! Bye!_

**Me:** _Bye!_

 

It was Ilya’s senior year of what would normally be considered “High School” for most teens. However, being a top student at a dance academy meant that Ilya was not studying for any college entrance exams. Instead, as he was already accepted to continue to study dance at the academy with their collegiate level company, he was not only given a solo piece in the senior showcase, but also put completely in charge of his own entourage of lowerclassmen whom he was going to choreograph a dance number for, and was stuck many evenings late after classes had ended, either choreographing and running rehearsal or supervising the construction of the galaxy themed set he had designed for the show. Tonight it was the latter, and even though he had explicitly told Victor not to worry about him, he couldn’t help himself for feeling the familiar tug of anxiousness pull at his heartstrings.

 

“You’re staring at your phone again, aren’t you?” Yuuri said in a low voice as he wrapped his arms around him from behind, nestling his head in the crook of Victor’s neck affectionately.

 

Victor sighed happily at this gesture and leaned back into his husband, returning his love as he relplied, “You know me Zolotse, I can’t help but worry when he doesn’t get home until late. I know Japan is a relatively safe country, but I still worry about him. What if something happens to him?”

 

Yuuri nodded into his shoulder and sighed in desperation, “I know you do. But we can’t watch out for him forever, you know?” he turned to look out at the sunset and used one hand to gently swat Victor’s phone down. “He’s 18 now, and we can’t keep smothering him if we want him to have a chance to grow up. I know it’s hard, but if he says he’ll be fine, you just have to trust him. He’s old enough to make his own decisions, and soon he’ll be out own his own anyways. Then it’ll be just us two again…” He smiled, a bittersweet emotion playing across his face as he uttered those last words.

 

Victor shifted, putting the phone down and took his husband in his arms, embracing him tightly as he dared and burying his face in his shoulder as he murmured in his ear, “I love you. You know that?”

 

Yuuri nodded his head in agreement and ran his fingers rhythmically up and down Victor’s back as he returned his favor in a voice so quiet Victor barely heard it, “I love you too.”

 

He felt Yuuri’s shoulders start to shake ever so slightly as he held him, and pulled back just enough to mumble a soft, “hey…” and kiss him tenderly on the lips. Yuuri responded immediately by pulling him closer, passionately returning his kiss, deepening it a little. When they finally pulled apart, Yuuri chuckled a little and wiped the small tears from his cheeks.

 

“What was that for?” he giggled a little, the sound resembling a toddler almost and Victor smiled back at him as he beamed, his smile almost blindingly bright.

 

Victor pulled him in again and started gently covering his face in small, pecking kisses as he continued laughing. When he was finally satisfied with his work he pulled back up to smile down on him again. “We’re gonna be okay. Nothing is going to happen to either of us for a very long time. We may be getting old, but I know there’s a lot more fight left in both of us, so you’d better quit thinking about death so soon. We’ve got years ahead of us, and I plan on spending every happy moment of my retirement with you by my side. If you want, I’ll even put two rockers right here by this window so we can watch the sunset every night, holding hands.” Yuuri laughed at that but nodded a little. “I’m not going anywhere,” he put his husband’s hand over his heart with his own. “You know that I’d fight and die for you, but now I guess I’ll add fight to stay with you to that list as well because as long as this heart is still beating I’m still here with you, and I can promise that I’ll be with you even long after. So don’t go filling your head with things that will make you worry. You remember the promise you made to me in your vows? Well I plan on making sure you keep it, so you better plan on sticking around for a long time too. I don’t know if I could live without you…” he brought Yuuri’s hand up to his lips, where he gently kissed the fingers.

 

Yuuri nodded at this, “I remember, and I won’t leave you either.” He smiled lovingly back up at Victor. “I guess ever since Dad died I’ve been on edge. I don’t want to lose anyone else. Especially not you or Ilya.”

 

Victor frowned at that thought as he remembered Toshiya’s long struggle towards death. He’d had heart disease, and had known it for a long while, but hadn’t been able to fight it enough to escape the heart attack that racked him with agonizing pain last May and eventually killed him. It wasn’t until late that they realized this was a hereditary strain of the epidemic and Victor would never get over the image of Toshiya holding onto Yuuri’s hand with as much strength as he could muster as he pleaded with him, telling him that even if it was too late for him, that at least Yuuri still had some time left, that Yuuri should spend as much time with his family as possible, try to start fighting it sooner, but, most importantly that he should cherish his family because at any moment he could end up like his father. Victor knew this thought in particular stuck with him and he could see it in his face now. Yuuri was trying his best not to cry because he knew that even though Victor was older than him, it was a very real possibility that Yuuri could die before him, and Victor knew that was the last thing he wanted. If that were the case Yuuri would be racked with guilt during his last moments on earth, at least in this state of mind. The thing Yuuri was hiding behind his ember eyes was guilt and fear. For the first time in his life he’d been forced to accept the death of someone close to him, and Victor knew he was absolutely terrified for it to happen again. “Hey,” he smiled gently down on Yuuri, “You’re not going to lose either of us. We’re going to be right here with you no matter what. And we both love you very much.” He planted a kiss on the tip of Yuuri’s nose, “Now, speaking of Ilya, don’t you think we should start whipping up dinner for him? He’ll be home any time now, and,” he smirked, “Even if he isn’t hungry, I can promise you I am. So we’d better get cracking before I start to gnaw at the chrome on the faucets….”

 

Yuuri laughed, “And break those precious pearly whites you work so hard to keep? As if!” He shook his head as he made his way into the kitchen and started pulling out the various things they’d need to make dinner. “If there’s one thing that never changes about you,” he said in between deep breaths as he bent over, the sounds a testimony to the rampant arthritis he was beginning to have due to the leg injuries he’d sustained from all those heard ago, “it’s that you have never stopped being the Drama King of the family. High maintenance diva you are,” he grinned, “Now, why don’t you just sit down and let me prepare you a feast?” he held the frying pan in his hand out towards Victor seductively.

 

Victor blushed a little and stifled a chuckle when he heard the apartment phone ring, startling them so much that Yuuri accidentally dropped the frying pan and it hit the floor with a loud bang, which made them both jump again. Yuuri looked at Victor apologetically and Victor nodded at him. “Hey, it’s okay, you go answer the phone, I’ll clean it up. It’ll be easier for me to do so anyways, my legs won’t hurt.”

 

Yuuri nodded and mouthed an “I’m Sorry” before walking out of the kitchen and down the hall a ways to where the phone was, murmuring lowly in Japanese as he answered, so Victor couldn’t quite keep up with what he was saying. The only thing he caught was a “hello” at the beginning and several stressed sounding “What”s a few minutes into the conversation.

 

That didn’t matter much though, as he was already preoccupied with picking up the frying pan. After he had sat it on the counter beside the stove he made his way to the fridge and started gathering the necessary ingredients for stir-fry. He was laying out the chicken, peppers, and onions, and had the eggs in hand when Yuuri came back down the hallway, his face turned stony, features cold and almost frozen.

 

His eyes were completely dead as they bored into him and his voice sounded completely stoic and distant as he said in a low, matter-of-fact tone, “You might want to put those back, and bring money for take-out. We have to go to the hospital. Now.”

 

Victor dropped the eggs.

 

At least it wasn’t the frying pan.

 

——————

 

When they reached the ICU, Victor and Yuuri frantically ran up to the nurses’ desk, both pairs of eyes searching the small hallway for any sign of their son. Victor could practically feel his heart beating out of his chest as he thought he saw a tuft of cerulean hair sticking out from behind a mountain of pillows cradling a head with its face turned upwards toward the ceiling. Yuuri banged his fist on the desk in front of him, yelling overtop of all the bustling and beeping, “Where is he?! Where is my son?!”

 

The woman at the desk only briefly looked up from her computer screen and all the other beeping monitors screaming at her. “Name, please,” she asked, calmly, in a measured tone that barely hid the edge of agitation beneath it.

 

Victor stepped forward, “Katsuki-Nikiforov. Ilya Katsuki-Nikiforov. He was sent directly here from Saga Academy of Dance!” He gripped the desk in front of him as hard as he could, as if by just simply holding onto that slab of plastic he could hold his world together as it slowly fell apart with each passing second.

 

The nurse looked up at him again, gazing at him almost curiously, “What relation are you two to the patient? Are you blood relatives?”

 

Victor shook his head, “No we’re not exactly blood relatives, but we’re his parents. He was adopted as an infant and he has no other blood family. We’re all he has left, so please tell us where our son is.”

 

She nodded slowly as she took in the information he had given her, “Alright,” she sighed, pushing herself out of her chair and walked around the desk to stand in front of them. “Follow me this way. You two will need to tell other family members and friends that he can’t see anybody else until his condition is improved. He’s in a very crucial state right now, and even the slightest change could mean the difference between life and death.” She talked as she walked. “Have either of you been told what happened to him?” She glanced at them apprehensively.

 

Yuuri nodded a yes, but Victor shook his head, muttering a soft, “No…” which the nurse made a strange face at. That was strange, Yuuri wasn’t really one to keep secrets from Victor, especially about their son, and yet he hadn’t said a single thing to Victor at all about why their son was laying in a hospital bed on the verge of what could quite literally be death for the 18-year-old.

 

She narrowed her eyes and looked down at the clipboard she had in her hands, and Victor watched as her eyes moved across the page, trying hard as he could to glean any information. “It says here that the paramedics received the call at about 5:37 pm, which means he’s been here for about an hour and a half now. When he got here and we examined him we saw that he had evidence of a strong blow to the head, one that apparently sent him a few feet forward and knocked off his balance as he landed on his head as well. That much was obvious from the bruises on his broken nose and all around the forehead, so really he’s dealing with a serious double injury. The jars to the brain appear to have caused some swelling and induced a coma, out of which we have no idea when he’ll awaken…” she stopped by the room in which Victor had saw the cerulean hair from when he walked in earlier, and when he looked through the window to see his son he could barely force himself to look.

 

Ilya’s face was covered in deep purple bruises, and his head was wrapped in bandages. He lay with his face up towards the ceiling, his icy blue eyes shut, not even fluttering as they normally did when he slept, instead they looked almost as if their lids were glued together, as if they would never open again, which they very well might not. The rest of his body looked fine, and was covered underneath a thick, fuzzy white blanket, but the image in Victor’s mind of his son’s completely battered and beaten face, pointed towards the sky with his eyes showing no signs of life, he didn’t know if he could take it, how long he could stand to see his son like this, lying helplessly and motionless on the hospital bed, an empty shell. Because there were no signs of life in the boy that lay before him, separated only by a thin pane of glass, except for the small rhythmic beeps of a heart monitor and the gentle movement of his stomach as he breathed. There was no sense of person, nothing to identify this boy as his son, no smile, no ice blue eyes full of happiness and hope, no sound of laughter, nothing but a head full of cerulean hair that was matted with blood and wrapped in bandages. Ilya looked dead. His son looked dead. It took all Victor had in him not to start screaming right then and there as he white knuckled the windowsill, bringing his gaze back up to the nurse in front of him, asking in a weak voice as his husband went into the room, sat in a chair and took Ilya’s hand in his, he could see Yuuri’s shoulders shaking, “How did this happen?”

 

The nurse made a small, sympathetic sigh and a sad smile that Victor hated as she looked through the glass at Yuuri and Ilya, saying, “The only information we got was from the recording and testimonies of two extremely frightened 16-year-olds who claimed to be a part of his senior ensemble. You could barely make out what they were trying to say through all their suffocated sobs, poor things. They said that he was directing them on building a set for their performance two weeks from now, when he turned around to go check something on the schedule, to see if they were on track. Just as he turned around, two of the students were moving a long wooden plank, turning it around. Apparently they misjudged how close he was to the stage, and before they could warn him, they nailed him right in the back of the head with the plank, and pretty hard too, looking from the severe cuts and pieces of splintered wood he had in his scalp when he got here. They said he stumbled forward, trying to gain some traction to stop his fall, but either he was too off balance from the blow or too woozy because he just fell flat on his face again.” She sighed, sadly, as if her sadness and pity could somehow heal Ilya if she believed hard enough. “They said he wasn’t out at first, that he stayed awake for a few minutes, but wasn’t responsive for the most part. The only thing he managed to say before he finally fell unconscious was apparently ‘get my dads’ which now we know is you two lovely gentlemen.” she gestured between Yuuri’s back and Victor. “Look, I know what I said back then was pretty scary, and I probably should have said it in a kinder way, but I just wanted to impress upon you the seriousness of his condition. He was hit pretty hard, so he might wake up, he might not. He might even be able to still hear things, but there’s no way to tell that for sure, so just don’t give up on him, okay? He’s got a lot of things going against him, and he’s gonna need as much support as he can get now.” She put her hand on Victor’s shoulder reassuringly which Victor was pretty sure wasn’t protocol, but he was grateful for any kind of solace he could get in that moment.

 

He nodded back at her, and sucked his tears back inside himself, “Yes, ma’am,” he said quietly, placing his hand overtop hers, squeezing it gently in gratitude. “I’ll keep fighting. For all of us.”

 

She smiled back at him and removed her hand, walking back towards her desk, and waving as she said, “If you two need anything at all just come straight to me. These other nurses don’t know what they’re doing half the time, especially not if they’re working the night shift. All they like to do is sit around polishing their nails and gossiping about any interesting piece of information they can get their hands on. Lucky for you I hate nail polish, and I hate gossip even more, so I got your backs.” She winked as she sat down.

 

Victor cupped his hand over his mouth, smiling a little in return as he shouted back a quick, “Thank you!” and turned to go inside the room, taking the seat across from Yuuri. He looked up at his husband, but Yuuri refused to meet his eyes, his gaze staying fixed on the small hand in his own two. Even as tears streamed down his cheeks he made no move to wipe them, instead letting them drip onto the blanket in front of him like a melancholy drizzle. Victor moved to reach across the bed and wipe them for him, but he only moved his shoulder up, to cut him off coldly.

 

“Don’t touch me.” His voice was barely above a whisper and cracked halfway through the three worded sentence, but it held so much bitterness in it that Victor drew his hand back, shocked as Yuuri’s eyes met his, but there was no sense of his usual warmth that he normally held there for Victor. Instead, they were dead, cold, and hateful.

 

Taken aback, Victor cradled his hand awkwardly and sat back down in his chair, holding Yuuri’s glare with his own look of confusion. “What’s-” he started but Yuuri threw a hand up to silence him. The air around them was charged with electricity, the tension so thick it felt as if it would choke both of them.

 

“Don’t” Yuuri said, lowly, bringing his gaze back to their son’s hand, “Just don’t, please…” His voice faded off at the end of the phrase, as if he was begging Victor to stop talking because if he uttered another word then his world would fall apart. As if his brain couldn’t quite process what was happening, and one more push could send it over the edge into a frenzy.

 

Victor took the cue and decided to stare at his own hands, focusing himself on how they wrung each other in his lap, the fingers entangling and disentangling with each wave of nerves to pass through his body. He sat there for minutes in silence, maybe even hours, he’d lost count and Yuuri had fallen asleep in his chair for quite a while. He stood up from his chair, the legs making a loud scraping noise as they slid across the linoleum floor. Yuuri snapped his head back up at Victor at the disturbance, but Victor just sighed quietly and made a motion to the door, saying in the quietest voice he could muster, “I’m going to the cafeteria, would you like anything?”

 

Yuuri’s face softened a little, but his features still remained, for the most part, rigid. “Ramen, if they have any…” he drew back from Victor and further into himself with every word he spoke and the worst part was that Victor could hear it in every syllable.

 

He nodded and forced a smile as he put his hand on Yuuri’s shoulder and briefly kissed Yuuri’s head, not giving time for the touch to linger, “Okay. I’ll be back soon.” He looked out of the small window and noted to himself glibly that it was getting dark.

 

As he reached the door and propped it open he heard Yuuri say in a quiet voice, broken and full of agony, “You promised me. You promised we’d be okay and now this happens. Please, for my sake, don’t make anymore promises, Victor. Not if they’re going to turn out this way.” Victor felt his heart shatter under the weight of those words but Yuuri wouldn’t even look at him. He only kept his back turned to his husband, focused completely on their son as he repeated the words, this time more a whine, “You _promised_.”

 

Victor left the room, and walked brusquely to the nearest empty room, locking the door behind him and sliding to the floor, sobbing. Couldn’t Yuuri, didn’t anybody see he was hurting too? Did anybody care. In one of the most reckless decisions in his life he pulled out his phone and punched in a number he hadn’t called in decades yet he knew by heart, and when the person on the other line finally picked up, it was with a desperate voice he choked out the words in a silent plea, “Dad, _please_.”


	20. Chapter Eighteen: A New Beginning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Victor and Yuuri have a disagreement and Victor's parents decide to turn up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OH MY GOSH IM SO SORRY  
> LIKE SERIOUSLY  
> I HAVE NO WORDS  
> NO EXCUSES  
> SCHOOL WAS REALLY TOUGH THIS SEMESTER SO I HAD TO PUSH THIS BACK  
> BUT ITS BACK NOW  
> FOR REAL  
> ONCE A WEEK HOPEFULLY  
> I HOPE THIS CHAPTER IS AN ADEQUATE APOLOGY
> 
> Song for this Chapter is:  
> ~ "Please Don't Go" by Joel Adams

# Forever & Always

#    


### Chapter Eighteen: A New Beginning

  
It had been four days since Ilya had initially been admitted to the hospital with substantial head injuries, and things between Victor and Yuuri hadn’t been so good ever since. Yuuri had barely spoken a word to Victor, and he could feel him burying his feelings deep inside himself. The phone call to his aging parents hadn’t gone so well either. His father had only told him that he didn’t know why he had even called. It had been years since the last time they talked, and Victor couldn’t exactly say he blamed him for being angry at his son for calling home only when he needed something.

 

But that was just the thing. He _needed_ something, someone, anything that could possibly provide him with a lifeline, that could distract him from the immense agony he felt whenever he looked at Ilya’s frail body on that hospital bed, or when he saw the seething hatred that was beginning to settle behind Yuuri’s ember eyes. But there was nothing for him to hold onto. The only person he had ever counted on to be there for him had left him just as quickly as the snap of two fingers. He was surprised Yuuri hadn’t taken off his ring again, yet. It was only inevitable that he would.

 

As he slowly turned the key in the lock and opened the door to their apartment for the first time in those four days, he waited anxiously for Yuuri to say something, anything, but the only thing that stood between them was the ever growing electricity of silence. He sighed inwardly, his gaze falling to the floor in front of him as he followed his husband inside. Yuuri walked past him as he stopped in the kitchen to set the keys on the key-rack and he heard his footsteps fading away as they met with the carpet that lined the hallway to Ilya’s room. Victor smiled bitterly to himself as he thought about that carpet. He knew if he followed Yuuri back to the room, he’d see all the traces of Ilya that lay within those baby blue fibers. He’d see the way the fibers were worn down in the places those little feet had walked in the most. He’d see the frays within it, where Taiyo had come scrambling down that same hallway as fast as a bottle rocket whenever Ilya came home from school. Most apparent, he’d see the stains that were scattered all throughout the soft fabric, testaments of all the times their son had spilled something on his way back there, and that one stubborn brown splotch from where four year old Ilya had been sick with the stomach flu and hadn’t quite made it to the toilet fast enough before he’d thrown up. All these things once might have been seen in a negative way, but to Victor, now they were the only things in the world that held true evidence of his precious son’s life. The only evidence that their son was still with them even though he couldn’t be there physically anymore.

 

He had to cover his mouth with one of his hands to stifle the sobs as they came out of his mouth, choking him on the way out. He bent over the counter and held his head in his other hand as he allowed the tears to flow. What was he supposed to do now? He’d built his entire existence upon his love for Yuuri and their son, but now both of them had abandoned him. There was no chance he could go back home. There was nothing left for him in Russia but a few friends and a whole family of people who’d made it clear they didn’t want him anywhere near him.

 

His feet went on autopilot as they dragged him in the same direction that Yuuri had gone, and he soon found himself in the doorway of Ilya’s room, watching as Yuuri held one of Ilya’s jackets and sobbed like he had been doing only seconds before. It felt wrong, watching his husband in this vulnerable state when he didn’t know, so he cleared his throat gently before slowly moving to sit on Ilya’s bed.

 

Yuuri snapped his head up, surprised, and glared at him through the tears as he watched him enter the room. He held the jacket closer to him and scooted away from Victor a little as he sat down beside him.

 

Victor raised his hands in surrender, “I’m not here to disturb you, or to make you feel any worse than you already do,” he said carefully. “I was just coming to check on you, to see if you’re okay and to ask if you wanted to talk about it.”

 

“What is there to talk about, Victor?” Yuuri said in a cold voice as he wiped at his nose with one of his fists. “You honestly want to have a heart to heart with me about the fact that our son is dying? You wanna talk about the fact that we can’t do anything about it, about the fact that maybe if we, if I’d done something different then that innocent child wouldn’t be laying there on that bed in a coma he might never wake up from? Because there’s really not much more to say than that, honestly. Don’t play games with my emotions Victor, I can’t take it anymore. You know you’re just as guilty as I am, so don’t put this all on me.”

 

Victor was taken aback by this sudden outburst of anger from the normally quiet, peaceful man in front of him. “Yuuri,” he breathed the word slowly, “I don’t pretend to know why you’re thinking this way, but you can’t blame yourself for this. You couldn’t have known when he walked out of the door that day that he wouldn’t come home. And even if you had been there, you couldn’t have stopped that board from hitting him. At the most, you’d only end up getting yourself hurt or even killed.”

 

“And that’s a bad thing?!” Yuuri yelled, turning to face him, his eyes filled with the bitter tears of anger and self hate.

 

“Yuuri…” Victor breathed his name in a voice full of love and hurt.

 

Yuuri shook his head, “Don’t you _Yuuri_ me!” he screeched, clutching the shirt in his grasp even tighter. “You know it’s true! You’re always trying to act like you care if I or Ilya die, and I know you do, but you have no right to make us keep on living while you know very well that if the situation arose, you’d willingly die for either of us with no regrets! Don’t you think that we, that _I’d_ miss you if you died?!” he wailed. “Don’t you know that you’re pretty much the only reason I’m alive right now?! That maybe, just maybe I might feel the same way? That I’d die for you or our son without even a second thought? You’re not the only person who’s capable of being noble in this family. So maybe don’t try to tell me what I can and can’t feel!”

 

Victor took a moment to breathe after Yuuri had finished. “I…” he started. “I-I… I didn’t mean it that way, I,” he cried, “I just don’t want you to think that everything is your fault. I wanted you to see that there wasn’t anything for you to be guilty about…”

 

Yuuri turned to look at him with a sad, knowing smile. “Oh, but there is. If I had never married you then none of this would ever have happened.”

 

Oh.

 

So there it was.

 

The evidence that Yuuri no longer loved him that Victor had been waiting for.

 

“I,” Victor said cautiously, “I don’t understand.”

 

Yuuri cleared his throat and repeated the sentence, slower this time, each word driving another nail into Victor’s heart. “If I’d never married you then none of this would have ever happened.” He paused for a moment, just long enough for Victor to hear his own heart crack into pieces and start to shatter. “If I’d just kept pretending, just a little bit longer, then maybe I’d never have walked out in front of that car the second time,” the man sobbed, “I could have gone on for maybe forever pretending to be happy, hell I almost had learned how to live without you if it weren’t for my stupid habit of writing those damn letters, but actually seeing you in front of me, pretending not to know me, not even showing that you cared, that’s what drove the final nail in my coffin. And for a second I wish you’d have just let me die because then I wouldn’t have to be here, all these years later, sitting on a twin sized bed, holding a jacket as if it was a lifeline wondering if my son is going to live or die, and wishing, praying that I could go back and try to prevent it. Because, face it Victor, if it weren’t for us that boy wouldn’t be in that hospital bed on life support.”

 

As the other man finally quieted down Victor felt it, something inside him broke, “Don’t you say that to me. Not here. Not now.” He said in a low voice that he tried to steady to hide the anger that lurked beneath it, but Yuuri only kept his gaze on the floor, refusing to acknowledge Victor’s presence anymore. “ _ **SORA!**_ ” he barked sharply, “ _Look_ at _me!_ ” Yuuri snapped his head back up, a vicious look in his tear-filled eyes, but Victor gathered all his strength and continued, falling to his knees in order to meet Yuuri’s gaze. “If you’d kept pretending, if I’d let you die, then you wouldn’t be the only victim of your self imposed solitude,”

 

Yuuri tried to turn away, but Victor caught his face with his hand, and gently brought it back to his own, trying his best to ignore the ice in the stare the other man was giving him.

 

“No, listen,” he interjected. “You were the only person I had left, you still are. You know that as well as I do. My parents probably still wish me dead, so I couldn’t have gone back there, and seeing anybody else, anybody familiar, just reminded me of you, and everything I’d been through without you, and trust me, _Zolotse_ , a life without you is not a life worth living for me. At best, if I’d never shredded those tickets and boarded that plane back to St. Petersburg, I give it maybe a year, two if you’re lucky and I would have followed right behind you.” He held onto Yuuri’s hands for dear life. “I never told you this, but every christmas, I relived that accident, and the thing that kept me going, even thought it drove me half insane, was the knowledge that you were okay, that you were alive and still kicking, still doing what you loved, even if you didn’t love me anymore. But if your life had ended that day, my light would have went out with it. And I’d have been nothing but an empty shell. I’d have died long before I got around to getting drunk enough to finally put a bullet through my own head.”

 

He took a breather, and noticed that the look on Yuuri’s face had softened a little, but Victor could tell it was only because he was thinking.

 

So he said the only thing he could think of in this moment, as he pulled Yuuri’s left hand to his lips and felt a slight bit of cold as he kissed the familiar flash of gold metal there,“You’re the only thing that kept me going, and that power lies only with you. It’s the sight of you, waking up beside me whether you’re blissfully still sleepy as you reach for a kiss after one of _those_ nights or still angry after a particularly bad fight, the way you look as the sunlight reflects the golden flecks in your eyes, how your eyes crinkle as you laugh and smear cool whip on my nose as we make a pancake feast, or even when I hear you sniffling and tears start to stream from those warm embers as we watch a sad movie. It’s the way that while we’re supposed to be watching Ilya perform, as incredible of a dancer he is, that I can’t take my eyes off you because the way your face lights up with that love of yours while watching him is the brightest sight of all, and it’s even in your eyes now as you look at me and you don’t see the man you love, but rather just the person who got you and Ilya into all this mess, and you’re probably right. But that doesn’t mean that you don’t love me and I don’t love you. It just means that this home, these eyes behind blue glasses are where life happened. And life, like love is messy. So, please, _Zvezda Moya_ , Do not keep blaming yourself, because I can’t take watching you beat yourself up, because every blow you deal yourself I feel a thousand times stronger.”

 

Yuuri paused for another moment, as if to take in all that he had heard, and Victor waited anxiously for his response. The man’s face never lifted, not a bit. His eyes still seemed distant, filled with the heavy weight and burden of his sadness, but there was something else there too. His facial expression was cold, but Victor could see the faintest twinge of a blush in his cheeks as tears continued to stream down them. Finally, after several agonizing moments of silence, Yuuri made a slightly determined face and reached down and gently pecked Victor on the lips. It didn’t last very long, but it was just long enough, just warm enough, just tender enough for Victor to tell that the love was still there. Those same lips then parted to say, in a stone cold voice. “Look, I’m not going to promise you anything with what’s going on, but I want you to know that I don’t regret loving you, and I could never regret all the happy moments we had together,” his ember eyes flashed with emotion, “but right now I don’t have the energy or the brainpower to process this, whatever it is between us. I can barely handle Ilya and the position he’s in. I love you Victor, and I’m not going anywhere, but I need time, I need space so I can try to think and figure this all out.” There was another pause before Yuuri uttered those heart shattering words. “That’s why I think it would be best if I go and stay with mom for a few days, a week at least. It’ll give me what I need to process everything, so that when I come back I can be the man who can support you properly through this. Everything here just screams at me and reminds me even more of the problems going through my head, and I just can’t take the constant cycle of self blame and regret that I don’t really mean that never seems to stop.”

 

Victor wanted everything to stop right then and there. He wanted to scream from the rooftops that he could protect Yuuri from these constant battles that raged through his head, but even he knew better than to think that way. Yuuri’s anxiety had always gotten the better of him, especially in cases like this, and even he couldn’t blame Yuuri for wanting to get away from this apartment, from him, from everything that reminded him of the life and the child he was about to lose, so he choked back every single opposition he could think of and forced himself to nod and smile reassuringly and hoped his words didn’t sound too forced as he said, “I understand.”

 

A wave of relief washed over Yuuri’s face and for that fraction of a second, Victor knew in his heart that it would all be worth it, all the pain that he would have to endure, once again abandoned, all alone in an apartment the two had shared. The brief moment that had just happened, Victor had thought that it might actually be possible for him to smile again, and to see that smile again, it would all seem to fade away.

 

Yuuri’s face relaxed and he took Victor in his arms, holding him there for a while as the two sobbed. “Thank you for understanding.” Yuuri breathed. “I promise I’ll be back before you know it.”

 

Victor nodded, hugging the man as tightly as he dared. “Don’t worry about it, You just worry about getting better. Ilya’s gonna need both of his Papas to be there when he wakes up, right?” He pulled back and for a second, Yuuri actually smiled, a small fraction of a smile as he struggled to make a laugh that came out more like a choking sound while he futilely wiped at his eyes with his sleeve and sniffled. He smiled warmly down on his husband and pressed a small kiss to his temple as he murmured, “I’ll help you pack.”

 

————————————-

 

It was the next morning and the air had a slight chill to it as Victor was parked outside Yutopia Katsuki, still completely run by the Katsuki family, although Mari and her Husband and their two children, Takuto and Ayano were in charge of keeping it up and running these days. Mari had been taking care of her mother ever since Toshiya died, and when Yuuri had called asking for temporary lodging, she had been more than happy to take him in as long as he wanted. His arms felt a familiar ache as he struggled with the red duffle bag, pulling it out of the car and placing it on the ground at Yuuri’s feet.

 

“That’s about it,” he said, looking at his husband lovingly. “Are you sure you’re all set, you don’t need anything?”

 

Yuuri returned the look and wrapped his arms around Victor’s neck. “No,” he said confidently, but whispered in Victor’s ear. “Don’t worry. It won’t be long. I’ll come back to you _anata_.” And pressed a warm kiss to Victor’s cheek.

 

Victor smiled at those words, and pressed another kiss to the man’s temple in return. “I know, I love you.” He bent down and kissed his husband for what he felt would be the last time.

 

“I love you too,” Yuuri responded as they broke apart and bent over and picked up his bag and turned his back to go inside.

 

And it was in that moment that Victor Nikiforov watched Yuuri Katsuki walk out of his life for the third time. This time, willingly.

 

———————-

 

The ride to the hospital was a lonely one, but he wasn’t completely alone as he sang along to the radio with what songs he knew. He was trying to distract himself from the complete shitstorm he knew was about to happen when he saw the doors to the ICU open.

 

At precisely 4:16 PM Japan Standard Time the doors to the ward opened and in poured Mikhail Nikiforov and Inessa Nikiforova and what looked like a significant amount of their luggage. Victor stood up and walked over to greet his parents, hoping they’d at least spare him a scene at the hospital. If there was one thing he couldn’t take at this moment it would be not being able to see his son, so getting kicked out was not an option.  
As they neared him he was able to get a better look at them, and had to physically restrain himself from gasping. Mikhail’s trademark russet brown hair and beard had both grown grey and scraggly, and he now wore glasses and in the green irises behind them Victor could see the tiny white dots of cataracts. He walked somewhat laboriously, relying heavily on his cane, indicating that he probably needed a walker but was fighting it. That strong build of his had almost completely turned to mush that sagged off of his frame as he made his way towards his son. But perhaps the worse of the two of them was Inessa, who, even though her beauty still shined through, had become almost unrecognizable. Her face had sunken in quite a bit, and her blue eyes had lost their usual brightness. Her once silver platinum hair like his own had completely ran white and her thin frail figure was sat gracefully in a wheelchair that she pushed herself with the wheels. But perhaps the most shocking was the massive oxygen tank attached to the back that she was hooked up to with that too familiar clear hose. They both looked like Hell,  


“Hello Father, Mother,” he nodded politely at both of them, but Mikhail waved him off.

 

“Don’t start with that formal stuff now,” he interjected. “We haven’t spoken in 14 years until a few days ago and I don’t want to hear it now.” The old man huffed as he came to a stop at the doorway to Ilya’s room, where Victor had stood to greet them.

 

Inessa gave a small smile, trying to encourage her son a little and Victor nervously cleared his throat and continued. “What’s going on Mom?” he asked, bending down to her level. “What’s with the air hose?” he tried to playfully joke, and thankfully she smiled a little more at that, but before she could even open her mouth to answer, Mikhail answered for her.

 

“She’s got Lung Cancer, Vitya, a very serious case of it too. Only months to live, two exactly, that’s why I insisted this better be important. There’s nothing more they can do for her and I don’t want to put her out of comfort. I didn’t even want to come here in the first place but she insisted. So there you have it, you selfish Bastard, I drug your dying mother all the way here from Moscow just to see a grandchild she’s never even known. So I hope you enjoy it, watching her like this, because this is what you’ve done to her.”

 

Victor had to seriously bite his tongue to keep from saying the words he wanted to, but he only managed to keep them back for a few seconds before they were spilling out of his mouth before he could stop them. “Don’t you even try to blame me for this, Father,” he spat, venom in his voice as he choked on his own tears, clutching onto his mother’s hand for the first time in years. “We both know you’re the only one in the house that smokes, and that exposure to secondhand smoke is just as much of a risk factor for Lung Cancer than regular smoke. And yet you do it all the damn time!” he finished in a cold tone. “ _You_ and your habits caused this. It should’ve been you!” He growled, but calmed down a little when he saw the way his mother was frowning.

 

Mikhail only chuckled, a low sickly sound, “Oh, I wish it was.” He said as he walked into the door and plopped in a chair at Ilya’s bedside, shaking his head and muttering something that Victor only caught the word “ungrateful” from.

 

He held onto his mother’s hand as the door closed again and he stared through the window at his Father and his son in the same room together, wondering what he had done wrong to end up like this. Suddenly he felt his hand being brought up a little and felt the soft brush of his mother’s lips on the back of his hand as she squeezed it reassuringly with all the strength she could manage.

 

When he looked down on her in surprise she only smiled back up at him and said the first words she’d spoken to him in over 20 years in a strained voice, “He’ll get better, _Solnyshko_. You just wait and see. Wait and see.”

 

And Victor stood still and went back to watching his father and his son.

 

Because for a moment,

 

he wondered which one she’d meant.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sora! (Japanese) ~ HERE!


	21. Chapter Nineteen: A Broken Family

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Victor and his family get off to a rough start.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for taking so long, I was on vacation and didn't write until this week. Perhaps I should have waited to make my comeback. Haha... *Evil Laughter*
> 
> ~Song for this chapter is "Brother" by SayWeCanFly
> 
> Link for [Oy, Da Ne Vecher](https://youtu.be/OZ8UraZS5mE) if you wanna hear it.

The next morning was ironically bright despite Victor’s spectacularly bad mood. He squinted as he peeled back the curtains from the window in the living room, the sudden burst of light feeling so wrong and out of place in the world Victor was currently living in.

 

“ _Gospodi_ , Victor!” his father exclaimed as the light assaulted his own eyes. “Close those drapes again before you fry what’s left of my eyesight. I have to be able to see to take care of your mother, you know. Her oxygen tank isn’t going to change itself now is it?”

 

Victor clenched his fist at his side and chuckled lowly to himself, closing the drapes again as he was asked to, saying, “You never really could stand the better things in life, could you Papa? The light burns your cold dead heart, or at least what’s left of it.”

 

“ _Vitya!_ ” his mother snapped before his father had the chance to get angry, giving Victor a look full of disappointment and it tugged at his heartstrings.

 

 _I_ _t’s okay Mama, I’m sure I’ve only disappointed you pretty much most of my life. You shouldn’t worry yourself with me now._ He thought to himself, choking back tears that threatened to overtake him just as they had so often done in these past days. They flowed so much easier now, even the slightest provocation could send him into a bawling mess. But still he fought it, just as he had always done. Knowing he had to be the strong one here. It was a sad thought to him that here, in front of his parents, a place where he should feel the safest was a place where he felt he needed to hide himself the most. That instead of falling into his mother’s arms crying like he so very badly wanted to he could only draw further inside himself until all his emotions disappeared.

 

His father plopped himself on the couch and proceeded to look at the paper, disregarding it was in Japanese, trying desperately to bury himself in anything rather than face his son. “So we’re already starting with that behavior are we? You’ve always been such a child, Victor Mikhailovich,” he muttered, the paper making a slight rustle as he turned the page.

 

So they were down to patronymics now. That stung.

 

“ _I’m the child?!_ ” he yelled a little louder than he meant to and his mother flinched. His father only glanced from him to his mother and shrugged. “I’m not the one who shut my son out because I didn’t agree with their sexuality and their inability to be home at times because of their career. While you were home in Pushkin doing God knows what, I was out in the world making a name for myself. And when my sister died, you didn’t even call me except to ask if I was coming to a funeral!” he screeched, the tears overtaking him. “Do you know how scarring that was?! I didn’t even know she’d been hurt! And when I told you that I didn’t think I could make it home in time you completely disowned me then and there! You probably would’ve done the same with Mom if I hadn’t called about Ilya! Why, Papa?! _You didn’t even try!_ It’s like you’d been waiting for the chance to shut me out, act as if I never existed. Face it, because of your own selfish hatred of one part of me, I’ve been an orphan since I was nineteen!”

 

His mother moved to hold his hand but Mikhail started yelling back, and she jumped, putting her hand back in her lap, stifling tears of her own.  
“You dare speak to me like that, you insolent child!” Mikhail Nikiforov bellowed. “I’ve laid down so much for you in your pathetic life and yet all you see is your pain. Well suck it up buttercup, we all deal with pain. Ask your mother as she’s in that wheelchair, living with lungs that could literally collapse at any moment. Ask your little sister as she fell and hit her head on that patch of ice, skating because she missed you. Ask that husband of yours as he threw himself in front of that car for the second time, trying to escape all the agony loving you caused him. Or better yet, ask that poor child on life support, dying away slowly because you don’t have the compassion to just _let him die._ ”

 

Victor reached out and slapped the man as hard as he could across the face, and then rubbed his stinging hand.

 

Mikhail didn’t even flinch, only pressed his hand to the wound on his face, grinning smugly. “Finally, your true colors show, you selfish child.” he muttered. “You want to know why I didn’t tell you about your mother’s illness? Why I didn’t want her coming all the way here from Pushkin?!” He yelled again. “It was because I didn’t want her to have to endure this pain. Look at her Vitya, she’s tired. Seeing us bicker and fight isn’t gonna do her any good. It’s just going to make her feel even worse than she already does. I know she wants to see the little rat before he dies or whatever, but excuse me for wanting her to be happy in her last moments instead of thinking about all the things she could have done different.” An emotion flashed in Mikhail’s eyes but he was quick to hide it, looking down and focusing on Inessa, who’d been silent this whole time.

 

She only sighed heavily and shook her head, her lips forming a small, not at all convincing smile. “I am happy, _Luchik_.” She wheeled over to where she could hold both of their hands in hers, grasping them tightly in her hands, and Victor was still taken aback by how he could so clearly feel the bones underneath her skin, which hung off of them like leather on a rack. “I am right where I want to be, here with the two men I love most in the world, and that is more than I ever thought I would get before I die, so thank you. If it weren’t for you both I wouldn’t be here right now. I’m happier than I have been in years to have us all together again. It isn’t going to be easy, but I have faith. I know we can learn to pick up the pieces in time. We just have to work together. The love of a family isn’t something that can simply fade so fast and I know you both feel it in yourselves. If you want to make me happy, just promise me you’ll try, _Moya Lyubov_. Promise me you’ll try.

 

Mikhail and Victor locked eyes for a minute, Victor could tell neither of them knew just how well this was going to work, but they both knew they had to try.

 

Victor was the first to answer his mother’s plea, not breaking his father’s gaze as he squeezed his mother’s hand and said firmly, “I promise.”

 

Mikhail looked at Inessa, a deep underlying emotion swimming in his eyes as he repeated after his son, squeezing his wife’s hand as tightly as he dared, as if she was the thing tying him to earth in that moment. “ _Obeshchayu._ ”

 

And in that moment Victor realized he’d witnessed something he hadn’t seen since he was 19 years old.  
For in that moment, the emotion in his father’s eyes was love.

 

————————

 

The drive to the hospital was a solemn one, silent and heavy with the weight of the words Victor and his family had just exchanged. He knew that for the rest of the time they were here things would be infinitely harder, because he and his father would have to pretend to get along. But if his father was willing to actually try, so was he.

 

When they reached the ICU Yuuri was already there and sitting by Ilya’s bedside, holding one of his small hands in his own. As Victor and his parents approached the doorway he stood up, brushing his pants off and making his way over to meet them. “Goodmorning, Mr. and Mrs. Nikiforov. It’s nice to meet you again.” He said from a deep bow.

 

Mikhail grumbled, “There’s no need for formalities,” as he brushed past him and made his way into the room where Ilya lay, sitting in an empty chair.

 

Yuuri gave a worried look after him as he rose from his bow, but Inessa reached forward and grabbed one of his hands, bending her own neck downwards in the deepest bow she could make, taking both Victor and Yuuri completely by surprise. “ _Hajimemashite. Arigatou, Yuuri-san_ ,” she said, and both Victor and Yuuri gasped.

 

“ _H-Hajimemashite…_ ” Yuuri mumbled again under his breath in shock. “But you don’t have to thank me for anything.”

 

Inessa smiled as she rose from her bow. “That’s where you’re wrong, Yurasha. If it weren’t for you, I don’t even know if I’d have a son today. I know you helped him, loved him, even when he couldn’t love himself. And that is a debt I’ll never be able to repay. I do hope you’ll forgive me for being so distant until now, it wasn’t of my own doing. Mikhail has a fiery heart, and I do what I can to try and not let it consume him, no matter how much that hurts me,” she looked at Victor with pain filled eyes. “But now, being here, there was no way I could stay away. I need to be with my grandchild, to tell him I love him even if he can’t hear me. Perhaps that’s selfish of me, but I just hoped that perhaps the one good thing I can do with my life before I die is make this all right.” She smiled, genuinely and brightly, despite the fact that Victor could see there were tears in her eyes.

 

Yuuri fell into a deep bow and kissed her hand out of love in respect. “You have my full acceptance of that apology, ma’am. You are most welcome here, and please do feel so. You have my deepest gratitude for coming all the way here to see our son, and I know if he could talk right now he’d say the same.”

 

She rested her other hand on the man’s head and ruffled his hair affectionately. “Thank you, child. You are most sweet. But, if you don’t mind, can I ask that you scoot over a little so that I may fit through the doorway so I can go see my grandson.”

 

Yuuri popped back up and moved over, his cheeks red and flushed with embarrassment, “O-of course! I’m sorry ma’am.”

 

“Don’t worry about it,” she chuckled a little as she made her way into the room.

 

After both his Parents were in the room, Yuuri and Victor turned away and began to walk down the hall together, interlacing their fingers and falling into the same rhythm as always.

 

“Why didn’t you telling me they were coming in?” Yuuri asked as they walked. “You haven’t spoken to them in years and all of the sudden they’re here now. I should be at home helping you, not with my mom and sister hiding from my own problems.”

 

Victor smiled a little at that, same old Yuuri worrying about things he couldn’t change, and giving all of his heart without a second thought to it all. “That is exactly why I didn’t tell you,” he smiled. “You worry too much about everyone else’s problems and completely ignore your own. This week is supposed to be about you working on that, remember?” The way Yuuri looked now, so at ease with everything even though he must certainly be worried, that showed that the alone time with his family was doing good for him. Even if being alone with his own family would surely be the death of Victor. “Don’t worry, _Zolotse_. I’ve got it all covered. Plus I called them about a week ago and they didn’t respond until two days ago when you left and I knew that if I told you that you would have backed out and you needed this. So don’t feel bad for me, okay?”

 

Yuuri sighed and squeezed Victor’s hand reassuringly. “I’ll try not to, but you know me, worry wort. I can’t seem to help it,” he chuckled a little, the first time Yuuri had truly laughed since they heard the news. In that simple gesture, Victor knew that everything would be alright. If Yuuri could figure out how to be happy despite all the pain, so could he.

 

He stopped walking and wrapped his arms around his husband tightly in an embrace right then and there in the middle of the busy hospital hallway, and pressed a warm kiss to Yuuri’s forehead as he hugged him, choking back happy tears. “Everything will be alright, okay?”

 

“Okay,” Yuuri responded in the same tender voice, hugging Victor just as tightly.

 

They broke apart and continued walking down the hallway until they reached the elevator that brought them down. “Should we head back?” Victor asked.

 

Yuuri nodded his head, and at that instance the elevator doors opened and Flip walked out. She had pulled her dark hair into a ponytail and was in her sweats. Her eyes were puffy but bright, and she held a bouquet of mint roses. She looked like a train wreck yet she kept going.

 

“ _Oji-san, Dyadushka!_ ” She said, giving each of them a hug.

 

“Hey, Flip!” They both exclaimed and wrapped her in their embrace as well.

 

“On your way to see Ilya?” Yuuri asked.

 

She nodded, “Yes, I’ve been here off and on as much as I can. I just can’t leave him there alone. My poor _Metelya_ , he must be hurting.”

 

Victor smiled at that, she certainly was a lot like her mother. “Well at the moment my parents are with him, so be prepared for that. I know he’ll be happy you’re here though.”

 

She smiled back, “You’re too sweet, but don’t worry about me. I can take care of myself.” They all chuckled a little at that. “I’ll see you both when you get back to his room, okay?” She said before walking down the hallway towards Ilya’s room.

 

“Okay,” they sent her off.

 

They resumed their walk for a few minutes until a very confused Mikhail Nikiforov made his way towards them. “I’m trying to find the cafeteria, I want to get something for Inessa so she doesn’t get hungry” he stated plainly.

 

Victor and Yuuri exchanged a glance and Yuuri stepped away from Victor and towards his father, “I’ll show you. It’s just down here.” He said, leading the older man along with him.

 

Victor smiled at the small bit of peace between them. For once there wasn’t fighting and it felt so nice. He smiled the whole way back to the room, which he took in a slow walk, trying to relish in the peace.

 

As he reached the place where Ilya’s room was he heard two voices singing in Russian. The sound was soft and lilting and the music was solemn and lulling. It sounded as if the voices of two of angels had come to visit his son, and for a second he almost mistook it as his mother singing with Elena as they two used to do. It brought tears to his eyes.

 

He walked forward more and he recognized instantly the song they were singing, Oy da ne vecher, an old Russian folksong, and a lullaby that he used to sing to Ilya when he was a little boy. A song his mother used to sing to him.

 

“ _Oy, to ne vecher, to ne vecher,_                     Oh, what a night, what a night.  
_Mne malym-malo spalos’,_                             I’ve had scarcely any sleep, any sleep.  
_Mne malym-malo spalos’,_                             I’ve had scarcely any sleep, any sleep.  
_Oh, da vo sne prividelos’_ …                            And oh, I’ve dreamed of what’s to come.  
                                                                     I’ve had scarcely any sleep, any sleep.  
                                                                     And oh, I’ve dreamed of what’s to come.

 _Mne vo sne prividelos’,_                                 In my dream, I saw  
_Budto kon’ moy voronoi_                               As though my raven horse  
_Razygralsya, rasplyasalsya,_                           Was raging dancing,  
_Razrezvilsya podo mnoy._                              Brooding under me.  
                                                                    As though he was raging, dancing,  
                                                                    Brooding under me.

 _Naleteli vetry zlye_                                          Just as the mean winds descended,  
_So vostochnoi storony._                                  From the western side.  
_Oy, da sorvali chërnu shapku_                       Oh, well they tore off the black cap  
_S moy buynoi golovy._                                    From my brash head.  
                                                                    Oh, well they tore off the black cap  
                                                                    From my brash head.

 _A esaul dogadliv byl —_                                  Ah, but the Captain was sharp,  
_On sumel son moj razgadat’._                        He unriddled my dream.  
_"Oh, propadët, — on govoril,_                       Oh, he said, "your brash head  
_Tvoya buyna golova.”_                                    Will not fare well."  
                                                                   Oh, he said, "your brash head  
                                                                    Will not fare well."  
  
_Oy, to ne vecher, to ne vecher,_                    Oh, what a night, what a night.  
_Mne malym-malo spalos’,_                           I’ve had scarcely any sleep, any sleep.  
_Mne malym-malo spalos’,_                           I’ve had scarcely any sleep, any sleep.  
_Oh, da vo sne prividelos’…_                         And oh, I’ve dreamed of what’s to come.

  
_Oh, da vo sne prividelos’…_                         Oh, I’ve dreamed of what’s to come.  
_Oh, da vo sne prividelos’…_                         Oh, I’ve dreamed of what’s to come.”

 

When they’d finished he found himself clapping for them as he entered the room. “What a spectacular performance!” he said. “Gold medals to the both of you, angelic singers.”

 

Flip only laughed a little and blushed, waving him off.

 

His mother made a small bow and smiled with a knowing look in her eyes. “Thank you my dear, we thought a little lullaby might make him feel better.” she said, “Now, I must try and see where your father went. He’s taking entirely too long.” She smiled at the both of them as she left.

 

“How’d you learn that song?” Victor asked after his mom had left.

 

“Ilya oddly enough,” Flip said happily. “He’d hum it sometimes offhandedly while in rehearsal so I begged him to teach it to me. He’s the reason my Russian is as good as it is. Otherwise I wouldn’t be able to communicate with your parents so well.” she smiled, “Your mother is a wonderful woman.”

 

“Yes she is,” he agreed. For a moment there was nothing but silence, and he took in the surroundings, the beep of the life support machine his son was hooked up to, the small amount of color in his cheeks, the roses by his bedside, and the few get well cards on the walls that meant well, but he couldn’t even see their messages inside. Couldn’t feel their well wishes. Victor wasn’t sure his son could feel anything at all anymore. “How do you bear it?” he asked Flip. “The knowledge he might never come back to you? And stay so bright?”

 

She only made a small sad smile and reached over to put her hand on his shoulder. “I just do. He wouldn’t want me to be sad. But yet sometimes it feels unbearable. I wish I could scream at the world sometimes but I just keep going. I cry, and wipe my tears and keep moving forward.”

 

Victor returned her small smile, “You have it easy then. You can cry. You don’t have the wellbeing of several other people to worry about.” Already the tears were threatening to overtake him.

 

Flip wrapped him in her arms. “Whoever told you that you couldn’t cry?! If you feel sad don’t let anyone tell you you can’t cry. You cry as loudly and as long as you want, until you feel better. Because that’s what’s really important.” Her speech was peppered with sobs as they held onto each other and weeped. They wept for all the time they might lose, for all the pain they were going through, but mostly they wept for Ilya, and wished with all their might that he might return to them.

 

And that’s when they heard the coughs.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Vocabulary: 
> 
> Gospodi ~ (Russian) "God"
> 
> Luchik ~ (Russian) "My Sunbeam"
> 
> Obeshchayu ~ (Russian) "I promise"


	22. Chapter Twenty: A Fracture of the Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Complications with Ilya arise, and family situation gets a bit more complex.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know why this is drawing on for so long haha I honestly thought I'd be done in twenty chapters but apparently Victor and his family just aren't done throwing me for loops yet. 
> 
> Song for this chapter is ~ 
> 
> "Talk Me Down" by Troye Sivan

Coughing, rough, raspy desperate breathing.

 

Ilya’s hands shook from the violence in his chest as he desperately fought to keep breathing. “Ilya?!” Victor asked as he pulled away from Flip’s hug. “ _Ilya!!_ ” The heartbeat monitor went off the charts. He ran over to his son, who moaned a little, but his eyes never opened. His body just kept convulsing as it fought desperately to live.

 

Flip rushed over to Ilya’s side and gripped one of his hands, tears streaking down her face. “ _Metelya_ , can you hear me?”

 

But there was no answer. He only kept shaking.

 

Victor pressed the call button as fast as he could, screaming, “NURSE! GET A DOCTOR! SOMEBODY PLEASE HELP!!” But he couldn’t think rationally at that point anymore. The only thing going through Victor’s mind was the sound of the heart monitor going haywire, Ilya’s body shaking violently, and the sound of his son choking, as if some invisible force was trying to smother him.

 

Finally, after what felt like an eternity but had rather been only a minute the nurses came in to answer the call. When the first one saw what was going on with Ilya her face went white. “Call Dr. Maki! Katsuki-Nikiforov’s having a seizure!” She yelled down the hallway.

 

The other one immediately went to work, pushing buttons on a machine and messing with Ilya, but Victor couldn’t process what was going on. “What are you doing to him?!” he asked through his tears.

 

Another male nurse came in and started saying something to Flip, but Victor couldn’t hear anything over the sound of his own skyrocketing heartbeat. She nodded at the new nurse and wiped her eyes before placing the gentlest of kisses on Ilya’s hand before walking out of the room. Then the nurse made his way over to Victor, and he had to wave his hand over his face to elicit a response, which Victor only blinked as.

 

“Mr. Katsuki-Nikiforov, I’m afraid I’ll have to ask you to leave,” he said calmly, but everything just felt so wrong. Everything was rushing in Victor’s mind, going a mile a minute and he couldn’t keep up with it. The only thing he could feel was fear, yet this man in front of him, his eyes didn't have the slightest bit of concern in them.

 

“No,” he responded firmly. “I’m not leaving my son.”

 

The nurse frowned. “Please, Mr. Katsuki-Nikiforov, don’t make this harder than it has to be. We have to keep him stable, but in order to check everything we need the room clear. I understand you’re worried, but if you want to help your son you need to cooperate.”

 

What the nurse said made sense, but no matter how hard he tried to nod, or to make his feet obey and move along with it, he just couldn’t. All he could do was shake his head and mutter, “No… No, no, no, no, no!” And wipe his tears.

  
“It’s alright, Vitya,” He felt a hand on his shoulder from behind, guiding him out of the room, but he didn’t register it, all he could do was watch as the doctor and nurses crowded around his son as the door closed behind him. The person guided him to the chairs in the waiting room and sat him down in one of them. He bent over, holding his head in his hands, letting himself revel in all the pain as he cried. The voice spoke again, shushing and lulling him and they placed a small kiss on his forehead before walking away.

 

For thirty minutes he sat like that, crying at first, but then just numb to it all. Time passed around him, but he didn’t notice it. It didn’t feel real anymore, the room he was sat in, the fact that his son might be dying a little faster than he could handle, even himself. It all felt fictional. It couldn’t be, like this. He had to be in a bad dream. If he closed his eyes right now he could imagine it. He’d wake up back in St. Petersburg, with Yuuri in their old apartment, where they were meant to live all along. They’d be training with Yurio, he’d be preparing new programs for both him and Yuuri, and at night they’d fall asleep on top of each other on Victor’s chaise couch while watching Movies (in Russian of course, and Yuuri would laugh as Victor repeated every line to every movie in ridiculous accents even though he barely understood what was going on). Makkachin would still be alive, and thumping his tail as they prepared dinner, rings flashing in the light bright as ever, unscratched as if time had never passed. As if that accident had never happened. As if none of it had ever happened and Victor was the one in a coma instead. He almost wished for it.

 

When he opened his eyes he saw Yuuri there sitting across from him reading the newspaper intently, most likely trying to distract himself from it all. He couldn’t blame him. When he noticed Victor he put the paper down and a small, weak, sad smile formed on his face and he stood up, arms open.

 

Victor’s eyes welled up again and he immediately stood and folded his husband into his arms, both of them holding onto each other as tightly as they could as they wept.

 

“Oh, Vitya!” Yuuri cried into Victor’s shoulder, and he could feel Yuuri’s body shake with sobs.

 

Victor swayed them ever so slightly, and murmured in Yuuri’s ear, “shhhhhh… _Zolotse_ , it’s okay,” he tried to sound convincing, but he didn’t even believe it himself.

 

Yuuri sniffled, “No it’s not! He’s there on that bed and there’s nothing I can do! He almost died, he still could, and there wasn’t a thing I could’ve done!” he exclaimed. “What happened to us being able to protect him?! To the only thing that worried us was whether or not he’d pass his tests and advance to specialization? To when he’d come into our room red faced and puffy eyed and the only thing we’d have to do to fix it would be to kiss his little cheeks and dry his tears? Why can’t we help him anymore?” he wailed.

 

Victor didn’t know how to respond, or even if he could, so he just stood there holding Yuuri as they both cried and he ran his fingers through Yuuri’s hair, smoothing it to calm him down as he’d done so many times before, wondering all the same questions.

 

Then a nurse made her way towards them.

 

“Mr. and Mr. Katsuki-Nikiforov?” she asked and Victor held his breath as he nodded and awaited her answer. He held Yuuri close, already preparing for the worst. “Everything’s okay. We managed to get him stable, and he’s doing much better now. You can go and see him now if you want. He’s started slipping in and out of consciousness, so he might even be awake right now. He said the first people he wanted to see were you,” she smiled.

 

It felt as if he had been Atlas, and someone had come along and lifted the world off his shoulders, the relief that washed over him. Both he and Yuuri held onto each other, this time their tears were happy. “Thank you, thank you!” he shouted at the nurse, and she jumped a little at the sudden outburst but continued smiling as she walked away.

 

“Victor!” Yuuri called, shaking him, “Victor he’s okay!” A wide smile painted itself across Yuuri’s face.

 

“I know, _Zolotse_ ,” he beamed back, kissing his husband’s cheek. “Let’s go and see him.” Together they walked arm in arm to the room, and when they reached the door they found it slightly ajar. Yuuri opened the door and as they walked in they saw Ilya had been sat up and he was slightly awake. As he noticed his parents a small smile grew on his face.

 

“Hey guys,” he rasped, and the whole room seemed to light up.

 

“Hey, Ilya.” Yuuri said, sitting on the bed and taking one of his hands. “How ya feeling?”

 

Ilya chuckled a little at that. “Like I was hit in the back of the head with a two by four… And somehow my fever dream was a bummer. I didn’t even see anything. Just heard a bunch of people freaking out. Some people singing, and then nothing for a while. And then here I am.” He grimaced as he tried to move up a little more.

 

Victor rushed to help him, pulling his covers ever so slightly up and plumping his pillows a little. “Hey hey hey, no need to move right now. You’re still pretty injured, and any movement might trigger something else. You need to be careful Ilyusha. You could end up hurting yourself even worse.”

 

Ilya rolled his eyes and groaned, “Ugh, don’t remind me Papa. I already got this talk from all four of the nursed and the doctor. Right now, the last thing I wanna focus on is the fact that I’m injured. I feel alright really except for the pounding headache. The singing actually helped with that, I really should give Flip and the nurse she was singing with one of these roses she brought for me for it each,” he fidgeted with the little vase on the beside table. “Speaking of, where is Flip? I need to congratulate her for that spectacular performance.”

 

Footsteps and garbled Russian behind him drew Victor’s mind back to earth even further. So nobody had told Ilya about his grandparents. “I don’t know where Flip is, but listen,” he sat down on the bed opposite Yuuri and took Ilya’s other open hand. “There’s something we need to talk to you about…” he started but a knock at the door and Ilya’s widening eyes put a stop to that conversation.

 

“ _Metelya!_ ” Flip shouted and Victor jumped up and out of her way as she practically vaulted herself to his side.

 

Ilya’s eyes grew as big as saucers and filled with love and his smile grew ten times wider as he took her presence in. “ _Snezhinka!_ ” he smiled as she covered his face and then captured his lips in multiple kisses. When they both came up for air their cheeks were painted red with blushes and smiles as bright as the sun itself. The way they stared at each other reminded Victor of the way he and Yuuri stared at each other all those years ago, and even today as they looked into each others eyes as if they knew what the other was thinking. They probably did.

 

“I was so worried about you!” Flip said, giving him one more kiss and he laughed happily.

 

“I’m okay,” he smiled at her. “Just a few bumps and bruises now. Although my head, I must say, is pounding like a drum so I could probably faint at any moment…” He grinned, but when no one laughed he frowned for a moment, “I was only joking,” he explained. “Besides why on earth would I want to go fainting when I have such a pretty girl to sing me to sleep?”

 

Flip blushed a little at that, “Oh that was nothing…” She looked towards the floor to try and hide her embarrassment. “I just joined in was all.”

 

“Nonsense,” Ilya assured her, rubbing his thumb over her fingers. “It was quite possibly the most beautiful sound I’ve ever heard. You simply must find that nurse and sing for me again. You both sounded so lovely, so for that, I present to you, this rose, m’lady.” He reached for a rose, and very delicately snapped off the stem and placed it in her hair, now in a braid, just behind her ear.

 

“You’re too much, Ilya Katsuki-Nikiforov,” she blushed, but slowly brought her fingers up to the rose and tenderly brushed her fingertips over the soft petals. “Besides, that was no nurse singing with me.”

 

Ilya’s face twisted in confusion, “Really? It didn’t sound like your mom or my grandma…”

 

“Well that’s where you’re wrong, _malchik_ ,” the voice of Mikhail Nikiforov boomed from the doorway where he was currently standing. “Although I don’t suspect you’ll remember me or her,” he gestured to Inessa who had made her way into the room in front of him.

 

“ _Vy deystvitel’no zdes’, dedushka?_ ” Ilya bounced straight into Russian as soon as he saw his face. Victor was astounded. The last time his son had seen his grandfather had been when he was very young, and he hadn’t spoke of them much after that. But still, his face was serious, and even though his eyes were hard, there was still a childlike softness in them as he looked at his grandfather.

 

Some invisible communication passed between Ilya’s eyes and Victor’s fathers, and while their facial expressions never changed there was a palpable difference in the air now. Mikhail nodded and replied simply, “ _Da_ ,” he said, “ _Ya zdes_ ”

 

Ilya took a moment to process what had just happened, but when he had, he broke out into a warm smile as he took his Grandmother’s hand. He plucked another bloom from the flowers and placed it behind her ear, saying sweetly, “ _Dlya tebya_.”

 

She smiled and squeezed his hand in return, replying, “ _Spasibo, angeloch_.”

 

Victor was taken aback by the scene around him. For most of his life he’d thought his parents were incapable of loving anything related to him, but here they were, his mother smiling and holding his son’s hand, and his father was even almost smiling at them. It was the first time in a long time since he’d seen a scene like this. It wasn’t at all unlike the time he’d been skating with Elena for the first time. That scene seemingly so far away, a world away and a lifetime ago now felt as if it was only yesterday. That scene was now alive in their eyes this very moment. As if Elena herself could come through that door any minute, smiling and full of love as always. As if she’d never really left.

 

As the world continued to spin around him, he motioned to Yuuri with one hand for him to leave and he smiled back, getting off the bed and joining Victor at his side. “We’re just going for a short walk,” he smiled. “We’ll be back soon.”

 

Ilya nodded at them smiling too, “I’ll be okay. I’m sure these two can keep a good enough watch over me and grandpapa looks as if he could be a right good bodyguard if we’re in need of one.”

 

Victor chuckled a little at that and led Yuuri out of the room. They made their way around again, and the whole time Yuuri looked as though he had something on his mind. “What is it, my Yuuri?” he asked, rubbing his shoulders affectionately as they reached Ilya’s room again.

 

Yuuri only shook his head, “Nothing. Nothing’s wrong…” he mumbled. “It’s just.. Something’s changed. I’ve never seen your parents like that before, and you have never spoken of them like that before either…”

 

Victor nodded, “I know…” he kissed Yuuri’s cheek. “I haven’t seen them like this in years, but, hey. I’d rather see them like this than be fighting with them in front of him. Lord knows the poor thing feels bad enough without me adding to it.”

 

Yuuri shook his head again, “You could never make him feel worse. He loves you, and he’s happy they’re here. Everything will work out, _anata_.”

 

Victor smiled, “I know…” he hugged him again. “You’re always making me feel better. I never thanked you for that earlier by the way. I don’t know how you remained so calm when I was freaking out. I didn’t even register what was going on.”

 

Yuuri made a confused face, “Vitya I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

 

Victor furrowed his eyebrows, “You took me out of the room, sat me down, kissed my forehead…”

 

“No I didn’t…” Yuuri’s face went stony. “I don’t know what you’re on about.”

 

“That’s because it was me.” Mikhail Nikiforov said behind them, keeping his gaze to the floor. “I know what it feels like is all….” And he went back in the room.

 

And with those words Victor Nikiforov began to seriously rethink his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Vocabulary: 
> 
> Malchik ~ (Russian) "Boy" 
> 
> Vy deystvitel'no zdes', dedushka? ~ (Russian) "Are you really here, Grandpapa?" 
> 
> Da, ya zdes. ~ (Russian) "Yes, I'm here." 
> 
> Dlya tebya ~ (Russian) "For you"
> 
> Spasibo, angeloch ~ (Russian) "Thank you, angel"


	23. Chapter Twenty-One: A Fresh Start

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Victor and Yuuri plan a little surprise, and in turn get surprised themselves

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi Guys!!! I just thought you'd like this little addition! *EVIL LAUGHTER* Only three chapters left to go I think so enjoy it while it lasts.... 
> 
> Song for this chapter is:  
> ~ Falling by Oh Gravity
> 
> and the song Victor walks to is Our Love by Paul Cardall

Within the next couple of days, maybe it was a week, Victor couldn’t remember, Ilya was released from the hospital and everything was as it should’ve been before and everyone was happy. Well almost everyone, Victor could never be sure of what his father was really feeling, but at least he seemed to be making an effort to get along with Ilya and Yuuri. But ever since what happened between the two of them at the hospital that day, Victor and his father couldn’t be alone together without it being extremely awkward. It was just different now. Knowing his father was capable of such kindness, it messed with him, and it was like Victor’s whole world had been shattered and he had to put it back together again, only this time nothing would ever be the same.

 

But there Victor’s mother was, as always, making things better with the simplest of gestures and that kind sweet smile. They took her places for weeks on end, doing things like spending time on the ice rink watching Flip practice for her next competition, which Victor thought was most likely her favorite experience. He could see it in his mother’s eyes the whole time, that she couldn’t help it, when she watched Flip skate, for a second he knew she’d seen it too. With her brown hair in a ponytail and flying around the rink as if she had wings, Flip looked just like Elena. And if he could bring his mother closer to Elena in any way possible during these last couple of weeks, Victor knew he’d do it. Even though she’d be leaving to join Elena soon enough, Inessa wanted more than anything to have her whole family together, to see them all happy and smiling again. And even if it was just for a second, a momentary mirage, Victor would give the world to see her have it, to watch her smile as she finally felt peace.

 

They took her to see the local sights, and watched as her face lit up at the sight of all those cherry blossoms in one place. Ilya noticed it right off and reached out and plucked one off a tree branch, and offered it to her, placing it in her hair. Oh how she’d smiled, it was as if she was Amaterasu herself and she radiated happiness and beauty from within with just that simple motion. Ilya had even taken her dancing one night at a festival they all attended, sitting on her lap and laughing as she spun the wheelchair, both of them in stitches by the time it was over. Even his father had laughed. People stopped just to watch the two of them, an old woman and a small boy having so much fun and being so loud, it was so out of place in a quiet town like Hasetsu and many gawked at it, unabashedly frowning and muttering to themselves, but for once Victor didn’t care, and neither did his mother as she laughed louder than Victor had ever heard before in his life. He even decided to be daring that time, and stepped in with Yuuri at the next song, a fifty-one-year-old man with his fourty-eight-year-old husband dancing together in public, giving each other loving glances, if people were going to stare, Victor thought they ought to have something to stare at.

 

But by far the thing he looked the most forward to was the surprise he and Yuuri had been planning for two weeks. It was going to be their twentieth anniversary soon, and even though the both knew that renewing their vows was supposed to be saved for the twenty-fifth intervals, he just couldn’t help himself. The thought of his mother’s surprised face and wide smile made them all smile. That’s why they hadn’t taken her to the beach yet, they wanted to save this for the last place they’d take her. A month had went by fast since his parents had arrived in Hasetsu, and Victor knew that she’d want to go home to Pushkin to die, but he wanted her to have this experience before she passed. His father had finally agreed with him after endless debates, he would take her home the day after and then they would say their last goodbyes. It was final. He was determined on this one.

 

The next morning he woke up to the sun trickling through the window in his and Yuuri’s room, casting shadows that dappled the whole room with light and dark, almost like a dreamscape of the happiness and sadness Victor had always endured. But today he was focused on only the happiness, that fragment of light that cast itself across the majority of Yuuri’s body, laying next to him with his arms wrapped around Victor’s waist, head nestled into the crook of Victor’s neck as he gently snoozed. When he looked at his own left hand as he always did every morning he took in for the first time in twenty years the absence of a scratched up, dulled gold ring that he knew if it had been there still would have glinted in the sunlight as brightly as the morning star itself. But this absence wasn’t a sad one, he thought, as he used that hand to stroke Yuuri’s hair affectionately as he bent down and placed a small kiss on his head.

 

“ _Dobroye Utro, Zolotse_ ,” he said, his voiced laced with sweetness and love as he gently shook Yuuri awake.

 

Yuuri groaned a little, and sat up, returning Victor’s kiss with one on his cheek as he blindly groped around for those same old blue glasses. “ _Ohayo, anata_ ,” he groggily yawned and blinked, rubbing his eyes and putting on his glasses so he could see the world around him come into focus.

 

“Today’s the day,” Victor smiled, and poked his husband’s nose affectionately.

 

Yuuri chuckled a little and beamed back, his ember eyes full of love. “I know,” he positioned himself on top of Victor and bent down, kissing him sweetly, and peering at Victor lovingly from behind the strands of gray and black that fell into his face.

 

Victor beamed, feeling a slight blush creep onto his face as he absentmindedly drew circles on Yuuri’s back with his fingers, taking one hand and brushing those stray hairs out of Yuuri’s face so he could peer back into his eyes. “Are you excited?” he asked as he drew his thumb over his husband’s face ever so softy, cupping his face in his right hand and stroking Yuuri’s cheek with his thumb.

 

Yuuri took Victor’s hand from his face and kissed his palm tenderly, holding his hand to his face with his own hand, caressing Victor’s hand with his own. “Mhm,” he murmured, smiling. “I feel happier today than I’ve ever been in my whole life. And I’m happy that today I get to give it to you all over again.”

 

Victor smiled, “Me too…” he drawled off a little, just taking in everything around him. The was the light glistened off of Yuuri’s glasses, the sound of Ilya snoring from the living room pull out couch with Taiyo right beside him, Tiger probably beside him, the smell of warm coffee wafting through the house from the automatic coffee pot in the kitchen, and even the sound of ocean waves from his father’s white noise machine that reminded Victor so much of both St. Petersburg and Hasetsu at the same time. This moment was like a kaleidoscope of other memories all compiled into one, and for a moment, just taking it all in, Victor felt infinite. As if he could just reach out and take this moment and keep it with him forever.

 

Yuuri smiled at him, a slightly perplexed look playing across his features. “What’s on your mind, Vitenka?” he asked, reaching his free hand down to brush the white strands of hair out of Victor’s face.

 

“Nothing, my love,” Victor said, kissing Yuuri’s palm and then ring finger in return as he sat up himself. “Just save the sappy stuff for the ceremony, okay?” He chuckled and ruffled Yuuri’s hair a little, playfully, before getting up out of bed and going to their closet to get dressed.

 

Yuuri grumbled lowly but followed suit, wrapping his arms around Victor from behind, holding him close as he watched him button his shirt in the large mirrors, head leaned against Victor’s shoulder. Looking at the two of them, Victor could see how much they’d changed over the years. Yuuri’s hair was a little longer, and mostly dominated with grey, his skin wrinkled a little and marked up from days spent in the sun, and Victor’s hair was now almost completely white, and his skin was wrinkled a little more than Yuuri’s, but despite the small crinkles beside both of their eyes, both pairs had stayed the exact same. Untouched by time, two pools of blue stared into embers with all the love in the world, and it was beautiful. The most beautiful thing Victor had ever seen.

 

“I love you.”

 

“I love you too.”

 

————————————

 

The drive down to the beach was quiet as Victor hummed along to the radio. Yuuri’s gaze stayed on the outside world, as if he was taking and memorizing and cataloging everything around him even though he’d already seen it a thousand times. Victor’s parents were talking quietly to each other in Russian, saying short remarks about all that had happened and how his mother would miss this place when she went back to Russia. Flip and Ilya sat in the very back, holding hands and Ilya kept fidgeting with something in his pocket.

 

When they reached the beach, they unloaded everything and Victor walked beside his mother as his father pushed the wheelchair onto the sand.

 

His mother shook her head, laughing, “Vitya, I will never understand you child,” she chuckled, “wearing a tailored suit to take your Mama to the beach? Wherever did you get such an idea?”

 

Victor laughed too, squeezing her hand. “Everything will make sense soon, Mama, you just have to wait a little longer.”

 

She only shook her head again, but nodded and smiled back, “Whatever you say, _Solnyshko_.”

 

As they neared the beach, the sound of seagulls chirping seemed to float in on the breeze, along with the scent of salt and warm sand. His mother smiled at this familiarity, and they locked eyes for a moment and he could see the happiness in her eyes. Here, she felt close to home, somewhere she hadn’t seen in a month.

 

Yuuri, who had walked ahead of them a little called to them happily, waving. He stood at the end of a small aisle lined with cherry blossoms and petals. Beside him was a small table with two lit candles and flower crowns with a small speaker in between them. When Inessa caught sight of this her eyes began to water. “What have you done, _Solnyshko_?” she whispered.

 

For a second Victor froze, panic spreading through his veins. “You don’t like it?” he asked, ashamed he’d even thought of it.

 

But she smiled through her tears, wiping at them with a shaky finger. “It’s beautiful, my beautiful baby son.” she replied. “It’s more than I could’ve ever asked for, but why did you go to all this trouble?”

 

Victor smiles and bent down, taking his mother in his arms and crying a little, “I love you so much, Mama,” he started, sniffling a little. “I just wanted you to be able to see at least one of your children married, even if it is just us renewing our vows. You didn’t get to see it the first time, and Yuuri and I have no problem doing all this. We’ll take any excuse to tell the whole world we love each other all over again,” he winked at Yuuri and Yuuri winked back.

 

The music started playing from the speaker, soft and serene and Victor locked eyes with his father, and for a moment he thought he saw a flicker of a deeper emotion in them, something of surprise, of unworthy, or maybe even pride but then it was gone and replaced with the most shocking emotion Victor had seen on his father’s face in a long time, love. He extended his arm out for Victor to take.

 

“Someone’s gotta escort you down the aisle you dummy,” he said, but his voice didn’t sound hateful at all. Maybe even a little playful as he showed the smallest of smiles to his son and his husband.

 

Victor blinked, wiped the shock off of his face and took his Father’s arm, and together, step by step they walked down the aisle. Everything seemed to go in slow motion, the waves as they crashed into the shore, the breeze playing with the loose strands of Flip’s hair as she stood at the end of the aisle with Yuuri in front of her, holding a bundle of blue roses. Even the sound of the music washed over him slowly, as if possessing him, freezing the moment in time. But all too soon they reached the end of the aisle and Yuuri was beside him again.

 

“Hi,” he murmured, squeezing Yuuri’s hands as they faced each other.

 

“Hi,” Yuuri blushed back and fumbled to clear his breath.

 

“We are all here today to witness the renewal of the union between Mr. Victor and Mr. Yuuri Katsuki-Nikiforov in matrimony. On this day, March 23, twenty years ago they were wed in a private ceremony with family and friends, and for twenty years they have kept their vows truly and lawfully, loving each other and others with every waking moment and every ounce of their beings. Today we witness them rekindle that flame of love once more, and renew their eternal promises to each other under the eyes of God and Man alike. I, Ilya Katsuki-Nikiforov, as a testament to that love have the honor of presenting them to you today and gifting them with these two gold rings, rings that have been through so many ups and downs but, like their love shine on brightly, to once again place on their fingers for another twenty and even more years to come. You may now be seated,” Ilya said his part so beautifully and eloquently that Victor thought he might cry just from that sight, but then it was Yuuri’s turn to talk and he held in those tears and listened intently.

 

Yuuri shook a little with nerves and Victor gave his hands a slight squeeze. “With this ring, I thee wed, Victor Mikhailovich Nikiforov.” he said, squeezing his hands in return, dropping it, grabbing one of the candles and looking at only Victor. “For the past twenty years that has been a promise only I could keep. A promise that consumed most of my life, and one that even though I wasn’t always the best at, I still tried my best to give it my all. And I couldn’t have done it if it weren’t for you. You are so full of utter love, Victor, that I don’t think you could even hate the devil himself. You give and you give until nothing is left of you, and even then you try to give a little more, even when I most certainly don’t deserve it. You’re always there for me, even when I’m the one that’s causing your pain, and I honestly don’t know why. I’m a mess, a massive emotional screw up, and always causing problems, and yet you stay with me, for better or for worse. I don’t know what I did to deserve someone as amazing as you, how I made you fall in love with me when I so obviously have loved you for most of my life. It’s all a mystery to me. Sometimes I feel as if I might wake up twenty-four again and trying to make a decision about my career, as if it was all a beautiful dream. Because that is what you are, to me, Victor Nikiforov. You are a beautiful, wondrous, amazing dream, and all I ever wanted and hoped for and more, and I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you, to grow even grayer and wrinklier than I am now, to have you help me use a cane again, but this time you’ll have one too, and we’ll have little grandchildren running around the house, trying to steal them and playing and speaking garbled Russian, English, and Japanese. That’s my dream, you’re my dream, my love, and that’s never going to change. I’ll brand this ring into my heart with the love I have for you, my dearest Victor, so that no one, not even death can take it away. I’m forever yours, Vicor Katsuki-Nikiforov, and always will be. That’s my promise to you.”

 

Victor honestly felt as if he might bawl right then and there as he felt Yuuri slip the ring onto his left hand, putting down the candle he’d been holding as he said the words, and kissing the ring finger before letting it fall to Victor’s side. He picked up the candle again and Victor nodded reassuringly as he said his own vows, “Ever since the day I first saw you I loved you, Yuuri Katsuki. I was twenty-seven and the world felt cold to me. I had no family, hardly any real friends, skating had consumed my life completely. I was always reaching further, striving to meet new, almost impossible feats, wanting to impress the audience and the judges with how far I could push my body, with how beautiful I, a broken creature could become. But none of it really seemed to matter, I was losing myself in what everyone else would see that I forgot that people saw me as more than just a skater. For some reason when I heard you praising me and that I inspired you, it piqued my curiosity, and I watched you skate. You were so much like me, caught up in what everyone else would think of you as a skater that it ate you alive and for a moment I thought perhaps that I had caused you to feel some of that pressure just by looking up to me. But when I danced with you that all changed. For the first time I saw love for what it was. You see, love doesn’t make you weaker, it builds you up, and For the first time in a long time I saw that maybe I could do that for someone else too. That maybe I wasn’t past saving. All from one little dance, you opened so many doors that I had shut on myself for years. So that is my promise to you. I want to keep dancing with you, even when we’re old and wrinkled and have to dance in wheelchairs because I want you to keep surprising me. I want you, need you to show me how to love every day for the rest of my existence because I know I’d never have found it on my own. You showed me what love is, my gold, and I’m never going to stop giving it to you till my body breaks down and crumbles into ash, and my remains become soil for sakura trees because like I said all those years ago when I asked you to marry me, a lot can happen in twenty years. A million Sakuras could bloom and fade in that time, but somehow our love stayed even when we didn’t. And I’ve learned pretty quick that, to me every year I get to spend with you is an eternity filled with happiness. My prayer for us is that even though over the years these rings may become faded and worn down,” he glanced at his own scratched ring warmly, “We’ll remember that the true gold is the love we hold in our hearts, because there, I will keep you buried for many more eternities.”

 

Everyone burst into tears as Victor placed the ring onto Yuuri’s hand and They placed the crowns on each other’s heads as a symbol of marriage.

 

“I now present to you, my papas, Mr. and Mr. Katsuki-Nikiforov!” Ilya bellowed happily, and Victor took Yuuri in his arms and kissed him fiercely, putting twenty years and much more worth of love into one kiss. His mother erupted into applause and his father smiled a little.

 

But the day wasn’t over yet.

 

Ilya took Flip by the hand and got down on one knee, pulling a little box out of his pocket, and everyone gasped.

 

“Yuki “Flip” Nishigori,” he started, opening the box to reveal a small snowflake shaped ring inside. “I’ve known you since I was a baby, you’ve always been there for me, through all my problems, whether it be a silly fight over a toy, or my first crush you were always there, ready to listen. You helped me get into dancing, and just as it did with my Dads, it brought us together as well. I grew up idolizing you, getting jealous of others who wanted your attention and then finally when I was sixteen and you were twenty, we both figured out why, as you stole a kiss in secret from me, and even though you wouldn’t come near me for weeks after that, convinced you’d done something wrong, we both knew that what we felt was true, and not only a raw desire. You loved me and I loved you, and still do, always will. You bring out the best in me, help me see things from a different perspective, and always encourage me to push myself further, assuring me that you’ll be with me every step of the way. And while having you as a secret girlfriend and a dance partner is great and all, I want you for more. I want us to one day get married and have little dancing babies of our own, even if that’s years down the road, and our first children are dogs. I’m giving you this ring as a promise to you, that one day you will be mine, _Snezhinka_ , if you’ll have me…” he chuckled a little. “So will you accept it?”

 

Flip squealed and vaulted into his arms crying, “ _Yes!_ ” she screamed. He slid the ring onto her finger and they both shared a long sweet kiss, everyone clapping.

 

In the end of the day, three promises were made and Victor’s mother had made the widest smile he’d ever seen on her face. He could even feel Elena smiling down on them from heaven. And when they returned home he could feel it there too. That something had changed, it was the beginning of something entirely new. And as he drifted off into a happy sleep with his newly renewed husband by his side, he couldn’t help thinking for the first time in a long time that maybe, just maybe everything would turn out okay.

 

But life is never so easy.

 

Because when they’d only been asleep for a total of five hours his father woke them up screaming.

 


	24. Chapter Twenty-Two: A Time For Holding On & A Time For Letting Go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This has been a long ride for me, and all of you who've stayed with me through it all. I hope this ending is everything you all could have wished for. You see, I began writing this as a story about Victor and his journey back to Yuuri and love, but along the way I discovered it was never really about just that at all. It was about Victor himself, and his journey to love and acceptance not only of his flaws from himself but also of himself from his family. It's about love yes, but a love much stronger than simply romantic love, but the love of a family made up of a man, his husband, their adoptive child, and all their family and friends. I'm just glad that my version of Victor allowed me to tell this story, and I hope you all enjoyed what he had to say. 
> 
> Epilogue will be out soon! 
> 
> Love you guys so much! <3 
> 
> Song for this chapter is 
> 
> ~ "Never Fade Away" by Oh Gravity

Blood.

 

Red, spilling out of his mother’s lips as she held onto Victor’s hands as she sat in the hospital bed retching up the crimson liquid that sustained her life. Her whole body racked with the force of her coughing, her lungs rattled with every wheeze. It was an ugly sound, cold and unfeeling as death struggled so hard to grab onto his mother with every breath, but Victor held tight to her hands as she fought back. He would hold onto her for as long as it took, for this spell to pass and for her to smile again. Because she had to smile again. She couldn’t die this way, not now. He wouldn’t allow it.

 

His mother had been in the hospital for two days now, the doctors in and out said it wasn’t looking good, and she was fading much faster than they’d initially expected. Her body was failing, yet still, for the first day she hung onto life as if it was the only thing she knew how to do. She’d hung on as tightly as her grip on Victor’s hands as he helped her hold the basin up to her face as she coughed up what seemed to be an endless stream of blood. But lately, he’d noticed something in his mother was changing. As she finished coughing and weakly wiped the blood from her lips she smiled at Victor and his father lovingly. She was losing her fight, and, as she let go of his hand so he could empty it, Victor noticed her grip was slipping.

 

He’d known it ever since she set foot in Hasetsu, she was dying. Yet now that the moment was so close, he didn’t know how he was supposed to deal with it. None of it seemed right. His mother, his sweet mother was meant to die much older, at home in Pushkin surrounded by her loved ones and a priest who could give her the last rites, all this talk of death was supposed to be so much further down the road in Victor’s mind. He’d just gotten her back. How was he supposed to watch her walk out of his life again?

 

As if she’d sensed what was going on in his mind, she reached out and took his hand, stroking it gently with her thumb. “It’s okay, _Solnyshko_ ,” she murmured. “I’m not afraid.”

 

He sniffled a little, holding back the tears that threatened to take him over. “I know,” he kissed her hand and smiled weakly. “You’re always so brave, Mama.”

 

She smiled back, closing her eyes and a look of utter peace spread over her face for a moment. “I’m only going home, getting to see my own Mama and Papa, and your sister again. Soon enough you’ll be with me, but don’t worry about that now. I’m not leaving you. I’ve always been watching over you, whether through reading about you in the newspaper or on the news. And when I’m gone I’ll be watching from the clouds, so you won’t ever feel alone. Your Mama will always be with you, my precious baby.”

 

Tears threatened to spill over Victor’s vision so he only nodded and kissed her hand one more time before getting up to walk out of the room to try and compose himself. I know, he wanted so badly to say but he couldn’t find the words. He knew that his mother had always been there for him, even when her husband’s stubbornness often dominated her actions. His mother was so precious to him, and all her life she’d been plagued with so much pain, the pain of war and hunger, the pain of losing her children, and now the immense, agonizing pain of death that she’d been bearing alone and with a smile for so long. Couldn’t the world see how wrong it was that an angel like her had to die? Why couldn’t it have been his father?! The one person who had hated Victor for most of his life?

 

Victor almost immediately cursed himself for thinking that way. It was wrong of him to wish death on another person. Even if his father had caused him a lot of pain, he needed him. He was the only rope Victor had back to a family that had once loved him. A family he wasn’t ready to give up yet. He could remember a time when his father had been kind, even loving to him. He hadn’t always been the angry monster he’d become since Elena’s death. He’d been the person that taught Victor how to lace his skates, and the same person who held his hand the first time he’d stepped out onto the ice. He’d been loving once. What had Victor done for him to suddenly turn cold?

 

Victor’s thoughts were interrupted by Yuuri coming back from the convenience store where he’d went to grab them all a couple snacks. When he saw the look on Victor’s face he sat the bag down on the floor and immediately wrapped his husband in an embrace.

 

“Are you okay?” he asked, rubbing Victor’s back softly, and all it took was that tender gesture and Victor was in tears.

 

He choked on them, they burned his throat as he mumbled out a response that was muffled by Yuuri’s shirt, where he’d buried his head in the crook of Yuuri’s neck. “No.” Just one simple word as he bawled in the hallway with some people ignoring him, others stopping to stare, but Victor didn’t care what they thought anymore. “I can’t lose her, Yuuri!” He pleaded.

 

“Shhhh,” Yuuri murmured as he tried to calm him, but it wasn’t working. He’d opened the floodgates and now Victor’s emotions were pouring out faster than he could build the dam back up again. It was just too much. The pain of watching his mother die, the gratefulness he felt for Ilya having been returned to him, and then the utter confusion he felt towards his father’s recent actions. It all bubbled up inside him like a fragile volcano that threatened to erupt with every disturbance.

 

“I just got her back, Yuuri,” he ranted. “I’ve missed so much, she’s missed so much, there isn’t enough time to catch up. There’s so much I want to say, but I can’t find the words. How do I tell her I love her without it sounding like I’m saying goodbye? How do I hold her hand and try to reassure her it’ll be alright when I don’t even know if I’m alright myself? How can I look her in the eyes and smile when every time I do I’m scared it’ll be for the last time?!”

 

Yuuri held him fast and whispered in his ears, “I don’t know Victor,” he tried to sound reassuring, but his voice cracked a little, and Victor could tell he was thinking about his own father. “I honestly don’t know. Sometimes we just aren’t as strong as we’d like to be. But that doesn’t mean you’re a failure for that. You don’t have to pretend that you’re alright if you’re not. She already knows that. She’s probably not expecting you to be strong for her during this, Victor. She doesn’t want you to tell her it’s okay because she already knows that. She just wants you to be there for her. Both you and your father, all of us. She wants us together so we can support each other, not her. She knows what’s coming next for her, but what she wants the most now is to know that even if you aren’t okay right now, that you will be.”

 

Victor smiled a little in spite of himself at that, bringing on another volley of tears that streamed down his cheeks. “How are you so smart? How do you know these things?” He asked with a smile as he pulled out of Yuuri’s embrace.

 

Yuuri returned the smile, “It’s what my own Otou-San said when he was getting ready to pass. He said he was happy that we were all there together because he knew that together we could face anything. Katsuki’s are winners after all.”

 

Victor chuckled at that. “Yeah yeah…”

 

There was a sound of footsteps approaching and Victor’s father popped his head out of the door, looking at Victor. “She’s asking for you,” he said solemnly and only locked eyes with Victor for a short moment.

 

Victor nodded and followed him inside, smiling a little at his mother as she smiled at him when he entered the room. “Hi mom,” he said, sitting on the bed as Ilya had taken his chair when he got up for those few minutes.

 

“Hello, my sunshine,” she said smiling, looking at him through eyes that were half closed. “What’s wrong? Why did you leave?”

 

Victor frowned a little and held onto his mother’s hand steadfast. “I’m just sad that you’re going to have to leave so soon, that’s all. It feels as if everything’s wrong.”

 

She squeezed his hand reassuringly. “Don’t worry about that, my love, there are a million things in life that seem to go wrong, but this is not one of them. If I am to die here it is because God willed it to be so, and not because of anything you could control. It isn’t some sort of wrong that needs to be righted that I am here instead of Pushkin. I am here because this is where my family is, and where my family is, is where I am home.”

 

Victor smiled, but the tears returned, this time more heavily. “Oh Mama,” he cried, “I love you so much, why didn’t I tell you enough? Why didn’t I look past my own nose and realize that even though I didn’t think either you or Dad loved me, that I could still love you? I didn’t even make an effort to try and reconnect, I just shut you out and now all I have to remember you by is the time as a child and now! There could have been so much more, and yet I closed my heart to it.”

 

Inessa scowled at him a little and it froze the words in his throat. “You, like your father, spend too much time focusing on what could have been. You don’t realize what’s around you, and you weep for nothing.”

 

Victor’s heart froze in his chest and shattered into a million pieces. “But, Mama.”

 

“No,” she continued. “I’ve loved you ever since the first time I laid eyes on you in a hospital in Russia, and I love you every bit as much, maybe even more as I sit in a hospital across the sea in Japan. Victor, I have always loved every moment I had with you, and I cherish every moment I have with you. I don’t think about all the things that could’ve been or what might be if I could stay. Because I am happy now, surrounded by the people I love the most in the world as I pass into this next life. I don’t have any regrets except for the fact that I didn’t make more of an effort to let you know you were loved, but I can’t focus on that because it’s in the past. And the fact that you’re here with me now, that means the most to me, because it means that I got to tell you how much I love you my precious son, and it means that I was able to put our family back together again. Because that’s what matters most, is the love of a family. You need each other.” she looked at his father and then back at Victor. “I know you don’t want to hear it, but I know you love each other, deep down in your hearts, and when I’m gone there won’t be anyone to help you remember that, so you’ll have to do it on your own, but please, for me, try. You two are the people I love most of all, and seeing you two try to hate each other for the past decade or so has caused me more pain than even the worst Cancer threw at me. If you want me to be happy, then please, for the love of all that you hold dear, stop focusing on what might have been, and focus on what you have. Because all you’ll have is each other, and I can only be at peace if I know you’ll be together. I know how hard it is to go through this kind of pain alone. It isn’t something I’d wish on anyone. So please, if you want to make it up to me, to make me happy and show me you love me, then love each other. Be there for each other, pick up the pieces step by step, and try to be a family once again.”

 

Victor was taken aback by this sudden outburst from his mother. How long had she been holding this in? How long had she bore this agony and let it gnaw at her like a parasite, taking her waking moments and stealing them for a worry she didn’t know how to begin to fix? He kissed her hand once more, holding onto her as he choked out the words, “I promise.”

 

She smiled and breathed a sigh of relief, peace washing over her face as she turned to Victor’s father.

 

Mikhail’s face was contorted with great pain, but he nodded. “I promise.”

 

She closed her eyes for a moment, then opened them and held onto both of them, determinedly looking over everyone around her, giving he husband a thousand kisses with her eyes as tears streamed from his.

 

“ _Ya tebya lyublyu, moy Innochka_ ,” he said, kissing her hand.

 

She smiled at him lovingly one more time before turning to send Yuuri her gratitude for eons to come. He only merely nodded back at her, as if to tell her that there was nothing she needed to feel in debt to.

 

She smiled endlessly at Ilya, as if he was the sun himself, her eyes shining with pride. And the same look she gave to Victor, squeezing his hand a little, encouraging him. She seemed to be telling him that he could go on after this, that she believed in him, that she always had, that she always would. He peered back at her with all the love he could send through tear filled eyes.

 

Then, finally, her eyes came to rest at the space between Victor and his father, space that even though appeared to be empty seemed to feel full of someone’s presence. Her lips strained to find the words, but he could see clearly the word she was trying so hard to form. _Alyona_. As she took in what she saw, a look of love and utter loving and longing played over her features and her grip on Victor’s hand loosened as for the last time she slowly closed her eyes and slipped into a peaceful sleep.

 

——————-

 

Inessa Sergeivna Nikiforova died peacefully on a Tuesday, the twenty-seventh of march at 5:24 PM, her family beside her.

 

——————-

 

The sun shined off the waves of the sea brightly as the four men stood on the boat in the middle of the sea. They’d ended up having Victor’s mother cremated, and decided to have her ashes spread in the sea so she could be at rest in a place which was halfway between the place she was born and once called home, and the place where her family now called home. Today they’d received them in a small urn with a sunset painted on the outside, and all four of them had decided to take a boat into the sea to scatter the ashes at sunset, so she could be buried while the sky was lit with the light of the beautiful dying sun, behaving like a fiery bridge between the two worlds.

 

As they neared their destination, Victor’s father who had been quiet for most of the trip, holding his wife’s ashes and looking between Hasetsu and towards Russia as if he was trying to make a decision, stood up and pulled Victor aside.

 

“Vitya,” he struggled for words, holding onto his son for support as he stood. “I’m sorry for all those things I said to you, for how I treated you for most of your life. I know it was unacceptable, and that you probably don’t want to hear it from me, especially not at a time like this, but I need you to know. Everything I did, it wasn’t because of anything you’d done. It was because I didn’t know how to process my own emotions.”

 

Victor stared at his father, taken aback. “What?”

 

Mikhail smiled bitterly, “You see, I had an uncle like you once, he was different, he did things that our family didn’t approve of, he loved people who our family didn’t think it was right for him to love, and I grew up being taught he and the things he did were evil, and that everyone should behave a certain way and never question it. So I did just that, I went on to play hockey, became a star, and married your mother because my family approved of her, and god, I don’t know what I did to deserve her, because she has always been such an angel, even when I was a devil. I loved her more than anything you could possibly imagine.”

 

Victor smiled at that and stole a quick glance at the urn.

 

“Then you came along, and you were different. You were amazing, full of surprises, and you knew your own mind and weren’t afraid to go ofter what you wanted, even if it wasn’t supposed to be possible. You blew my mind, but you didn’t apply to my image of what I thought you were supposed to be so I became angry. I thought you’d end up being cast from the family just like my uncle all those years ago, and I slowly started to see you and him as one. I thought of you as evil, I didn’t see how an angel like Elena could love you so much, how she didn’t see the evil that I did, but for her sake I tried to put it past me. But when she died on that Ice, even though it was just a simple accident, I couldn’t stop myself, I needed someone to blame and I knew you were the reason she’d been on the ice so my heart placed all the blame on you. And you didn’t deserve it, but when you were gone for so long, Elena was like my only child. She was my companion, my hockey partner, my little firefly, and I loved her, I loved her so much Victor, that I forced all those emotions onto you. I convinced myself that you were this selfish, evil monster who didn’t even care enough about your family to be there for them when they needed you most. But being here in Hasetsu with your mother, watching you with your husband and the family you’ve created I finally understand. I understand how Elena didn’t see the evil I did. It was because there was none to see.” His father’s eyes were full of loving tears as he smiled at his son.

 

“Papa…” Victor breathed, his hands itching with the urge to reach out but stuck at his sides as he tried to decide what to do.

 

Mikhail smiled through his tears, “The evil was me…” he said, his voice thick. “And I’m so sorry. I don’t want this fight between us to go on any longer. I want to stay here in Hasetsu with you and your family, there’s nothing left for me in Russia. I want us to try and start over again, this time I’ll do it right, I promise, if only you’ll give me the chance. If you’ll forgive me…”

 

Victor was shocked, and didn’t know what to do, but he took his father in his arms and cried, for the first time in years he let himself be held by him as they both bawled like babies. “ _Ya tebya proshchayu_ ,” he cried. “ _Ya tebya lyublyu, Papa_.”

 

“I love you too, _moy dragotsenyy syn_ ,” Mihkail replied, holding onto his son for dear life.

 

Footsteps approached them and Ilya’s voice rang out beside them. “We’re here,” he said quietly.

 

The two broke apart and Victor nodded, “Okay.”

 

They walked to the front of the boat and said some words that blurred together, and the sunset bathed them all in a golden glow as they spread the ashes and watched them disappear into the jade and gold color of the sea.

 

And as the four stood watching the sunset, surrounded by love, they stood with Victor in the middle, his left hand holding onto Yuuri’s right, and Ilya behind them resting his head on Victor’s shoulder. And as they felt the loving gazes of both Elena and Inessa looking down on them Victor did something he never thought he’d do again for the rest of his life.

 

He reached out and took his father’s hand, and somehow he knew.

 

Everything would be alright. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Glossary: 
> 
> Ya tebya proshchayu ~ (Russian) "I forgive you" 
> 
> Moy dragotsenyy syn ~ (Russian) "My precious son"


	25. Epilogue: A Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And so the last petal falls...

The spring breeze whipped through the park, making the pink balloons dance in it’s wake. The sound of children laughing and playing were music to fifty-six-year old Victor Katsuki-Nikiforov’s ears as he and his family and their friends sat in the small park, decorated extensively with ribbons and balloons with the number one posted everywhere there was enough space.

 

“What are you smiling at?” Yuuri asked as he sat beside him on the bench leaning his head on his shoulder as he watched their twenty-three-year-old son being chased by a bundle of toddlers as he laughed. They all screeched after him calling him _Tomato Atama_ as they tried their best to catch him.

 

Victor laughed as one of them managed to trip him up and sent him toppling into the grass, the rest of them piling on top of him. “That,” he replied, rolling his eyes as Ilya faked screaming as one of the children proclaimed loudly that he had defeated the evil tomato head, a nickname they’d given Ilya, who’d stopped dying his hair blue for the time being, and wore his auburn hair naturally. “I swear he picked that up from you..”

 

Yuuri rolled his eyes, “Oh yes, that makes perfect sense. Our son is dramatic because of me, when you’re the one known to be the drama king…” he laughed.

 

Victor laughed, and kissed his cheek, “Yeah, yeah… you’re right. But he did get the clumsy part from you..” he fired back, grinning.

 

“Hey!” Yuuri protested, but they both ended up laughing.

 

“Hey you kids coming over here or what?” the voice of Victor’s father reached their ears as he laughed at them and Ilya. “If you don’t hurry they’ll cut the cake without you!”

 

“We’re coming!” Victor called and walked hand in hand with Yuuri over to the table.

 

Ilya and Flip had been married three years ago, and today was their daughter’s first birthday. They’d named her Elena Inessa Katsuki-Nikiforova after the two most beautiful women in the Nikiforov family, and when Victor had first heard the name they’d chosen he’d bawled in happiness. He knew that if his mother was watching right now she’d be so proud of them. Their family was closer than ever.

 

As they reached their seats they noticed the small cake decorated with a candle with little flowers all around it, “Okay everyone, on three…” Mikhail signaled and they sang the birthday song once again, and for a second Victor was so happy he thought that if he closed his eyes he might be able to picture Crocodile Gena himself, playing the accordion just for this happy occasion.

 

After she was done stuffing her face with cake, little Elena’s green eyes wandered around the table, and brightened when she saw Victor, struggling with her seat, trying to get out.

 

“ _Chto ty khochesh, Lenochka_?” Ilya asked his daughter in Russian, and to his amazement she answered him back.

 

For the first time in her life Elena Inessa Katsuki-Nikiforova spoke.

 

“ _De du ka_ ” she said plain as day.

 

“ _Chto?!_ ” Ilya asked again, taken aback by her first word, but taking her out of her chair and setting her on the table.

 

“ _Deduka_ ” she said as she giggled and made her way over to Victor and laughed as he took her in his arms.

 

“Hi there,” he smiled down on the baby, and kissed her head. She laughed and made an indiscernible noise as a reply, but before he knew it he was fighting tears, happy tears. They seemed to scorch the back of his throat as he laughed too. Smiling as bright as the morning sun, happy tears streaming down his cheeks he sat holding his granddaughter as she smiled too.

 

What else can you do when the sweetest voice you've ever heard is uttering your name for the first time?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Glossary: 
> 
> Chto ty khochesh ~ (Russian) "What do you want" 
> 
> Tomato Atama ~ (Japanese) "Tomato head"


End file.
